Journey's End
by Jezzi
Summary: Sequel to The Echo. A new development threatens to ruin Gippal and Rikku's newfound happiness. How can Gippal tell her about Adena? And how can Rikku live with the knowledge? Chapter 20: A Minefield I Never Heard Of, posted August 27, 2009.
1. Hide and Seek

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 1: Hide and Seek**_

* * *

The clouds had gone from the skies of Djose, but my head was still clouded. I listened to the crashing waves below as I walked toward the split of the Highroad toward the Moonflow. I couldn't say that I wanted to go to the Moonflow, but I had more arrangements to make. More hiding to do.

I glanced over my shoulder, making sure that no one was around before I climbed down the familiar steps in the face of the cliff. The tide was low, and as I stepped onto the tiny sliver of beach, I closed my eyes. Finally, I was alone. I could allow myself to stress out, and, if need be, to cry. For I felt like crying, as odd as that was. And if anyone saw me with water on my face, I could say that it was the sea spray.

I couldn't tell Rikku about Adena. I couldn't hurt her like that. And I couldn't risk her finding out on her own. I'd given Adena work in our small outpost at the Moonflow, where we took inventory of the newly arrived parts from the island and did small, trivial repairs. Really… I had no thought for Adena. I knew she wouldn't go away, and I needed to keep her away. Rikku couldn't and wouldn't know, if I had anything to say about it. I needed to protect her. I'd hurt her enough by doing the deed, and I never wanted to see that pain in her eyes again. If she knew, surely, I would. I didn't care for Adena. I cared for Rikku. I loved Rikku.

But there was the matter of the baby. Nearly three and a half months had passed since the… well, my drunken mistake, known as Adena. Shouldn't she be showing by now? I had no idea. I'd never been around a pregnant woman, and I couldn't ask anyone without them wondering why I was asking. I'd been spending much of my time with Telan since Adena had showed up at the party. I loved her more than life itself. But I felt absolutely nothing at the thought of a child with Adena. Nothing. And it scared me. What kind of person was I? Shouldn't I want to take care of a child that was mine? Shouldn't I want it, no matter who its mother was? But no, I didn't. Not if it wasn't mine and Rikku's.

And how could I be certain that the baby was mine?

I picked up a rock as I paced on the shrinking beach. In frustration, I flung it as hard as I could into the water, listening to the loud splash as it hit the water before turning and angrily kicking the cliff behind me. How could this have happened? Now, when everything had just righted itself… my life was thrown into chaos once again. And all for one stupid, stupid choice that I wasn't sober enough to make on my own.

* * *

"I need to come into Djose tomorrow."

"Why?"

Adena sighed and rolled her eyes, a smirk on her face. "To get some stock parts for the back. We're running low. What a good boss you are, keeping your stores stocked up for any emergency fix that may come in… note the sarcasm, there, Gippal."

"Give me a list of what's needed and I'll have one of the interns bring it over."

"But I'd so like to go to Djose…"

I smacked my hand on the desk in frustration. "You will _not_ go to Djose. I won't allow that."

"You can't control where I do and don't go."

"I can if I want to. And you're either staying here or leaving for good." I moved from in front of the space in the counter, holding an arm out to the door. "You're welcome to take off and never show your face again, or you can stay here."

She smirked again, settling herself on her stool. "I have a feeling things will turn out better if I stay right where I am." With a sigh, she tapped her fingers in a bored matter. "I'll go to Djose some other day. I'd like to visit my old friends, you know."

That was exactly what I didn't want to hear. "You're not going to Djose, Adena. If I hear that you've been there, you're gone. I won't tolerate your presence near my family, and I have no problems throwing you out."

I was angry. Rikku would have known that. Rikku wouldn't have continued to push my button. But Adena wasn't Rikku. "What a wonderful man you are, kicking out the mother of your unborn child-" her sickeningly sweet smile didn't at all match the malice in her voice. I was grateful that she seemed to hate me as much as I hated her. I didn't have to feel guilty for it, if she hated me.

I interrupted her, slamming one of the large order booklets down on the counter in front of her sneering face. The windows shook in reverberation from the slam, and Adena shrunk back immediately. I leaned across the counter in anger, the only time I'd seen true fear in her eyes. It was strangely satisfying, and I stared right at her, my face not six inches from hers. "Don't push me," I whispered, my voice a menacing growl that I'd never heard escape my lips before.

And with that, I stormed from the shop, slamming the door behind me as I left a wide-eyed Adena both behind the counter and clouding my thoughts once again.

* * *

Telan squealed happily as Tidus picked her up, tickling her feet. He and Yuna were headed to visit Kimahri on Gagazet… but for now, Yuna was mine. And she brought advertisement books from Luca, full of suspiciously wedding worthy material.

"Keep her busy, will you?" Tidus nodded and waved his hand at me as he nibbled at Telan's toes, and Yuna dragged me off into the kitchen.

"Come on, hurry up, I found the cutest little dress for her! And flowers, I found the most pretty arrangements in… this one. Look!" As she spread various magazines on the kitchen table, she shoved a flower pamphlet in my face.

I glanced at the arrangement of Kilikan Firelilies before shoving the book to the side in disinterest. Flowers would be the last thing I chose. "I think you're more excited than I am!"

"Well, I can't plan my own wedding, so I have to do something!"

I smirked. "Ti! Yun-" but her hand covered my mouth and she glared at me.

"Shut. Up!" she whisper yelled at me.

"What? Didn't catch that…" Tidus called from the other room.

"Nothing! Rikku just had a question, but I answered it. Play with the baby!" Yuna answered, shutting the kitchen door with a dirty look back at me. "Don't encourage him!"

I laughed, taking a seat on the table and kicking my feet onto it. Yuna squeaked and scolded me for putting my 'disgusting shoes' on the books. "Well, how can he ask you so you can plan your own wedding, if he doesn't know that's what you want? He needs some encouragement if you aren't giving him any!"

She stopped and gave me a quizzical glance that reminded me of myself before shaking her head and sitting across from me. "He knows that's what I want."

"So why can't I give him extra encouragement?"

"Leave it! Just… just leave it. Look at this."

With a heavy sigh, I took the magazine from her hands and glanced down at… shoes. Quickly, I shut the magazine and tossed it back at Yuna. "I'm not looking at shoes before I even know if I'm having an evening or like… twilight wedding. So stop. No shoes."

She groaned. "Evening or twilight? Rikku, they're the same thing!"

"No, one starts when the sun is still kinda there and the other one is like… sun goes down, and then starts, so there's still light, but no bright burning ball of blinding sunlight? Y'know?"

She buried her face in her hands. "You're exhausting…"

"No, I'm just… I haven't even talked to Gippal about all this yet…"

"Well, good, then he can't fight with you when you tell him what you're doing."

"I'm not gonna _tell_ him, I'm gonna _ask_ him." I sat up straight in my chair, tempted to put my feet back up, but refraining at the last minute. Yuna reached across the table and took my hands in hers, giving me a comforting glance.

"No, Rikku, sweetie, you don't ask them. You just do. Don't ask. I'm sure he won't mind if you just look at… something. Anything."

"But I don't want to look until I talk to him about it, darling," I said, patting her hands and pulling my own from her grip. "Especially not shoes or flowers."

Yuna sighed, her happy expression falling slightly. "Dresses?" I hesitated. "Please, Rikku, please… look, I got all this stuff for you and you don't want to do anything, please, I just…"

"Shush, shush, fine. Dresses, I'll look at dresses. Pick a book…"

Yuna excitedly picked up a book that gave me the chills. It was massive. She handed it to me and flipped it open to some frilly, whipped cream looking puffy skirt that made me want to run screaming, and thankfully, the front door slammed open. I popped up out of my chair and dropped the book back onto the table.

Yuna followed me. "Dresses, Rikku, dress-" Gippal walked by, a scowl on his face as I opened the kitchen door.

"Hey man, where ya been?" Tidus asked as he entered the other room. "You okay, you look kinda… miffed."

Gippal blinked in surprise as he glanced over at Tidus, sitting on the couch with Telan. "Oh… hi… I didn't know you guys were coming over." He ran his hand through his hair. Suddenly, the scowl was gone, and he sat next to Tidus on the couch. "I'm fine… long day, you know? Had to go help some idiot with a problem down at the river…"

Yuna tapped my shoulder as I watched the two men chatting from the doorway. "Is he alright?"

I nodded. "Yeah… yeah, work's just been a little stressful for the past few weeks. And he's been acting a little different since the engagement party, y'know? Quieter than normal… I think he's nervous about getting married. Which is why I haven't talked to him yet…" I whispered back, pushing her into the kitchen and quietly shutting the door.

"Can you just… look, please?"

"Gimme the damn book…"

* * *

_I slowly walked back to the party, nearly an hour after I'd left Rikku. Still, I found her easily, dancing, laughing with Karaa. I watched for a moment, rubbing at my temples as I paced back and forth by the drink table. She looked so carefree, her hair flowing behind her as she danced the night away. Only an hour before, I'd been doing the same. _

_She spotted me and waved to me to join her. I shook my head, and she tapped Karaa's shoulder, signaling that she was going to take a break. _

_I watched her run over to me, and in a detached sort of way, I felt her grab my hands. "Oh, I was having so much fun… you should have come and danced with us… it was so much fun, Karaa found this really funny intern and she was totally romancing him and I was-" She paused for a moment, looking at me with concern. "Gippal… is everything okay?" _

_And I nodded. "Yeah, yeah… I'm fine. Everything's fine."_

* * *

_So… this took forever, I know, but here ya go! I hope you like it! Thanks _**FairyIce**_ for the betaing and for… yeah, like pretty much being amazing. You rock. And your amazing idea for a plot that was way better than mine rocks too, heehee. _

_Read and Review!_


	2. Dizzy

_**Journey's End  
**_**_Chapter 2: Dizzy_**

* * *

I sat at the kitchen table, spoon-feeding Telan some of the rice-cereal she'd finally decided she liked. I'd thought bottle-feeding could be a mess… I was wrong. This stuff was all over her face, her lap, the highchair, the floor, the table… I didn't mind cleaning it up, but in my opinion, it was even more disgusting than a nasty diaper change.

The kitchen door opened quietly, and I looked over my shoulder at a sleepy Gippal. "Morning, Rikki," he said quietly, his voice raspy with the morning.

"Hey," I said, standing up and setting Telan's spoon down on the table. She slapped her hands in the mess in her highchair tray, and I winced as more cereal bits flew around her. Gippal shook his head with a barely-there smile as he walked toward the cupboards. As he scanned the contents, I wrapped my arms around his uncovered torso and rested my cheek on his shoulder.

We stood there for a moment, silent, before he leaned back into my grasp. His muscles were tense, though he'd just woken up. I ran my hands over his shoulders lightly, kissing his cheek softly. "What's going on, Gip?" I asked.

"Whatcha mean?" he mumbled.

"You're tense." He sighed heavily at that, forcing himself to relax.

"Stuff's picking up on my end at the Faction. I'm just tired, Riks. I'm fine, don't worry." He reached into the cupboard for a breakfast bar, the type we'd carried on the pilgrimage four years before. Despite eating them every morning for months, I'd never gotten sick of them, and so I kept them in the house. Gippal was rather fond of them, as well.

"I can't help it." Gently, I let go of him, grabbing a washcloth from the counter before going back to the table to clean up Telan's mess.

He glanced over at the baby. "This baby food stuff might have been a bad idea." I laughed at his tone, one of absolute uncertainty.

"She was ready for it… had to start her on it some time."

"But… it's so messy!" He peeled the wrapper on his breakfast bar back, taking a bite.

I shrugged. "It's no big deal. It's gross. But she likes it." I glanced up at him, a worried look on my face. He sighed and came to sit next to me as I cleaned. "Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

"I'm fine." He kissed my forehead lightly. "Don't you get all stressed out, too."

I nodded and went back to cleaning Telan's cereal mush as Gippal pushed back his chair and retreated from the kitchen. For a short moment, I watched as the kitchen door swung back and forth, sighing as I wiped at the already clean table.

* * *

I sat in my office, signing papers without reading them. Rikku had noticed that I was stressed. That meant I was acting stressed. And that meant that I needed to calm down.

But how could I calm down if I was stressed for a good reason? Actually, it wasn't a good reason to be stressed. But I was stressed. So how to calm down? I had no idea. I had no one to talk to. That only made it worse.

In frustration, I tossed my pen at the wall. I was tired of signing things. I was tired of having time to think and not thinking. I pushed a button next to the CommSphere. "Karaa, I need you to come up here." Absently, I stared at the doorway until she entered, looking confused.

"Hey, Gippal, what do you need? I was fixing up those old transmitters that came in last week…"

"I'll do it. I… I need a break from all this paper signing. Can you take over for awhile?" She looked uncertain, but nodded. I was usually a firm believer in doing my own work, instead of dishing it out to my secretaries and co-workers. But not today. I needed to relax, after all, and paper shuffling was not relaxing.

"Yeah, no problem." I stood and picked the pen off the floor, handing it to her. She sat down in my chair, pulling the papers toward her and scanning them. "You're signing all these raise requests!" she asked, shock in her voice. "You _never_ do that!" I'm sure she saw the distress in my face, because she waved me out of the room. "I'll fix it. Go."

I wandered down the halls to the workroom that held the transmitter shipment from Bikanel. Instantly, I sat at the one on the worktable, picking up where Karaa had left off. Machinery always took my mind off things. Thankfully, this time was no exception.

* * *

"He says he's fine… he hasn't gotten any less weird since you guys left last week, though." I sat in an empty workroom inside the Faction building, tinkering with some new toy of Gippal's as I talked to Tidus on the CommSphere. Currently, he and Yuna were in Bevelle. I hadn't yet asked about how Baralai was… Tidus hadn't mentioned him. It was a mutual understanding.

"Gippal should just let you do his job for a few weeks. I'm sure you could handle it."

"I was going to suggest it. I don't know if he'll like it, though."

"Who cares if he likes it? If he's strung out, he should take time off." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Would you like Yuna to start blitzing for you because you were tense? Take away what you love because it was stressing you out a little?"

He frowned. "I see your point."

With a nod, I wrapped a few wires together. "Anyway… could you find a way to get rid of all those new bridal magazines I know Yunie is grabbing while she's down there? I'm not ready to plan anything yet. I need to talk to Gippal and Pops first. And I'm tired of her shoving them in my face."

He glanced behind him edgily. "There's about four on the night table."

"Burn 'em."

"How about I toss 'em into the Via Infinito?"

I glanced at him momentarily. "Why would you go back in there?"

"To permanently torture the bridal books?"

"…good plan."

I listened as he walked to the other side of the room. For a long moment, he was quiet, but when he returned he was looking proud of himself. "I hid them. I'll hide any others she brings in, too."

"Thank you, Ti…" I said, grinning as I closed a small compartment of the tiny machine back up.

"No problem, my friend. No problem at all."

We were quiet for a moment. I decided to ask the question that was burning in my mind. "Did she tell Baralai?"

Tidus put his serious face on as he nodded. "Yeah… yeah, she did."

"And? How'd he take it?"

He shrugged as I watched him through the screen. "He looked a little sad, but he said he was happy that everything is turning out for you. And for Gippal. He wanted us to give you his best wishes."

I nodded. "Tell him I expect to see him there. It's about time he and Gippal get over it. Hell, if I saw Adena now, I'd do my best to be civil about the whole thing. It was just stupid."

"Wait, you're inviting him to the wedding!"

"He's a friend. Why not?"

Tidus looked a bit uncertain. "Well… because… well, you, uh… had sex with him? Won't that be a bit awkward. Especially since the groom is his ex-best friend?"

"They're grown boys. They need to get over it."

"Easier said than done, Rikku."

I sighed heavily, tossing the screwdriver I'd been using into a bin. Gently, I set the little machine aside, looking over at Tidus. "I know, I know." Telan began to cry in her playpen in the corner of the room, and I jumped off my chair with a sigh.

Apparently, I'd gotten up much too quickly, because suddenly the room was spinning and I was throwing out a hand to steady myself against the worktable. I closed my eyes to stop the sensation, taking a few deep breaths.

"Rikku? You okay?" Tidus asked, his concerned voice sounding far off. I glanced back toward the CommSphere as the room steadied.

"Yeah… just a little dizzy spell. Stood up too quick… hold on, let me get her…"

* * *

I opened the door to the shop with a glare at the blond woman behind the desk. As much as I hated to admit it, whenever I'd given Adena a job to do, it got done. She'd wait for customers from dawn until dusk if need be, and she wouldn't complain about it. I made a mental note to make sure that Rikku stayed away from the Moonflow at all costs. This could be a problem.

She glanced up, and gave me a cheeky smile. "And he returns. I'm so shocked."

"No, you aren't. You're just glad I'm here, so you have something other than the walls to piss off." I dropped the box of parts on the counter in front of her with a thud. "That's everything. I'll be going now."

She sifted through the box as I walked toward the door. "Gippal, wait."

"What do you want this time?" I asked moodily, turning back toward her grudgingly.

To my surprise, she looked uncertain. "I was… well, I want to talk to you about something."

"Like what, Adena?"

She fiddled with the pages of the book she was scanning. "I was looking through some names. I found a few I like, so far… want to see them?" she asked, sounding a bit hopeful. She turned the book around and tapped some circled words on the page. "I just started going through girl names, so there aren't man-"

I pushed the book back toward her. "No, I don't want to see them."

I felt like an utter bastard when I saw her crestfallen expression. "Y-you don't? But, I thought… with Telan, you…"

"Telan has nothing to do with this. Leave her out of it. I don't want to see the names, okay?" I walked away, not looking at her so my guilt didn't have the opportunity to grow. "I hope those parts I brought work out." And I left her, staring at the counter, biting her lip. After all… why should I look at names for a baby that probably wasn't even mine?

* * *

_Sorry that took forever… lots of things have been going on in my life. I chose a college! Went to Disneyland! Had a mental breakdown or three… that sort of thing. I hope you all like it! Thanks **FairyIce**! _

_Please Read and Review!_


	3. Melt You Down

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 3: Melt You Down**_

* * *

Gippal and I sat together on the couch during the early morning hours. Blitzball was on the screen, as usual, and the house echoed with the voice of the Al Bhed announcer.

"Dra fyjac yna rekr uh Luca Pyo dutyo, yht dra cduns ec veanla, pid dryd'c hud ahuikr du cdub dra Psyches. Dra bnamesehyno clunac yna uid! Ed muugc mega dra any uv dra naekhehk Luca Goers ec muhk kuha. Dra Psyches yna deat fedr dra Aurochs, frelr sayhc dryd drao'mm pa vylehk uvv eh dusunnuf'c vencd sydlr! Eh udran hafc, ed muugc mega dra cdyn bmyoan uv dra Aurochs ec muugehk du dnyhcvan daysc!"

Gippal pulled the heavy comforter tighter around his body. "Tidus fahd bipmel…"

"Sir Tidus naehcdydat dra days dryd fyc SEY vun y druicyht oaync, dra Zanarkand Abes, pid cicbeleuicmo, ra cdyoat uh dra meha-ib vun dra meddma-ecmyht-days-dryd-luimt. Lineeicmo ahuikr, dra Zanarkand Abes yna cdydeuhat eh Bevelle, yc dra ledo ryc hu days uv edc ufh, yht dra Zanarkand niehc ryja paah pyhhat du ymm lejemeyhc fedruid bnuban lmaynyhla..."

"So that's why they're staying in Bevelle for so long," I murmured, shoving my feet under the blanket.

Gippal nodded. "Thought you knew about all this."

"Huba. Hud y drehk."

"…kejah Besaid ahuikr desa de syga dras muca dryd mucehk cdnayg! Sir Tidus huf ryc rec ufh days du luylr, yht y haf nabidydeuh du piemt. Fa muug vunfynt du Sir Wakka'c essehahd lusehk-uid-uv-nadenasahd-ykyeh tapid." Both of us laughed at that. Gippal turned the volume down as the talk shifted to the new chocobo racetrack on Bikanel, funded by Clasko.

"You tired yet?" he asked with a yawn.

"I'm exhausted!" I whined. "I just can't sleep. I'm all… jumpy. And I get jumpy when I don't feel well!"

He groaned loudly. "Please don't get me sick. I've got enough to deal with."

I ignored him, wiggling my toes under his blanket. "Frema fa'na yfyga..."

"I'm trying to sleep."

"... E druikrd syopa fa luimt dymg ypuid y meddma cusadrehk dryd haatc dymgehk ypuid."

He peered over the covers at me, his eyes uncertain. "Which would be?"

"Our wedding." Relief filled his gaze, followed by nervousness.

"You planned it _already_?" he asked, sounding a bit disappointed. "I thought you would have talked to me first…"

"Nonononono… I haven't done _anything_, despite Yuna's insistence."

"So she _is_ annoying you about it. Tidus mentioned that she was annoying him about it. He was kind of upset about that one, since it's not even his wedding…"

"Yeah, she needs to leave me alone." I leaned against the arm of the couch, closing my eyes to avoid the sunlight that was beginning to leak through the windows. "So, what do you want to do about this wedding?"

"Are you sure you're not going to get me sick? Maybe we should talk about this when you aren't all germy."

I glared at him. "I want to talk about it now." With a sigh, I wiggled my toes again. "Why do you want to put it off so badly?"

"I don't. I just don't want to get sick."

"Uh-huh…"

Gippal sighed heavily, staring at me as he rubbed his temples. "I just-" Telan's screaming from her bedroom cut him off.

"Don't worry about it," I sighed, getting off the couch with effort. He stared at the ground as I receded down the hall.

* * *

I could see her shoulders slumping dejectedly as she stood to get Telan, and I looked away. I kept my eyes pointedly to the carpet. I'd never realized how stupid I'd been to get white carpeting for the most social room in the house. Then again, I'd never realized how many stupid decisions I made on a regular basis, so it didn't shock me.

Telan's cries quieted. I stood, blinking fiercely to clear the sleep from my eyes. Rikku didn't emerge in the hallway… I had a feeling she wasn't going to.

With a frustrated sigh, I stood and pulled a coat from the entryway closet. As I exited the front door, into the storm outside, I looked back down the hall. Rikku stared back at me from Telan's doorway. She nodded when I paused, and I continued to shut the door behind me.

_How can I tell you that the past has come back to haunt us again? How can I tell you that I messed up? _

* * *

I set myself down in front of the navigation controls on the Celsius, pressing the button that would close the ramp as I made myself comfortable. A clipboard was sitting on top of the console, the list of stops for the day and the time allotted for each.

I picked it up and scanned through. "Brother's job is harder than I thought…" I said to myself as I saw all the different coordinates, out of order stops all over Spira. I was glad that I'd get to see Kimahri, Wakka, and Lulu during my various deliveries, but I wasn't glad that I'd been volunteered to fly the airship in Brother's absence. I still wasn't feeling well, and flying a massive hulk of metal through the jet-stream probably wouldn't do a thing for my stomach.

Gippal and I had never gotten around to talking about the wedding that morning. Too much had happened. Gippal had left when Telan started crying for the office. I'd had to lie down for a few hours because I was feeling dizzy. Gippal had finally come back from the temple to take Telan from me, and he came with news that Brother had been detained overnight on a research ship and was unable to make deliveries for the day. Why my brother was on a research ship, I'll never know. But I'd be sure to kick him when he got back, because Gippal and I were the only ones he trusted enough to allow to fill his empty seat, and Gippal was busy with other things.

I typed the coordinates in for Remiem Temple in the Calm Lands. The bridge was silent. All the workers were busy in the Engine Room, organizing pieces for delivery. Telan had stayed behind with Gippal. With a sigh, I reclined in the chair, putting the ship on autopilot as it lifted off the ground. Silence was rare… and I needed a little shut-eye.

* * *

I stared at the bright windows above the outpost, conflict in my eyes and heart, Telan in my arms. I didn't want to bring her here. I couldn't leave her at home. I had to do my duty and check on Adena.

Rikku was out delivering on the Celsius. I was worried, what with that morning's dizzy spells. She'd promised me before she left that she would put the ship on autopilot, but I was still worried. And guilty. She'd left our daughter with me. And I, being the horrible person I was, was taking her into the den of the enemy.

I walked up the stairs and unlocked the front door, stepping into the dark shop. I was unhappy. I didn't want to be here. Telan leaned her head tiredly on my shoulder. "I know, angel, you're tired… Daddy's got you…" After re-locking the door, I moved smoothly through the opening in the counter and up the stairwell in the corner. I'd allowed Adena to live in the apartment upstairs, despite my anger. I couldn't let her find her own lodging. Keeping her here, in the Moonflow, was better than risking everything with Rikku before I figured out how to dampen the situation.

Telan dug her small fingers into my shirt, holding on tightly as I climbed the stairs. I adjusted her before knocking on the door at the top. I hated doing this. Telan shouldn't have to be involved. But she would be, no matter what… right?

Adena opened the door, her hair thrown atop her head in a messy style, as Rikku's often was, her eyes tired. She looked shocked when Telan blinked up at her from my arms. "You brought the baby?"

"I couldn't leave her at home alone," I answered darkly, though my voice lacked the malice it usually held. "Can we come in?"

"Sure… but…"

I entered, holding Telan tightly as I stepped into the small, brightly lit space. I ignored the ever-pressing sense of wrongness as I moved into the living area and took a seat on the couch. "But?"

"I thought you wanted her left out of this? And then you bring her with you?"

"Believe me, I didn't want to. If I'd had a choice, I wouldn't have." Telan looked up at Adena for a long moment, watching her curiously before letting her head fall on my shoulder once again. "Sleep, angel… you're tired…"

Adena watched me strangely as I bounced the baby softly, running my fingers over her back in an attempt to lull her to sleep. Somehow, if she were asleep, I wouldn't feel so bad. Or at least I hoped I wouldn't. Then, she shrugged and sat down opposite me. "So… why'd you bring her with you?"

"Because Rikku's not here and I didn't want to find a baby-sitter."

"Alright…" For a long time, the two of us were quiet, watching Telan in her drowsiness. "You didn't have to come today."

"I told you that I would, so I'm here. I don't go back on my word."

"That's a good thing…" She glanced at me. "Sorry I upset you the other day."

I shrugged. "No big deal."

She shook her head, giving a longing look toward Telan. "Yeah, I guess not. I won't ask you about baby stuff, anymore. I don't want to make you any angrier than you already are."

Her gaze continually rested on Telan in the silence that followed. I found it harder to suppress my guilt as she watched the little girl in my arms. For now… I was conscious of the many different things I was feeling guilty for.

* * *

_Sorry for the wait! Way busy, graduation, etc. Be back with Chapter 4 in June! Thanks **FairyIce** for all your help!_


	4. Peripheral Vision

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 4: Peripheral Vision**_

* * *

After a week and a half of waiting, Gippal had finally approached me to talk about the wedding. He looked eager, though I don't know if he was eager to talk about it with more or to get it over with. I understood it. He was nervous. So was I. He was getting more and more stressed as time passed, but I knew work had something to do with it. This was the season in which the most machinery broke down. It was only natural for his job to get more stressful. My job was picking up as well, because instead of just supervising the new mechanics, I was being called on to fix the more complicated machines with the other journeymen. Gippal rarely had time to attend to it himself, and he was happy to watch Telan while going through his mountains of paperwork. When he'd taken a few hours out of his busy schedule to sit and talk with me about our wedding, I'd felt a little better about the situation. I was beginning to think it had something to do with me, as well.

We'd decided on an evening wedding on the beach, though we were divided on the subject of Bikanel or Besaid. Whether I liked it or not, it looked like the small wedding I'd always wanted would have to be large. I may not have been the High Summoner, but I was close enough. Gippal, too, was well known among the Spiran public. A rough count on guests rested at three hundred, but I knew that when I contacted Yuna about finalizing the guest list, the number would grow. I probably wouldn't even know half of the people invited. Our close friends would make up the bridal party, as expected. After the reception, Gippal and I would leave for a few days, and then return to our small group of friends for a week of relaxation.

I sat on our bed, scanning through a magazine. The hardest part would be picking out the flowers, so I decided to search for a dress, instead. I'd leave the flowers to Lulu or Yuna. They were much better at that sort of thing. I flipped quickly through the pages, avoiding the cake skirts at all costs. I couldn't help laughing as I saw one with little buttons in the gatherings. It looked as if someone had thrown a misshapen quilt on the bottom of a hideously lacy bodice.

"Why do I even have to wear a dress?" I mumbled to myself, flipping to the end of the cake skirt section. Of course, I wanted to wear a dress. But it was a lot of hassle, to find one I liked, to find one that would make me look like a goddess. "It had better be worth all this fuss," I sighed, pausing for a moment to hold my ring next to a very sparkly, slim-cut white dress. "Too… dinner party," I said, flipping the page again.

Unexpectedly, a wave of nausea broke over me. I leaned my head back, closing my eyes as my stomach churned. "The hell…" I murmured, taking a deep breath. Instinct kept me completely still as I waited for the sick feeling to pass. But it didn't. Instead, I jumped off the bed, the magazine falling to the floor, and ran into the bathroom.

I knelt in front of the toilet just in time, pulling my hair away from my face as I vomited miserably. My mind moved away from all thoughts of wedding plans, as I knelt there for a long moment. Mentally, I was cursing.

Gippal had been napping on the couch, but I guess the sound of my retching had woken him. I heard his footsteps behind me, and I felt his gentle hands gather my hair, holding it away from my face. He placed a hand on my forehead, checking for a fever as I continued to be sick to my stomach. "Relax, Rikki… it wants out, let it out."

I groaned, but I listened to him, relaxing under his cool touch. Soon enough, he handed me a washcloth to wipe my mouth on, and I flushed the toilet, sitting back on the floor. The nausea was going away as quickly as it had come, but the sick feeling remained. "Sorry," I whispered, resting my head on the cold tile.

He sat next to me, his eyes filled with concern. "It's okay. Relax." With a sigh, I moved my head onto his lap, and he gently finger combed my hair as I closed my eyes. "Do you want me to get you anything?"

"Water would be great…" I sighed. He stayed for a few more moments before getting up and moving quietly out of the room. As I lay there, on the cold bathroom floor, it hit me. The strangest sense of déjà vu. I knew this… it was all too familiar, all too recent. But it couldn't be happening this soon… could it?

* * *

_I sat on the floor in the bathroom, leaning back against the cool wall with my eyes closed, breathing deeply. The stone floor was cold, but I didn't care. I was sweating, dizzy, and sick to my stomach. I groaned and coughed, bracing myself as I returned to my position near the toilet._

* * *

_Suddenly, my vision began to swim and I swayed, coming dangerously close to falling off the step. My partner called out in concern as I grabbed onto the machina, holding it tightly in order to steady myself. "Rikku! You okay up there?" I waited for a moment, taking deep breaths before answering._

"_I'll be fine…"_

* * *

"_I keep getting dizzy, and I'm getting sick all the time… and…"_

_She came in and closed the door behind her. Cautiously, she sat beside me and ran her hand comfortingly through my hair. I lifted my head and stared at the opposite wall. "And?"_

"_E's myda…" I whispered, leaning my head back against the wall. Her eyes widened and she stared at me for a long while, speechless._

* * *

_Tidus scrambled over to me as I rolled over, opening my eyes and staring over the edge as I gripped the ledge tightly. I couldn't help it as my body rejected the small bit of breakfast that I'd risked. Tidus pulled my hair away from my face, gentle and concerned as my tiny body bucked with the dry heaving that resulted from the lack of anything else to give up. _

_I coughed heavily for a few moments, resting my suddenly hot forehead against the cool stone. My breathing was heavy for a long while, as I tried to stop the sickness from coming again. Tidus lightly caressed my arm, comforting me as I rested there silently, my eyes closed against the bright sunlight. When I felt like I could move once more, I opened my eyes for only a few seconds, before I rolled over and placed my head in Tidus' lap. _

"_Rikku… you alright?" he asked softly, running his fingers through my hair in an effort to comfort me. _

* * *

Gippal's soft footsteps returned, but I kept my eyes closed tight. I didn't want to give anything away… not until I was sure. After all, he'd never been around a pregnant woman. He'd nearly always been working when I'd been sick with Telan… before I left, anyway. He wouldn't know what this meant. It felt the same… but I couldn't say anything until I was sure.

"Here's your water," he said softly, setting it down next to me. I reached for the glass and took a long drink, trying to calm my humming nerves. Telan was only five and a half months old, and I was still eighteen. Was I really ready to jump into this again, so soon?

I looked up at Gippal. He reached out to touch my cheek, softly, concern in his eyes. "Want me to take you down to the Faction doctor?" he asked, his voice quiet. And I knew the answer was yes. Not to his question. To my question. As long as he was there, I was more than ready to dive in. I'd always wanted a big family, and I'd always expected it to come sooner, rather than later. If I was pregnant, then I would be pleased. I knew he'd be happy, too.

"No… I'll have Brother drop me off in Luca tomorrow. I know the doctor's there better than I know the ones here. Besides, I should probably take Telan for a check up, while I'm at it." I sighed heavily, and he nodded. I took another sip of the water, smacking myself mentally. It was right on the edge of my vision the whole time… I'd just been too stupid to see it.

* * *

Rikku had been feeling sick on and off for the past few weeks. I'd been feeling a little ill as well, from all the stress of work and keeping Adena away from Djose and away from Rikku. Adena was beginning to show, now… I didn't have to ask her about it. I could tell myself. That's what scared me. She was still thin as ever, except for the slight bulge around the middle. Anyone would be able to tell. Rikku couldn't see her.

I pushed a completed stack of paperwork to the side, staring at my office, which had once been comforting, and now felt like a box. The couch in the corner looked alluring… my nap had been interrupted by Rikku that morning. I avoided looking at it. I'd only get more exhausted if I dreamed of napping.

Brother had agreed to take Rikku and Telan to Luca the following morning. Yuna was going along, as well. Apparently, Yuna was tired of Bevelle and her endless meetings with Baralai's officials while Tidus was in the blitz sphere. She wanted out for awhile, and when Rikku had called her to present the option of a day in Luca, she'd agreed without hesitation.

I remembered sitting here, not long ago, worrying about how to propose. How to open myself up completely. And now I was sitting here, worrying about how to keep things hidden. Nervously, I tapped the floor rapidly with my foot, the steel toe of my work boots making annoying sounds on the hard temple floor.

I grabbed the pen and pulled more papers toward me, signing, seeing and thinking about nothing but making the signature perfectly legible on every line. A most un-me-like thing to do.

* * *

I set Telan down in her crib, covering her up as she yawned in her sleep. No lines of distress crossed her features, no worries filled her mind. She was a happy baby. For a moment, I wished I could be a happy baby again, too, but then I shook it off. I made the problem. Now I had to deal with it.

I stepped quietly into the hall, breathing deeply as I listened to the light sprinkle on the roof. Slowly, I made my way to the doorway of my bedroom, glancing inside at the young woman curled up on the bed. Rikku was breathing deeply, her hair spread out around her. She had the blankets pulled up to her chin, as usual, her arms flung casually over her head as she rested. I'd spent so much time trying to hide everything from her that I'd barely spent time with her, barely looked at her, since our engagement party.

She'd seemed pretty miserable that morning, but she had her familiar glow back. Even in sleep, she radiated warmth. Gently, I leaned my head against the doorjamb, watching her steady breathing. It had always amazed me that she looked so frail when she was, in reality, stronger than most. I crossed the room, gently resting my weight atop the blankets as I lay down next to her. She sighed softly as I reached up, covering one of her bare arms with my own.

"You're beautiful…" I whispered, caressing her skin lovingly. I hadn't realized I needed the comfort of her touch. I felt better just holding her, one arm around her waist, than I had in days. I felt the writhing uncertainty within me die down and recede.

She sighed heavily, slowly opening her big green eyes. With a yawn, she pulled her free arm down to rub away the sleep. I gently played with her fingers, tightening my hold about her waist. She looked over her shoulder at me, her tired eyes wide and sparkling. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" she whispered, rolling onto her back.

"What do you mean?" I whispered back, tickling the palm of her hand.

Rikku only smirked. "You've been staying away from me so you don't get sick. So why are you so close when you've seen me puking?"

"That was eloquent." I raised an eyebrow at her.

"I know. Why are you all lovey-dovey?"

I kissed her cheek softly. "Because maybe getting sick doesn't matter much after all."

She blinked at me and then looked at the ceiling. "Good boy." I rested my head on her shoulder.

"Are you feeling better?" I asked, my lips grazing her skin.

"Uh-huh. Much." She took a deep breath as I pushed myself up, resting my torso on hers.

I kissed her, slowly putting soft pressure on her lips. She responded warmly, and I took her hand in my own, squeezing softly. She squeezed back.

"I love you," I whispered into her ear, caressing her side lightly.

She closed her eyes and smiled softly. "I know…"

* * *

I watched as the Celsius took off over the ocean, carrying my fiancée, daughter, and cousin-to-be to Luca. They'd be back in a few days, as Yuna had asked to visit Besaid while they were out and Rikku had agreed to go with her. It was weird, to watch her leave, but to know she'd come back this time. I waited until the red streak in the clouds was too small to distinguish before I retreated to the small hover station behind me.

I made it to the Moonflow in mere moments, rather than the usual twenty or so minutes it would take me to walk. I liked not having the time to think as I rode into the port town and parked the hover in front of the shop.

With a sigh, I stepped inside. The lights were on in the little shop, the door open, but no one was behind the counter. "Hello?" I called out, looking around between shelves. No answer. "Anyone here?"

I stepped behind the counter and began to walk up the stairs, a concerned feeling crossing my mind. I pushed it away. I didn't want to be concerned about her. I couldn't be. "Adena?" I opened the door into her apartment, stepping inside without even a knock. "Adena?"

She was curled up on the couch, resting her head on a pillow, wearing her work clothes. I sighed in relief, as much as I didn't want to admit it, and I walked toward her, crouching next to her. Gently, I brushed her hair out of her face, an uncertain motion. She jumped at the touch, pulling back.

"Gippal," she gasped. "What the _hell_ are you doing here?" I pulled my hand back, watching her. She didn't seem angry, just frightened. "Can't you make noise or something?"

"I did, I was yelling for you. You just didn't answer me."

She looked back at me, fixing the hair that I'd brushed back. "You did?"

"Yes, I did."

"You didn't have to scare me. Or look for me. I can take care of myself." She straightened her messy work clothes, and proceeded to glare at me.

"You left the shop open…" I mumbled, glancing back at the open door.

With a sigh, she followed my gaze to the door. "I… I didn't mean to leave it…"

"It's fine. I just… I don't know what I thought." I sat on the coffee table, looking at her pale face as she straightened the couch uncomfortably. "You okay? You look tired."

She met my eyes cautiously, as she always seemed to do. "Not feeling so well, today… I _am_ tired. Really tired."

I nodded, tapping my foot on the floor. "Rikku's not feeling too hot, either. She went to the doctor this morning." She pulled her eyes away, and I sighed. I shouldn't have brought her up. She was probably still sore from me bringing Telan along. "I'll stay down in the shop, today. You should rest…"

For a long moment, she was silent. "I don't want to owe you any favors. It's okay."

"You don't have to owe me anything. Everyone needs a day off. And…" I took a deep breath. "Well, you're pregnant. Of course you're going to be tired. I'd understand if you closed the shop a few days a week. It's not a big deal. Your health is more important than revenues."

She looked up quickly at me again. "Now I know you're joking."

"I'm serious, actually." I stood up, and she looked up at me as I crossed to the stairwell.

"Gippal?" I looked back. Her eyes were grateful. "Thank you."

* * *

_Thanks so much to **FairyIce**, I'm so sorry I was being rude. Or I felt like I was being rude. If I was, I apologize! You're amazing! Thanks to all the readers and reviewers, as well, you guys are amazing. I'm loving the more in depth reviews I've been getting lately, it's so helpful and amazing! Really, this time, no more updates until June!_

_Please Read and Review!_


	5. Down For Awhile

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 5: Down For Awhile**_

* * *

"_Gippal!" A voice rang clearly over the sands of my home, as I stared at the oasis. Was it even there? Was it just a mirage? Just a memory? I was haunted by memories, lately. I couldn't escape them. I just wanted to go home, but I couldn't. "Hey!"_

_I turned, looking toward the girl who walked toward me with an annoyed look on her face. "Yeah?"_

"_Will you stop walking and listen to me for a minute?" she asked, brushing her short hair out of her eyes. _

"_Sorry, Paine," I mumbled, looking toward the oasis again. "Do you see that?" I asked, pointing._

"_That water hole? Yeah, I see it. But we're supposed to be reporting to our campsite, which is in the other direction. Why the hell are you walking around alone on some death trap island without any idea where you're going, anyway? You can't navigate worth a damn…" she muttered, pulling on my shoulder strap to pull me back down the sand dune. _

_I knew where I was. I knew exactly where I was. And if they hadn't had me, they wouldn't have made it anywhere near the campsite in the first place. I knew Bikanel like the back of my hand. But I couldn't tell them that, or I'd give away the fact that the Al Bhed were hiding out here, and had been for years. Which was a big no-no. I glanced back at the oasis. I was so close to home, so close to getting away. _

_I let Paine drag me down the dune and away from Home. I'd committed. I'd done this to myself. And now I needed to deal with it and make my people proud. _

* * *

I let myself into the shop, which was dark and quiet, a bag of steaming food from the restaurant in my hands. With a sigh, I strode up the stairs. I hadn't eaten alone for quite some time now. It made me depressed. Eating with Adena was better than eating by myself. I knocked softly on the door at the top of the stairs, waiting for what felt like a long time as I listened to her footsteps slowly approaching the door.

"Gippal?" she asked, her voice muffled behind the wood.

"Yeah. Can I come in?" I asked, tapping my foot lightly.

She opened the door, her tired eyes meeting mine. "Do you need something?" she asked calmly.

"You look tired, again," I noted, standing in the doorway.

"Yeah, well, that doesn't answer my question."

"I brought dinner." I stepped inside, walking toward the small kitchen table. "I didn't know what you'd want, so I got chicken or steak. I'll eat whichever you don't want…"

She followed me to the table. "What's the special occasion?" she asked, her eyes uncertain. "You never bring food."

"I thought it would be nice to have dinner together for once. Is that a bad thing?"

She shook her head, taking a seat. "No. It just means that Rikku is out of town and you're lonely. But I can deal with that." I was quiet as I took the separated meals from the bag, setting them down on the table.

"What makes you think Rikku is out of town?" I asked, waiting for her to choose which meal she wanted.

She pulled the chicken toward her, shrugging. "You'd never be here if you could be with her." It was simple, but it was the truth. I didn't deny it. She began to eat, and the two of us were quiet for a moment

"This is delicious," she said, chewing thoughtfully. "Thank you… where'd you get it?"

"That little place down the road? The one by Rin's?"

"Really? I'll have to go there more often."

Our small talk was awkward, but not unpleasant. As I cut my meat, I found myself enjoying Adena's company. It made me nervous. "How was your day?"

"A lot of minor repairs came in. I could fix most of them, but a few big pay, big fix jobs require more than one person. I'm the only one here, so… I'll have them sent in to the temple for repairs." I hadn't assigned any other workers to the outpost. The local center for mail distribution, a new development on the Moonflow, was my main source of transportation for equipment to and from the shop. The business needed support, and I needed easy, cheap deliveries. It was a perfect exchange. And it kept Adena's presence from anyone else's knowledge.

"That's fine…" I sighed, leaning my head to the side. "I wasn't asking about the shop, though. I meant… you. How was your day?"

She blinked uncertainly at me a few times. "It was alright."

I wasn't used to this. If I asked Rikku, Yuna, or even Karaa about their days, they would have gone off on a full-blown explanation of various events. "Just alright?"

She nodded, taking a bite of chicken. "Yeah." For a few seconds, she looked out the small kitchen window. "I felt the baby kick for the first time. It felt weird. I'm not sure if that's what it was, but I've never felt something like it before, so I guess it had to be."

I tensed. She'd felt it kick, and that meant it was real. It was really there. I wasn't wasting my time coming here, spending time with her and making sure she was okay, because if she'd felt the baby kick, that meant there was really a baby, I had really messed up, and I really needed to tell Rikku. My life was really spinning out of my control.

She continued to eat her chicken as I remained motionless across from her. I didn't want to be mad, I had no right to be mad… but I was. I tried to suppress it. But the words slipped out, anyway. "I thought you said you weren't going to talk to me about the baby anymore."

She glanced up, staring at me blankly for a few seconds. Her eyes widened as she realized that I was angry. "I… I know. I just… well, I don't have anyone else to talk to about it, Gippal, and-"

"I don't want to hear about it, Adena. You know that. You said you wouldn't talk about it. So why do you have to bring it up over, and over, and over again?" My voice was becoming louder with every word. I hated this unfamiliar anger that was taking me and turning me into some kind of monster.

She set her knife and fork down, staring at me. She was angry too, I could sense it. "Because I want you to have something to do with this baby, did you ever think about that?"

"You just want money, and you know it." When I heard those words come out of my mouth, I frowned. It was the anger talking. I couldn't really think that. _You just hope for it._

Her anger turned to hurt in an instant. "No! I don't want money, Gippal, I want you to be a father, like you are to Telan!" Tears were forming in her eyes, clumping, spilling down her cheeks. This hurt her more than I thought it did. Something in her expression reminded me of Rikku… and I broke.

"Don't!" I lost it. "Don't talk about how I act with my daughter! Of course I'm going to act like a father, she's my little girl!"

Her voice was quiet. "So is this baby. Shouldn't you be acting more interested in this one?"

"Why should I be interested in a brat that probably isn't even mine?" I yell, tossing my fork onto the plate. Silence followed, broken by sobs. Adena's sobs.

"Because you know it is. Gippal, you know… it's yours. You wouldn't be- you wouldn't take care of me if you didn't know. You wouldn't come here everyday. You wouldn't have given me a job." Her eyes, brighter with the draining tears, cut into me. "You wouldn't have given me a place to live." Her words were biting. "You wouldn't be paying my medical bills. Gippal, you buy my groceries… why would you bother if you didn't know? If you didn't feel that it was true, somehow? Why would you waste the time and the energy on me if you didn't believe it?" Her sobbing became harsher. "It's just like a machine, if you can't fix it, you throw it out. If you didn't think you had some sort of responsibility, you would've thrown me out of your office when I came to tell you."

"I should have," I mumbled, glaring at her. The truth hurt too much for me to accept it. I couldn't. I didn't want to.

"You know this baby is yours, yours and mine, and you didn't want it to happen, and I get that. But it did, okay? It did, and now we have to deal with it. As far as I know, you didn't want Telan to happen either, but you love her. You hold her like she's glass and you love her. Why can't you love our baby? Why can't you acknowledge the fact that it's here, it's growing inside me, and stop making me feel guilty for it so that you don't have to?" Her voice broke. She stormed away from the table, and I followed her.

"You _should_ feel guilty! This is your fault! You should have never come over to my house, you should have never conned me into kissing you, and you should have never taken it further! Do you see what you've done? How am I supposed to tell my fiancée that I've got a new baby on the way, and it's not with her, it's with someone she caught me sleeping with months ago? How is she supposed to take it, huh?"

Adena was furious. I couldn't blame her for that one, though I was trying to blame everything else on her. "She should take it and deal with it! It's her fault, not mine! If she hadn't left you in the first place, this never would have happened!" She stopped in her tracks, glaring at me. "I knew about Telan, did you know that? Did she ever tell you that she told me before she told anyone else? How does that make you feel, that your precious _fiancée_ told me about your baby and then ran off to hide because she was too scared to face reality? Does that piss you off, Gippal? You didn't even find out about that kid until she was in the damn delivery room! If she hadn't abandoned you in Luca, this wouldn't have happened! You wouldn't have been lonely, I wouldn't have come to make sure you were alright, and you never would have offered me a drink! We never would have been in this mess if it weren't for Rikku, so do-"

I was furious. How could she blame this on Rikku? How could she lie about knowing about Telan, just to hurt me? "Don't you blame her for this! She has nothing to do with your scams!"

"It's not a scam." She placed a hand on her stomach, her sudden calm almost frightening. "See this? This nice little bulge? It's real, Gippal, and you need to learn to accept it. You want to pretend to be an adult? Start acting like one. Get out of my house." I stood my ground. "Get out!" She screamed, pointing at the door.

And I did. I slammed the door behind me, so loud I thought the roof would come crashing down upon my head, and I stormed down the stairs, fuming. I paused between the shelves, my eyes wide as I remembered something Rikku had said a few months ago.

"…_I told myself that it could wait for two weeks. Every time I got the courage to tell you, something else came up. But then I realized that I was almost two months along and I couldn't keep it a secret for much longer. The only person who knew was… Adena. I kept hoping that you would just notice… but you didn't..."_

Adena hadn't lied after all. And for some reason, that made me suspicious of Rikku. I didn't like it. As I stormed out of the shop, the sound of broken glass followed me down the street as the window shattered on the front door.

* * *

I was alone for the first time since I'd gone to Bevelle. I'd never really thought about it before, but there was always someone with me, whether it be Telan or Gippal, Karaa, the trainees…

I liked the quiet. It reminded me of my days commanding the salvage boat, of our pilgrimage, of Bikanel.

The office that I sat in, however, reminded me of feeling miserable. Of feeling scared. For it was the very same office I sat in on that day when I came to Luca to confirm the signs. The same office where the doctor had told me that I was going to have a baby. The same office that I'd left in a daze, not seeing the streets as I walked through them, thinking only about how I was going to tell Gippal. Then, the wait for answers had bothered me. It was the same now.

I'd been waiting for nearly an hour. I needed to make sure. They'd said that it would be unlikely for me to get pregnant again any time soon when I'd first left the hospital. They told me to be careful to avoid tearing the same tissue that had caused my internal bleeding during Telan's birth. I'd been careful and it hadn't torn. So I couldn't be pregnant again, could I?

It wasn't like with Telan, the uncertainty and the unknowing. I wasn't just following the signs, I had a feeling. I just didn't know if it was right.

* * *

A knock sounded on the door. I turned in my chair, taking a deep breath as the doctor took a seat behind her desk. And all she had to do was smile. I started laughing. "Congratulations, Rikku."

And I laughed harder. Because there was a strange irony and familiarity about the situation. Once again, this was unplanned and unexpected.

"Thank you!" I sighed, feeling my nervous tension slip away. She nodded, watching me as I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my forehead.

"Rikku… I want you to be careful." I looked up at the woman who'd saved my life with a confused expression on my face. "Telan is nearly six months old, I know, but most people wait for at least a year after their first child to have another. Especially after a traumatic birthing experience like yours."

I nodded uncertainly. "I didn't… well… we weren't really _trying_…"

"I know. No one in their right mind would _try_ to have another child so quickly. But the fact is, you need to be cautious. Your body may seem like it's back to normal, and you may feel just as energetic as you did before the coma. But don't push it. I don't want to see you in here having a nervous breakdown with a technically new little one at home and another one on the way."

"Alright," I said, smiling at her. She was probably right. I shouldn't push myself too hard.

"And don't stress about telling Gippal, either. I'm sure he'll be happier than a stuffed moogle. Tell him I said hi, alright?" she asked, patting my hands with a grin.

And I sat back with a blank expression on my face as I nodded. Because I didn't think about that. Would Gippal be happy? How was I supposed to tell him?

* * *

_I was going to write more, but I figured the next chapter can be full of what I was going to add. It's been nearly a month since I've updated, so I figured you'd rather some now, some more soon! Sorry if it wasn't amazing. I've been doubting myself and the quality of my work lately. So, thanks to **FairyIce**, the most amazing friend and beta a girl could ever ask for, to **Haru No Yo** for her patience on my own very shifty betaing, and to **Black Eyed Mistress** for trying to keep me from thinking my writing is horrible. Check out my joint account with **BEM**_**, _Jezzi-BEM_. **_And review! And beg **FairyIce** to update Sand and Water, because she won't listen to me! Okay, I'm done talking now!_

_Please Read and Review!_


	6. No Excuse to Abridge Our Story

_**Journey's End**_

_**Chapter 6: No Excuse to Abridge Our Story**_

* * *

I listened to Telan's giggles as Vidina tickled her behind me in the square. Lulu and Yuna's gentle chatter surrounded me on the breeze, incoherent with the distance, but audible all the same. I closed my eyes, listening to the birds, to the rustle of the palm trees. Did Besaid ever change? Was it capable of making one feel anxious instead of calm? I didn't think so.

A deep breath brought the scent of the ocean to my nose, and I grinned. The ocean in Djose didn't smell the same as it did here. You could taste the salt in the air in Djose. Here, the salt was only one of many things, of fruits and cooking spices. I glanced once at where Yuna and Lulu sat with the children, by the temple stairs, and I walked slowly through the tiny village. The hotel was empty. The elders were wandering shaking their canes at the children who ran with their dog between the shoreline and the temple square.

I exited the village gates and walked slowly up the hill, watching the sand fleck dirt turn into dirt flecked sand beneath my feet. The waterfalls were full to bursting after recent rains had restored the springs, and I smiled, sticking my hand into the falling water as I passed beneath. It was warm as the breeze, only thicker.

And that's why I loved this island. Everything here radiated a sense of comfort and warmth. Everything here existed without a reason or an explanation. It just was. As it was. No differences. If a difference occurred, it occurred. No information needed.

Even the sand beneath my bare feet was warm. Not hot. Not burning. A perfect place, with perfect weather. A perfect place to think. I stepped onto the dock, staring at the open ocean and the senseless pattern of waves that washed into the shore, and back out. Last time I'd come here to think, my feet had been sore and swollen.

I dipped them into the ocean at the end of the dock, watching the little fish below in the clear blue water. I wiggled my toes, made myself comfortable. And then I sighed.

My mind was full of questions, again. My heart was beating quickly. Last night, when we'd arrived, I'd wanted to pick up a CommSphere. I'd wanted to tell him. But I knew I couldn't do that. It had to be different. I'd chosen not to tell him, last time. I'd run. I'd run here, so that I could think.

I had to tell him, and soon. I didn't want to wait until it was apparent. But I didn't want to rush it, either. I wanted it to be right. No stress, smiles, fluffy teddy bears, and cookies. Happy.

But I was stressed, I was frowning, I had no fluffy teddy bear, and I desperately wanted some comfort cookies. I messed it up, last time. I never told him. How could I make it perfect? How could I tell him that we were having another baby, and see that smile that made me melt, and kiss the lips that made me burn, and not have it be perfect? He deserved it to be perfect. Not rushed. Not shoved on him in the middle of a stressful day.

His proposal had been perfect, after all. Had he stressed about it, waited for the right moment? I'm sure he had, just a little bit. He'd proposed to me on the very same dock I was sitting on. I swirled my feet in the water, watching as dolphins leaped and spun far out in the bay.

I'd wait for the right moment. I'd make it as perfect as I could. And I'd smile, and I wouldn't stress. That's what I told myself, anyway, as I stood up and walked back down the dock to the sand, and back through the waterfalls to the village.

* * *

The ocean spray carried on the wind, hitting my face and sending shivers down my spine. The waters were violent, I noted. The waves slapped into the side of the cliff without pretense, sending shudders through the ground I stood on.

The rocks in the cove didn't tower over the surface, today. They were only small outcroppings due to the high tide and rough seas. Any gull would find them a wonderful perch. Like Djose. I just hoped when my gull was upset, she wouldn't leave her perch to find another one, a better one. To avoid being crushed by crashing waves.

I breathed in the salty ocean air, the brine and scent of seaweed, and I pushed my hands deeper into my pockets, bracing myself as another wave tore through the cove and crashed into the cliff.

Rikku had been gone for nearly three days. I hadn't been to Adena's, after our fight. I didn't want to go. But I knew I needed to, because she was right. This was my responsibility, too. And I had to accept it. And I had to tell Rikku.

I'd thought that I'd been keeping the truth from her for her own happiness. For her own well being. I was, in a way, but mostly… the quiet was for me. I was afraid of what would happen when she found out. I was afraid that she wouldn't love me anymore. That she would leave again. I don't do well alone, and I'd come to know the feelings of aloneness better than any other. And I didn't want it again, so I was keeping my mouth shut, to postpone the inevitable truth from spilling.

Sure, Rikku had hidden Telan from me. But now I was doing the same. I knew how much it hurt to be lied to. I didn't want to hurt her. I was going to tell her, when she came home.

But how? There was no right time to tell her, no special moment, because this baby wouldn't be ours. It would be mine and Adena's. I hoped, deep down, that both myself and Rikku could accept this child and its mother into our large extended family. I just wasn't sure if my hopes would work out according to plan, as my life never seemed to do.

I remembered the night when she'd come home from Bevelle, when she'd sat with Telan on the couch in my office and looked up at me. Told me that she'd slept with Baralai. I was devastated. I remember the night she walked in to the sight of Adena straddling me on the couch, wrapped around me, when she'd caught my eyes. She was devastated. And I remember early on in our relationship, when we'd told one another everything, when we'd only spoken truths, truths that couldn't scald and burn like water from a pot. And we'd been happy.

I was going to tell her. I was going to come out and say it, when she returned. Not in the middle of a stressful day, not in passing. But I was going to find a moment. And I was going to tell her.

* * *

I curled up on the couch with Telan, offering her a bottle as she sleepily reached up to play with my hair. She pulled on it lightly as her eyes drooped, eating her dinner slowly and distractedly. The day with hyper Vidina had tired her out, and she would sleep well.

Paine had finally arrived from Kilika to visit with me and the baby. I was happy to see her. Both of us had a lot of catching up to do.

"How's Gippal?" she asked, leaning against the couch arm. Her hair was a little longer now, and she brushed her bangs from her eyes continually.

"Stressed. But good, I guess."

"You guess?"

"Yeah. I don't know." Distractedly, I smoothed Telan's hair, trying not to think about how much more stressed he'd be when I told him that I was-

"You're avoiding the question, Rikku." Paine's cool scarlet eyes met mine, and I shrugged with a sheepish smile.

"I do that sometimes."

"You do it a lot. But I'll move on." Her voice had a touch of amusement in it, and I bounced Telan softly, to keep her from drifting off before she finished her bottle. "How is Telan?"

"Healthy, happy, and getting heavier every day."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Yes. But not for my arms." I laughed as I shook the little one again, knowing it was futile when she was exhausted.

"Okay…" She moved on to the next question. "How are _you_?"

That one was a bit tougher to answer. "I'm okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah. Okay."

"I don't like okay. Okay doesn't mean anything. Especially with you."

"Yeah, it does. Okay means okay. That's what it means."

Paine rolled her eyes and smacked my head lightly. I grinned sheepishly again. "Rikku. How are you?"

"I'm doing well, I think, but I'm stressed out like Gippal. But not because of work even though there _is_ a lot to do. Because of thinking about the wedding and because of Telan and because of other things…"

"What other things?"

I hadn't told Yuna my suspicions. When she'd asked me why I'd taken so long at the doctor's office in Luca, I told her that the doctor had other patients to get to. And as much as I wanted to tell Gippal first this time, I also needed some support. Someone to think I wasn't crazy.

"Like… like another baby."

Her eyes narrowed for a moment. "There's another baby? Where, with some other wo-" and then her eyes got wide. "What! You're… again? So soon? Are you playing with me? Don't play with me, Rikku. You know I'll hit you."

"Yes, again. So soon. I'm not playing with you. So don't hit me."

"Are you insane?"

"…yeah, probably."

"Was this planned?"

"No."

"Does Gippal know?"

"Not yet. I'm not quite sure how to tell him. I'm a little scared to tell him, actually." I looked away uncertainly, not wanting to meet her gaze. "What if-"

Her hand connected with my head once again. "Don't you dare do that again."

"Do what?"

"The 'what if's'. I hate that. He's going to be fine. He's going to be more than fine. Just like he would have been more than fine about Telan. But no, you ran. And here you are again, telling me, here, in Besaid, before you tell him. Running. I'm not letting you do it again."

"I'm not running, I'm just-"

"Postponing the inevitable. Like you always do. I'm happy for you, though I'm also a little nervous that you're doing too much too soon. I'm sure everyone else will be happy, too. But you need to go home. And you need to tell your fiancé that you're having another baby, and you need to see his happy smile, and you need to stop running from everything."

She was right. And I knew that she was right. So, instead of fighting her, I simply nodded.

* * *

_Happy 4th of July, all you Americans! Sorry this took forever! Thanks **FairyIce**!_

_Read and Review!_


	7. A Desert Road To Nowhere

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 7: A Desert Road To Nowhere**_

* * *

_He sees the ground before him. Wanders down the path, looks at the flowers. Waits for something, but he doesn't know what. _

_Sees her in the distance, hair blowing in the wind, and he reaches. His eyes alive and longing, his hands open to the air. _

_She opens up her arms, now. Sways within the breeze. And he reaches, and she waits, and the wind whips 'round her hair, and he's amazed. _

_He struggles just to reach her, and when he does, she's gone. With the flowers, with the open arms; she's gone along alone. _

_And now the path stretches before him, burning like the sun. A desert road to nowhere… and its only just begun._

* * *

I woke up when I heard a noise coming from the living room. I glanced around the room- still empty. Rubbing my eyes, I let my feet hit the carpet and I shuffled down the hall toward the faint light in the entryway.

Rikku was setting her bags down on the floor, a deep-sleeping Telan on her shoulder. I yawned loudly, watching her as she met my eyes. "You could've been a little bit quieter, y'know, the sane person in this house is trying to sleep."

She grinned widely and shook her head. "It's great to see you, too, Gippal."

"I was startin' to think you weren't coming back," I teased lightly, which, given our history, probably wasn't the best idea. She frowned as she adjusted Telan on her shoulder, walking towards me. "I… yeah. I didn't mean it that way."

"I know… no big deal." She edged past me, down the hall a short way into Telan's room. I went back to our bedroom and waited. I wanted to see the baby after being away from her for a week, of course, but I didn't want to risk waking her up. She looked tired. And tired Telan was grumpy Telan.

Rikku made her way inside not two minutes later, setting the baby monitor on the nightstand before turning toward me. I'd been lonely without her, and I reached for her hand, holding it tightly as I pulled her in for a soft kiss. "I missed you, Rikki…"

"I missed you, too." She hugged me, and I kissed her hair as she nuzzled my shoulder. "Sorry we got in so late… there was a storm over Kilika that Brother had to go around, and then we almost ran out of fuel right after we passed Luca, so we had to go back…"

"It's okay." With a sigh, I sat back on the bed while she grabbed one of my T-shirts from a pile of clean clothes that I had yet to put away in the corner. "How's everyone in Besaid?"

"Pretty good, actually. Vidina talks more, now. He's a terror, of course, walked into my room at Tidus' place and tore everything apart within twenty minutes of me getting there… I taught him well." She laughed as she tossed her clothing on the ground, not caring about where it went, and climbed into bed. "Wakka is training _again_. Lu's good. Yuna said to tell you hi. I don't know about Ti, he stayed in Bevelle, and Paine… Paine's Paine."

"That's a good way of putting it."

"Yep."

"And how are you?"

She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder, hesitating for a few seconds while she made herself comfortable. "I'm just fine. And comfy, too. Did you get fat while I was gone? Your shoulder seems cushier."

"Cushier? Thanks, thanks so much."

"I love you!" I grinned at her cute whining voice and decided to forgive her for the whole fat question.

"Yeah, yeah, I love you, too."

She looked up at me and nudged my foot with her own, and I shook my head with a smile. "How are _you_, mister?"

"Better now that you're back."

"Stressed about work?"

"A little."

She sighed and fluffed her pillow, curling up in my arms. "Well, let me know when you're not stressed, okay? 'Cause you've been stressed for a long time, and it's starting to get me really worried."

I ran my fingers through her hair and got comfortable. "I'm sorry, Rikku…"

"It's okay! But cheer up, boy. Cheer up."

"Yes, missy. I'll do my best." And I felt a little guilty for not telling her why I was really stressed right then and there. But I told myself that she'd just gotten home… and I really had missed her. I'd been really lonely without her and Telan in the house for a week. And I didn't want her to leave again… so I'd wait for a little longer. Just a little.

* * *

I walked into Gippal's office during my break, standing in the doorway for a few minutes to watch him work before alerting him to my presence. I wanted to tell him then, because at the moment, I was feeling courageous, but walking into his office in the middle of the day… it was just too similar to how I'd tried to tell him about Telan. And if I made it similar, then I might chicken out and put it off again. And if he didn't get it soon enough, then I might run again, because my nerves were starting to get the better of me.

And I didn't want to do that.

"Hey," I said, taking a seat on the couch. "Is she sleeping?"

He glanced up at me before looking over his shoulder at the playpen behind the desk. "Yeah. I forgot she was even in here, she's been so quiet." He set his pen down on top of a file folder and came to join me on the couch. "On break?"

"Yep. We need to send to Nhadala for more bolts and stuff. We're running low."

He sighed and rubbed his temple. "Leave a note on my desk; I'll call her before I come home tonight…"

"I'll take care of it, don't stress." I shrugged. "I'll even help you get all your stuff done."

He grinned and shook his head. "No, you have enough work of your own to take care of, Riks."

I smiled secretly to myself and shrugged. "But that doesn't mean I can't help with yours. Especially since you need to have a clean desk after work tomorrow. No leaving it to rot for the next morning."

"Why do I need a clean desk?" he asked, sounding distracted. Normally, he would have tried to throw in a dirty joke. I was getting used to his lack of well-timed wittiness, but I didn't like it.

"Because I want to go to dinner." I grinned and poked him in the shoulder.

He sighed heavily and pulled me toward him, holding my hands down by my sides to restrain my poking before it began. I pouted slightly, but he ignored it. "There's no good place for dinner around here…"

"Yes there is! Where you took me the first time we went out without Telan!" I was quiet for a moment. "The only time we went out without Telan, actually."

"Why don't we wait and go somewhere nice in Luca or…?"

I broke out of his hold and poked his side. "Because _I_ want to go out and pretend like we're still actively dating and not just engaged and acting like we've already been married for twenty-eight years!" I poked his leg. "It's always work, eat, sleep, play with the baby, work, eat, sleep, change the baby's diaper…" With a sigh, I cocked my head to the side. "I think it's time we go have a little fun, don't you?"

"Playin' with the baby _is_ fun." He didn't look so convinced, though. He looked more guilty than anything.

"Yeah. But I miss when we used to just go somewhere and talk and go somewhere else and have fun and then go home and…" I blushed slightly. "Y'know?"

He reached over and twirled the ends of my hair between his fingertips. "Yeah, I know."

"So let's go. One night, no responsibility, no worries. No _stress_." I set my head on his shoulder. Kissed his neck lightly. "Karaa told me she'd take Telan, already."

I felt him sigh before he kissed my hair and nodded. "Okay. No stress. No worries."

"It's a date?"

"Yeah."

"Good." Maybe this date would help me to find a way to tell him. Maybe my lack of responsibility for one night could give me the courage to just say it, no matter what the reaction.

* * *

_He walks the path, away from where he stood. Tries to find her, tries to see. The way is clouded, needs some clearing. Dust is circling 'round the bend._

_Nothing on the road but sand, grains of moments left behind. Wasted, untouched and lost. _

_He tries calling, but no one answers. No one's near him, no one hears. A desert road to nowhere. Nothing there, just remnants. Not a place to hide._

* * *

I watched her as she sat on the couch, Telan sleeping on her shoulder as she looked through some files, and I could see just why I loved her. The fun personality that was more mature than more knew. The warm glow that sparkled about her, the shining eyes. Her gentle handling of our infant. Her concentration and determination.

When she smiled at me, I felt warm inside. It was the only warmth I felt these days. I was numb, else-wise. Numb with guilt and disbelief.

I wanted to tell her. Every moment I didn't was making me even guiltier, even colder. But I couldn't say anything. And I was sick of it. With a sigh, I tossed my pen at the wall and watched it bounce on the stone floor of the office. Rikku looked up at me with a confused expression on her face.

"…you don't have a dart board in here, Gip. And that thing isn't really sharp."

"I know, I know. I'm just frustrated."

"I'll get you a dartboard, if you want. Who's face do you want on it? Dad's? Mine?"

_Mine_. "Not yours. Never yours. And not Cid's, either." I made a face and looked over at her. "I just realized I'll need to start calling him Dad, soon." She laughed and I smirked.

"I can't wait to see his face when you do." She patted Telan's back as the little one readjusted herself in Rikku's arms. "So… why are you frustrated?" she asked, closing the files and setting them to the side.

"There's… I don't know." How could I talk to her about this and not tell her! "Ever feel like you're just… stuck?"

Her face fell a bit. "I have, yes."

"I feel stuck."

"Stuck. Do you… do you not want to get married anymore or something?" Her voice was quiet, and I jumped out of my chair to sit next to her. Her clear eyes held fear, something I hadn't seen there in a very long time.

"No. Nono_no_, that's not what I meant."

"Are you sure?"

I suddenly hated myself even more for letting her think that was my problem. "I'm sure. That's not what I was trying to say. I love you, of course I still want to marry you. I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't mean it!"

She nodded and uncertainly smoothed Telan's hair down. "Then what do you mean?"

"I… remember how you told me that time was moving too fast? On Besaid? Before I asked you?" She nodded. "I feel like that, but time's moving too slow, and I just feel stuck. And I can't change anything you know, I can't make it move quicker…"

"What do you want to change, Gippal?" she asked, confusion in her eyes.

I just shook my head, dispiritedly. Because now was not the time. Now was not the time to say it.

* * *

_They're hopeless, aren't they? Anyway, I'm so sorry this is taking me forever. I planned it out too much and now that's having bad effects on the creative process. Hopefully once the next chapter comes out things will pick up and I'll be back on track. Don't you wish this was like **Lie in the Sound** with an update every day? I do. LOL. Please Review! Thanks **FairyIce**!_

_-Jezzi_


	8. X Amount of Words

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 8: X Amount of Words**_

* * *

I stared at myself in the mirror, reapplying the lip gloss that had rubbed off while eating my appetizer salad. I knew my appearance rarely mattered to him, but it made me feel better. More grown, more womanly. Even after Telan, after the proposal, even after the news of a new baby on the way, I felt more girl than woman. Young, not yet seasoned. I liked feeling that way… but to have courage, I needed to feel womanly. Y'know, like a woman. Less girl. More prowess. And I definitely needed more prowess if I was going to be able to tell him I was pregnant over dinner, like it was a casual conversation.

With a sigh, I leaned against the sink, my forehead against the mirror. Why was I dreading telling him? It just didn't make sense. When I'd slept with Baralai, I'd dreaded telling him, too. But that was different. That was incriminating and scary and not something you want to tell the stressed out father of your newborn. But justified, in my defense.

I glared at myself and pushed myself away from the sink, straightening my skirt, rubbing at the red blotch on my forehead from where I'd been leaning against the glass. I was stronger than this. I was not afraid of words and of reactions! I was Rikku, damnit, and I was going to tell him.

He was waiting right where I'd left him when I came back, poking at his steak.

"Why aren't you eating?" I asked, sitting in front of my own plate. "Your cow will get cold."

"That's wrong," he said, smirking.

"Well, it will!"

"Yeah, yeah. I was waiting for you. What kind of gentleman would I be if I ate my cow before my lady comes back to eat her oceanic creatures that used to have little feelers?" I glared at him.

"That was unnecessary, you ass."

"I couldn't resist. Anyway, I waited. Eat the shrimp, Riks. I'm sure it's good." I reached for one as I sat down and popped it in my mouth. "Even if it _did_ have feelers." And I glared again.

"Your cow once slept in manure, I'm sure."

"Tasty," he grinned.

Somehow, I didn't think that it was the right time to tell him about the baby. He might make a horrible comparison between shrimp and a fetus as some kind of joke, and I didn't want that to happen. So I just ate and grinned back. I was strong, sure I was. Not afraid of words or reactions. Not at all.

* * *

She was a little quieter than usual as we walked along the pier. I didn't want to be on the pier at all, in case Adena showed her face, but Rikku wanted to. And I couldn't say no to those eyes.

Carnival night was something neither of us had gone to in a long time. I won a teddy bear for her once. I wasn't good enough to get the shoopuf, or the chocobo that she really wanted. And I felt I owed her that.

After about 5 gil and a lot of frustrated dart throwing, she smiled that sweet smile when I handed her the chocobo doll. "You're better with those darts now," she laughed, holding the little doll close. In all actuality, it looked just like the stuffed animal I'd bought for Telan's room when I'd first put it together. The quality wasn't as good, but I suppose that the thought made up for it.

"Well, a guy can try, yeah?"

"You haven't been practicing, have you?"

"Would that make it better?"

She rolled her eyes and kissed me on the cheek. "I love it anyway," she said with a grin, looking off down the row of games.

I saw a young man holding up a little teddy bear for his date at a booth across the way. She had that girly look on her face. The one every guy can read that tells you it wasn't what she wanted, but she'd take it anyway because the gesture was sweet. And I knew that someday he'd win her what she really wanted, like I'd just done for Rikku. Like hundreds of other guys had probably done for their girls. For his sake, I hoped that he'd do it just because. Not because it made him feel like he was repaying part of the debt he'd stacked up. Not because he's gotten someone else pregnant and was trying to rack up the brownie points before telling her the news.

I pulled Rikku toward me and the little doll was squished between us when I kissed her. Just because. Just because the lights were right, just because the other guy needed some kind of romantic cue, just because she looked so perfect. And when she pulled away, I kissed her again, just because.

His kisses made me forget my worries; they also made me go through the night in silence. I think I tried to choke my chocobo doll too many times to be considered humane as I vented my pent up frustration. Every time I tried to get myself riled up to tell him and get it over with, he'd kiss me again. It was like he had some kind of sixth sense that warned him when I was about to say something important. And no matter how much you want to punch them for that… you don't _really_ want to, y'know?

* * *

The ice cream parlor was filled with people our age, people who were smiling and laughing. Being merry. All that good stuff. People who were out on first dates. Not people like us, engaged and successful with one six-month old baby girl and another on the way. Just people our age, living relatively stress-free, calm lives.

We had little in common with other people our age. In a way, that made me sad. In another way, it added to that prowess I needed.

He ordered the usual banana split and met me at our old table in the back. We ate it as we listened to the casual talk around us, and when he spaced out for too long, I'd kick his foot. When I did the same, he flicked ice cream at me with the plastic spoon.

I spoon-fed him some banana, groaning as he struggled to get his lips around it. "You look like Telan when you do that."

"You mean she looks like me when she does that?"

"Same difference."

"No, no, the first one makes me seem like I'm a baby. The second one makes me proud."

"You are a baby!"

He pouted and flung more ice cream in my general direction. His pouting made the situation a little less awkward, in my opinion. Other guys were pouting at statements their girlfriends were making. It made me feel like we fit in the age category a little better. But it also made me nervous. Would he pout when I told him?

* * *

While she showered, I simply sat back in bed, my damp hair drying in the cool evening air. The rain was pounding outside, as usual. My uncaring side told me that it would be the opportune time to tell her the truth. Evening high to evening low. But my caring side told me that if I waited until she came out of the bathroom, clad only in a towel with a smile on her face, and simply said "Hey, Adena's pregnant, is that okay with you?" the results wouldn't be amazing.

It seemed like math to me. There were _x_ amount of words that I could use to say it. But which one would be the best choice? Which one would give the right answer? Which one would make everything go smoothly? And how was I supposed to pull that number out of my ass?

I hadn't even spoken to Adena since our fight. I didn't want to. But I had that responsibility. Not knowing where she was made me nervous, because that gave her the potential to pop up in the hallway… to be anywhere, really.

I was starting to develop some kind of nervous disorder. And that wasn't good. Especially since Rikku had noticed it on various occasions and I still hadn't found a way to solve the problem.

I pushed myself off the bed and wandered into Telan's room, watching her as she slept. She was growing quick, and she slept a lot more often. Maybe it just seemed that way, because babies weren't supposed to sleep more often as they grew. Maybe it was because I tried to stay at work for longer hours. Because I'd been with Adena more than I should have before Rikku and Telan had gone to Luca and Besaid.

I gently ran a hand over her tiny fingers, like I used to when she was new and bruised, a little smaller, and a little scarier. She grabbed hold of my index finger, just like always, and she gripped it tightly. And that's when I decided I would tell Rikku tomorrow. I wouldn't ruin a perfect night. But I wouldn't pretend things were perfect when they weren't even close anymore. I'd already taken Telan into the den of the enemy, as much as I hated to think of the situation in those terms. I couldn't keep pretending this wasn't going to affect my family.

* * *

I woke up in the middle of the night when a particularly loud gust of wind slammed against the side of the house. Absently, I listened for Telan, in case the loud gust had scared her. It was one of those times when I was glad she wasn't the lightest sleeper. I looked over at Gippal, who was sleeping with his back turned to me. It wasn't a rare thing, not to feel his arms around me at night, but it was happening more often lately.

My prowess felt big enough, for the moment, and so I didn't question it. The time had come to tell him. Even if he complained about being woken up, I didn't care. I needed to say it.

Lightly, I ran my hand along his arm, scooting closer behind him to hug his body. "Gippal," I said softly, shaking his arm lightly. "Hey, buddy, wake up…" He just took another deep breath. "Gippal… come on, open your eyes…"

When he finally woke up, he looked startled. I held his hand as he looked over his shoulder at me. "You okay? Somethin' wrong?" he asked groggily, pushing himself halfway up.

"No, it's fine, I just… can I talk to you for a minute?"

He looked pale as he turned to me. "Yeah… it's early, but yeah…"

I quietly traced shapes on his arm as I made my word choices. He patiently waited, his eyes closed. I hoped he wasn't drifting back to sleep.

"I've been wanting to talk to you for a few days. I just didn't know how to bring it up."

He frowned. I continued.

"I'm just going to say it. I hope you're okay with it."

"Okay with what?"

"Look at me…" I said softly, waiting for his eyes to open as I ran my thumb over his cheek. All I saw in them was confusion and vulnerability. "We're going to… well, we're having another baby."

His confusion got worse as he stiffened. "Rikku, I… what?"

"I'm pregnant. Again." I tried to smile, but my lips were shaky.

He closed his eyes as I gently touched his cheek, quiet for a few moments. My nerves got even worse as a gust of wind picked up outside.

"Say something?" I prompted, desperate for a response.

He opened his eyes and the confusion was gone, replaced with something else, something unreadable. He smiled, a sincere smile, before he pulled me in for a kiss. I relaxed slightly before he pulled away, rubbing my arm lightly as he whispered in my ear. "That's… that's great, Rikki! Soon. But great."

I relaxed further, pushing my face into his neck. "I was hoping you'd say that…"

He was silent for a few minutes as we just lay together, listening to the rain. "Why wouldn't I say that?"

"Because you've been so stressed… I didn't want to make it worse." He hugged me tightly.

"_You_ never make it worse, Cid's girl… never." He grinned against my forehead, slightly. "Who else knows?"

"Just Paine and the doctor." I looked up at him and he laughed.

"This is crazy."

I giggled back. "I know."

* * *

I understood her distraction now. Better than she would think.

Shock. That's all I could use to describe my reaction. Oh, I was happy, of course. How couldn't I be? My fiancée and I were going to have another baby, and there was nothing wrong with it. It was welcome. I would get to see it happen, this time, because she'd found the courage to tell me. Because she was strong.

Stronger than I was.

And how could I ruin that? How could I just tell her about Adena and the other baby? My other baby?

I couldn't. As I stared at her, dozing lightly in my arms, a smile on her perfect lips, I just couldn't do it. My resolve to tell her the next day was broken. As horrible as it sounded… there was too much at stake, now. I couldn't tell her that easily. I couldn't override the joy of our new child with the truth about the other one. That would be even crueler than telling her the truth.

I ran my fingers over her abdomen, lightly so as not to wake her. I had that overwhelming sense of my life being out of my hands, again. The baby inside her would grow as surely as the baby inside Adena was, as surely as the sun would shine, clouds or no clouds. The truth would come out, sooner or later. The wheels of life would turn, the consequences would make themselves known… and there was nothing I could do about it.

So I just ran my fingers lovingly over her skin, just because.

* * *

_Okay, what can I say? I'm guilty of laziness, distraction, etc. I've also been out of town a lot for the upcoming scariness of college, so don't hit me, please! And I have a job now. Which I don't like so much. So I'm going to try to get more of this fic done. I promise. I won't forget about it or you amazing readers. Thank you _**FairyIce**_ for bugging me to get this done and for correcting it and giving advice. You are A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. _

_-Jezzi_


	9. A Lying in Your Silence

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter Nine: A Lying In Your Silence**_

* * *

Two weeks and no word. No calls, no contact. No new babies. No betrayal, no arguments… just blissful quiet.

Rikku was still worried. Uncertain of my reaction to our news. I tried to reassure her in a subtle manner, kissing her sweetly whenever I could, letting my hand linger on her waist. She never commented when she saw me talking to Telan about her little baby brother or sister, but the shade of rose pink on her cheeks told me she appreciated it. That it made her feel better, made her believe I was really okay with this new pregnancy.

I wanted to tell her how much stronger she was now. How thankful I was that she didn't run. Because now I could understand running. Why she was so scared to tell me about Telan. And I was happy that she was stronger than me. It gave me room to grow. Room to become a person I was proud to be, and not a coward who run's from the truth.

And so we had two weeks and no word. No calls, no contact. No new babies. No betrayal, no arguments… just blissful quiet. My life felt like it was almost back to normal.

And then she broke the silence.

* * *

"Gippal, you've got a call on line six."

"Who is it? Can you take a message?"

"That girl down at the outpost? Y'know, the one who used to work here? I… hm… I can't remember the name. But, yeah, no. Says she needs to speak with you right away. I already tried the whole message thing."

"…"

"Spira to Gippal?"

"Just… just connect the line, Karaa."

"Yep-yep, here ya go!"

"…Adena."

"Gippal."

"…"

"Since you're obviously not going to say anything-"

"…"

"-I guess I'll just tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"I have to go to Bevelle tomorrow."

"For what?"

"A doctor's appointment."

"Just make sure no one sees you in town."

"I'm done hiding, if you hadn't already noticed. And I'm not asking for permission."

"Then why are you bothering to speak to me about it?"

"Because it's about time you took some interest in your kid. So you're coming with me."

"No. No, I'm really not."

"I'd rather not waste any time by spending it with you. But I don't really have that option."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't. Either bring a hover or meet me at the ferry at dawn."

"I can't."

"Why not? Give me a good reason."

"I… I just… I can't leave Rikku alone."

"She's a big girl. She can take care of herself."

"I wouldn't feel right, leaving. I don- stop laughing. That isn't funny."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't. Stop it."

"You wouldn't feel right by leaving her alone for one day, but you can ignore me for two weeks and not have a guilty conscience? That's very funny, Gippal. Very funny."

"…"

"Look, do you want proof that the baby is yours? Is that what you need to accept it? To see it on paper?"

"…"

"I'll see you at dawn."

* * *

She was wearing bright red, standing next to the ferry building. I wished she had more tact. Her eyes were on the shoopufs as they crossed the river, carrying the typical post-Calm tourists across to the second leg of their 'pilgrimage'.

"You couldn't have worn something a little less bright?" I asked moodily, standing a few feet away from her.

Her eyes glanced at my face before returning to the shoopufs. "I told you. I'm done hiding."

"She still doesn't know." I followed her gaze.

"And that's not my problem." She pushed her hair behind her ear. "You tell her when you tell her, but I'm not locking myself up to help you. I've given you plenty of time."

"I _can't_ tell her!" I snapped, running a frustrated hand through my hair.

"Why not?" she asked, her calm tone making her seem much more pleasant.

"I…" and I stopped, because I suddenly cared about her feelings. Not much, but enough to know that I had to handle the subject with care.

"What? Say it."

"…"

"Fine, don't. I don't care." She took a few steps toward the ferry, which was just beginning to load passengers. "We should go."

I followed her to the gate, staying quiet. Trying to think of a right way to tell her about Rikku. A not-so-harsh way.

"I got our tickets," she said as she handed them to the attendant.

"I would have bought them," I mumbled, trying to keep my face out of sight by staring out over the railing.

"You did, I tagged them onto the Faction account." Her grin was devilish. I snorted, but I couldn't keep a similar grin off my own face.

"I should've expected that."

"Yep. You should have."

We were reticent as the ferry got underway, picking up speed as it moved down the west branch of the Moonflow.

"How long until we get to Bevelle?" I asked gingerly, watching as the wind whipped her hair around her face. She looked carefree, for the moment. Out of place was the slope of her abdomen.

"No longer than two hours, if coastal waters aren't rough. That's what the lady at the ticket booth said, anyway."

I nodded and watched the scenery change, the light vegetation of the port area turning to dense forest against a cliff of pure red. Adena stood beside me, occasionally rubbing her hands together to warm them against the chill of the morning wind.

If she were Rikku, I would've taken her hands in mine to warm them. Since she wasn't, I walked inside the deck bar and came back with a large mug of hot chocolate.

As I handed it over, she smiled, a truly grateful smile. And suddenly, she didn't seem as bad as before. Not a menacing challenge. Just a girl who'd made a mistake and was surviving with it.

"You looked cold," I mumbled, returning to my leaning stance on the rail.

"That was… thoughtful and unexpected."

"Yeah, I do that sometimes."

"Thanks."

"…anytime."

* * *

Since I'd chosen to accompany her, I made things much more obvious. For example, I'd only been thinking about right and wrong when I'd decided to meet her at the ferry. I didn't think about the consequences of the now Bevelle anchored Yuna and Tidus if they saw me with an obviously pregnant woman, alone in an out-of-the-way city.

I kept us away from the new blitz stadium. I made sure that we avoided walking past too many hotels. I avoided highly concentrated public areas and kept my head down.

"Why did you choose Bevelle?" I asked, curious. Luca was still the hub of the world in Spira. Bevelle was still the center of Yevon, just as it had always been. Not a haven for Al Bhed of any sort. Especially pregnant ones.

"Rikku had Telan in Luca, didn't she? I figured the doctors would recognize you if I took you there. I didn't want this to be worse for you than it had to be." She pointed at a large building, not far from the new and highly protested airship dock. "The hospital is right there. It took me hours to find it, last time I came."

Her answer shocked me. Why should she care about my potential societal embarrassment? I didn't really care if she had problems. In my head, she _was_ the problem (most of the time, at least). But she took mine into consideration? Why?

I shook my head, attempting to keep my curiosity and confusion in the back of my mind. I couldn't let myself worry too much about her reasoning. I was taking things one step at a time, and for that moment, just the fact that she'd considered my well-being in all of this was enough.

* * *

I hated my urge to follow her into the examination room. My curiosity as the doctor hooked her to monitors and machines that I knew the mechanics of- the mechanics. Not the purpose. Different machines than I'd seen in the delivery room in Luca. I hated it when I said yes to the question "Would you like to hear the heartbeat".

Because I should have been waiting to go through this with Rikku. Waiting to listen to the heartbeat of the child I knew was mine.

I hated the guilt I felt when I heard that little beating heart, thumping at speeds much faster than Adena's own distant beat, faster even than my own as the blood rushed through my body. I didn't hate the guilt as much as I hated the fact that I deserved it, though. How could I hate this child, how could I ignore its existence and my connection to it? It hadn't done anything wrong. It wasn't wrong for a child to exist, no matter how wrong the conditions of its coming-into-existence were.

But most of all I hated my hope. My hope that I could hold my daughter in my lap one day and have her understand that her two little brothers or sisters were equal, even if one wasn't always around. That they may have different mothers, but that didn't make either any less special. My hope that I could rock two infants to sleep the same way I had when Telan was new. My hope that everything would be okay, that we'd find a way to work this situation out for the sake of the family.

I hated my hope because it was selfish on the behalf of Adena, on the behalf of Rikku. Because it was selfish on the behalf of my children.

Selfish to want everything and have nothing to give in return.

* * *

Adena had been right. All it had taken for me to accept the baby as mine had been a little interest. The heartbeat, the strange visual machine, the kick I'd felt through her skin. I hadn't needed to see the paternity test results after that, but the confirmation was nice. Final. A deciding factor.

She was quiet as we retreated from the hospital. We stopped at a small café, and though I had some trouble figuring out how, I asked the questions.

"What names have you found?"

She picked at her salad, but I kept my eyes on her. I was finally asking, finally interested. Was she going to pick now to not answer?

"I stopped looking a while ago."

I was confused. "Why?"

"I… I was tired of looking."

She kept her eyes down until I reached across the table and pulled her chin up. "I'll help. I promise."

She tried to avert her hands again. "…I can't find anything I like."

"I'll look."

"It would be easier if we knew what is was, you know?"

"But they can't do that yet. The technology is still pretty behind. You know, in terms of where it should be."

She smiled, a sad look in her eyes.

"Why didn't you want to leave Rikku today?" she asked, in a sudden subject change.

I stared at the wall distractedly. What was I supposed to say? How would she take it? Worse than Rikku? Better? But how could it be worse or better if I hadn't even told Rikku yet?

"Well?" she prodded again, setting her fork down.

"You're not going to like this."

"I don't care, I want to know."

"Why?"

"Because. I just do. Isn't that enough?"

It was. She would take it how she took it, I knew. That sense of the world being out of my hands came back in a sudden wave. "Yeah…"

I was quiet again, and she waited patiently.

And finally I forced myself to say it. "She's pregnant, too. She just told me. Right after our fight. That's why she went to Luca, to make sure…"

She stared at me for a moment, and I hoped the excitement didn't show in my eyes.

"I'm sorry." Her apology startled me, and in an uncharacteristic move, I reached across the table for her hand.

"Why are _you_ sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for. I've been an ass, I… don't apologize. Don't apologize for anything. You hear me?"

"I'm sorry because I don't know how much I want this. Rikku knows she wants this. I don't… how can I compare with that?"

I didn't understand why she was upset. At all. "You don't have to compare with that, you're two different people."

"But how am I supposed to take care of a baby I'm not sure I even want when I see Rikku taking care of your two and not feel guilty? How can I do that, Gippal?"

And I paled at those words, because now I understood. And now things would be a bit more complicated.

I was set, finally. I'd told Adena about Rikku, and now I had to tell Rikku about Adena. I needed to start working on fixing things before the problem even set in. Before it got worse.

* * *

As we made our way back to the ferry, I carefully planned our route through the city. I kept us away from the new blitz stadium. I made sure that we avoided walking past too many hotels. I avoided highly concentrated public areas and kept my head down. But I didn't think about the eyes that might see us when we passed by the main temple gates. I didn't think about anything other than keeping Adena calm and telling Rikku everything. Her long hair was blowing freely in the wind, and it reminded me of Rikku. A strange triangle. A strange, disconnected triangle that needed to be pulled together… that's what we were. And I needed to do it.

But someone else would start that process for me, because of my bad choices in route planning. Because he'd seen us walking by.

* * *

_Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. I lost a lot of you with my long wait... I'm sorry. I hope you come back and take the time to leave a review. I feel bad for making you all wait so long. Thanks to everyone who left a review, I'm trying to get back to you as quickly as I used to. I hope you like this one... action will make me update quicker, I hope._

_-Jezzi_


	10. Lamentation

_**Journey's End  
**_**_Chapter 10: Lamentation_**

* * *

"Baralai? Long time, no talk!" I smiled.

"Yeah… yeah, it's been too long."

"Well… what's the occasion? You nev- hold on, Telan just dropped her teething ring thingy. Okay, what's up?"

"I just wanted to ask you some things." He looked nervous.

"…okay? Shoot!"

"Do you remember when you came to visit?"

"Yes. I… heheh… wow, awkward."

"I know. Nothing… nothing came of that, did it?"

"What do you mean?" Confusion.

"You're… you're not pregnant again, are you?"

"I am, actually." A blush. "But it's Gippal's. Don't worry. I would've told you. Hell would've broken loose by now, I'm pretty sure…"

"I figured it would have, if it were mine." Relief.

"Yep-yep, but don't sweat it. It happened, it's over with, and everything's fi- wait. What brought this up?" Curiosity.

"Nothing, really, I just… I thought I saw Gippal with you today, in Bevelle. And the person I thought was you was obviously pregnant, but I didn't know why you'd be in Bevelle, since you had Telan in Luca, and all, and… I'm blabbering. I apologize."

"…"

"What?"

"…"

"What's wrong, Rikku?"

"Nothing. I just… are you sure it was Gippal?" My voice was shaking.

"It looked like him, but I can't say for sure that it was. Why? Isn't he home?"

"…no. He was in Bevelle today… working on the airship dock." Uncertainty.

"The airship dock has been finished and operational for three weeks."

"…"

"Rikku?" Worry.

"…" Suspicion.

"Rikku, I don't know if it was him. I was far away, it could have been any Al Bhed man. Don't doubt him that quickly."

"He's been acting weird." Connections in my head.

"It's the stressful season at the Faction, even I know that." Excuses.

"…she was blond? Like me?"

"Yes, but it could be anyone, Rikku…" Desperation.

"…I'll call you back." Anger.

* * *

The house was dark when he opened the door, as it should be, so late at night. He'd been gone all day. He looked too well rested in the faint light to have been working all day.

Maybe it was just my suspicions getting to me.

He closed the door quietly. Hung his coat up in the hall closet and shut the kitchen door as he passed it. He started when I cleared my throat from where I sat in the dark living room on the dark couch.

"Riks? What are you still doing up? It's late." He sounded nervous, like Baralai had on the phone.

"Waiting on you."

"You don't have to do that, Rikku, you can sleep."

I just blinked at him. "No, I can't."

"…are you okay? Is something wrong?" He sounded a bit panicked now. I don't know if he was or not, really, because I was doing my best not to look at his face.

"Why don't _you_ tell _me_ what's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"Baralai called." And I looked at him. "He asked me some weird questions." My eyes were narrow, his face was pale. He reached for the light switch. "Don't! Leave it off."

"Rikku…" He was definitely panicking. A strange sound to hear, from him. The last time I'd heard it, I'd been hooked up to IV's and heart monitors. Such a different situation, now.

"What's going on, Gippal? Why would you be working on the airship dock if it's already finished and the maintenance crews are on full alert to any malfunctions? Why are you always so edgy, hm? Why are you so involved in work lately?"

He was silent.

"You want to know what he asked me, Gippal?"

"…"

"He asked me if I was pregnant. And I told him yes. And I told him it was yours, and he was relieved."

"Why would he ask that?" he said quietly, uncertain.

"Because he saw a blonde, pregnant woman in Bevelle today. With a blond man who looked a lot like _you_." And the angry tears I'd been fighting since Baralai had called began to fall down my cheeks, the weak light making them look like falling liquid crystals on my cheeks. His wide eyes told me all I needed to know.

"Rikku, I've been… I didn't know how to…" I shook my head, looking out the window instead of at him. "Wait, just _listen_ to me, okay?"

"Why should I?"

"Because it's time I told you what's been going on, Rikku."

"Why do you even care to tell me? You've been sneaking around behind my back with some other girl and now she's pregnant, too?"

"I haven't been sneaking around, Rikki…"

"Don't call me that right now. Nicknames aren't going to get you _anywhere_."

I thought I saw a liquid crystal on his cheek, too, but I couldn't be sure in the dark. I looked away, and felt it as he sat next to me, cautiously. He had his face in his hands. He looked defeated. Like I felt.

"The worst part is that you proposed to me. You were messing around with someone else and you _still_ proposed. And I had to hear it from Baralai, of all people." I shook my head as the rest of me shook in anger and upset. For some reason, I didn't feel as angry as I thought I should. I loved him too much even with his unvoiced confirmations of my worst nightmare.

"You shouldn't have had to hear about it from anyone but me. And I've been trying to figure out how to tell you ever since our engagement party, but I didn't want to hurt you like this." His voice was too quiet. "I didn't want to hear you cry over something that never should have happened in the first place."

"What, you propose and then you decide I should know after the fact?" I asked, incredulous.

It was strange, to sit in the darkness and discuss something rationally, with very little anger. Strange to look at his hands and realize they were shaking.

"Do you remember how I had to go inside to talk to someone during the party? How they said it was urgent?"

"Yeah. Why does that matter?"

"Because that's when I found out." He was quiet for a long moment as I leaned my head back against the couch in disbelief. "I wasn't sneaking around, Rikku, I promise. I wouldn't do that to you."

"Sure you wouldn't."

"It's Adena." His voice was quiet. "Adena's pregnant. You saw what happened that night, I was drunk, I was stupid… she's pregnant, it's mine, and I've been trying to do the right thing and take care of her and the baby like I know I should… and I've been trying to tell you, too. I really have. But I don't know what to do."

We sat in silence for a long time, until I couldn't stand sitting next to him any longer. I locked the bedroom door behind me. Because I didn't know what to do, either.

* * *

I walked past him, sleeping in his clothes on the couch, and I barely gave him a second glance. As I angrily put breakfast together, burning the toast and overcooking the eggs, I made myself think.

I couldn't really blame him, if he was telling the truth, because I'd known about the incident with Adena and I'd chosen to let it go, just like he'd chosen to ignore my own incident with Baralai. I'd forgiven him for it. And when my night with Baralai had turned out without consequence, I guess I'd assumed that his with Adena had, too.

_He must be a very virile guy, I guess…_ and I smiled. Just a little. And then I laughed.

It wasn't one of those laughs that was pure mirth. The laughs I liked. It was one of those laughs that pulls at your insides and happens because there's nothing else to do. The kind that hurts and feels more like a racking coughing fit than an actual laugh. It was loud, it echoed off the walls, and even as I tried to stop it, it just got louder and louder, harder and harder. Like it couldn't decide if it wanted to be a laugh or a cough or a sob or a scream.

I tossed the pan into the sink, metal hitting metal, making a splitting noise in my ears. Vaguely, I could hear a baby crying as I began to bang around the kitchen without a care, as I tore the little yellow flowers I'd had in a vase on the table into pieces. Tossed the shredded petals into the garbage can.

Sank to the ground in front of the cabinets in the corner when the laugh chose to morph into a frustrated scream and then the sobs.

Telan was screaming, too. I could hear it, and it reminded me of Besaid, the night I couldn't stop her. The night before I went to search for Gippal, a few nights before I found him being straddled by Adena, heard him groaning absently before leaving the house in a frenzy similar to the one I felt now.

"_What were you trying to do, get her pregnant, too? Find someone else to replace me, knock her up, and have a new baby to replace the one I 'stole' from you? Is that what you were trying to do!"_

I saw the irony the words I'd spoken that very night. Because he had gotten her pregnant. Had saying the words made them happen? I shook my head, leaning back against the cabinets. Would Adena replace me, now? Replace me and Telan, the new baby? Would that come true, too?

I stared at the case on the table, now empty. I remembered that I'd thrown one at him. I'd probably throw this one at him, too, if he weren't comforting Telan in the other room, trying to calm her down as he'd done previously.

I heard her squalling get louder as he came closer to the kitchen, start to echo like my laughing had when he entered. "Rikku," he said softly, rushing over to where I was sitting in the corner. Getting on his knees before me, resting his free hand on my shoulder.

"Don't touch me, please," I cried, shrinking away from him. He pulled his hand away like he'd been burnt.

We were quiet for a few minutes, as Telan and I cried, before he tried again. "Rikku, just let me try…"

"No… no, you should've thought about that a long time ago." I looked up and shook my head, watching as little tears streaked down Telan's cheeks. I suddenly felt guilty for scaring her with all my noise. "Gimme my baby…"

"She's okay, I've got her."

"Just give her to me," I said, the malice in my voice so thick I could taste it. And he handed her over reluctantly, touching my hair lightly once his hands were free.

"I'm sorry."

"We've been over this before. Sorry doesn't fix it." I ran my fingers through Telan's blonde fuzz, shushing her as she rested her head on my shoulder. I didn't meet his eyes. "Go away."

"I'm not going to leave, Rikku."

"I'm not asking you to leave. I'm telling you to leave me alone. There's a difference." Since when was I capable of sounding so cold?

"I should've told you."

"Yeah. You should've gotten yourself together. You should've told me when this all started. But no. You decided to keep it a secret. And now… you know, this is the second time that I've had to doubt you because of that bitch."

He was silent.

"Where the hell is she, anyway? For you to be taking care of her? How close? Is she living in your old room in the temple?"

He looked away, his eyes a little shinier than usual. His fists clenched in frustration. "No. And I don't take care of her, damnit, I just pay for… everything." I shook my head in disbelief as he turned his guilty eyes to me. "She's managing the outpost at the river. Stays in the little apartment above it."

"So that's why you started paying for the post to bring us deliveries. So no one would see her."

"…"

I shook my head in disbelief as I stared down at the baby. "Just go away."

* * *

_Thanks so much for reviewing! Hopefully I can get one or two more chapters up before I leave for college on Thursday! Thanks **FairyIce** for all your help. You are a genius, no matter what you say, ahha. _

_-Jezzi_


	11. The Sacrifice is Never Knowing

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 11: The Sacrifice Is Never Knowing**_

* * *

_He walks further down the path, the empty road stretching far ahead. Still reaching. Calling out, waiting for an answer, for her voice to call back. But she's not calling. She's not there._

_The flowers on the roadside are shriveling, and he can't stand it. Her presence, gone like the color in the shrinking petals. _

_A desert road to nowhere. A deserted road to nowhere. An empty road._

* * *

I let him take Telan to the office that day, let him take her off my hands and my mind for awhile, because I had things to take care of. Something I didn't want the baby to have to go through, even if she wouldn't remember it later.

She wouldn't have to be in the presence of the woman who had torn us apart repeatedly. I never wanted her to be near her.

I ventured into the rain and covered the distance quickly. I didn't mind the cold, but I tended to walk faster when I was angry. The Moonflow was full to bursting as I passed that place where Yuna, Paine and I had once sang with Tobli as our guide. Where I'd once danced with Gippal.

I stopped when I reached the dock, watching the pouring rain as it hit the wood, as the droplets split like a barrel would if it were thrown to the ground. I sat on a bench and stared at the water, at the pyreflies as they flew by, singing their eerie songs, creating their apparitions. Three summoners passed, talking of recent Sin attacks before flickering out like the picture on a broken CommSphere. Braska, Jecht, and Auron passed at a leisurely pace, talking about little brats and little girls. Yuna fell into the water from the back of a ghostly shoopuf. A broken machine rose in the water and my own ghostly image swam toward the far shore, crawling up in pain before collapsing on the muddy banks. And then I stood up, after who knows how long. I wasn't going to collapse like that again, not today, not any day. I wouldn't let the stupid little reactors play back any more scenes of pain.

I ignored them as I crossed the bridge into the newer section of town, as they came toward me, converging and reacting to my anger. "I'm not Shuyin, damnit, leave me alone…" I growled through clenched teeth.

I stepped through the door of the Faction outpost just after one o' clock. I pushed the fact that I'd sat outside in the rain for three hours aside, knowing I would only feel stupid if I thought about it.

The aisles were empty. My footsteps echoed through the empty store as I made my way toward the sound of turning pages. I spotted her quickly, standing behind the high counter that effectively hid her stomach from view, flipping through pages of a pricing book.

It took her awhile after I stopped walking to look up, sensing someone there. Her eyes were wide, shocked for a moment, and then guarded. Guarded, like she knew what was coming.

"He told you," she said softly, closing the book, standing straight behind the counter.

I nodded.

And we stared at one another for a moment before I broke into angry tears again, knowing I looked pathetic, not caring. "Why? Why are you doing this to me?"

"I never wanted to."

"You wanted in his pants since before I left," I growled angrily, taking one step forward before restraining myself.

She looked at the ground. "Yeah. But I didn't want _this_."

"Bullshit. You love to start chaos." My voice echoed as I quieted.

"At least he finally told you. That has to say something." She sounded as if she were trying to convince herself of something as well.

"He didn't tell me. A mutual friend saw you both gallivanting around in Bevelle."

She was silent. "We weren't gallivanting. We were confirming that it's his kid." I watched her as she shook her head and sat down on the stool behind the counter, gripping the counter tightly. "And I'm going to let him have it for not having the balls to say it to your face." We were both silent for a long while, staring at the floor

"Why would you do that?" I asked, glancing up at her, attempting to be civil as I repeatedly clenched and unclenched my fists.

"Because I told him to get it over with a long time ago. And I told him I was done hiding. I don't want this to be harder on him than it has to. And I certainly never wanted to make it hard on you." She met my eyes, her own uncertain. "I've been waiting for you to barge in here and scream at me, and I get it. I'm sure you've already screamed at Gippal. I'll scream at him, too, and maybe we can try to... live with this."

"If you didn't want to make it hard on me, then why did you even come back?" I asked, forcing myself to sit at the counter as well, though as far away from her as possible.

"Because I knew he'd never forgive me if I didn't let him know he was having another baby. And I saw how much he loved Telan, with all the pictures and stuff… I knew he'd love _it_, too."

A part of me wondered why her love wouldn't be enough. But I didn't voice the question, because it was stupid of me to even think it. I knew that answer already. I'd discovered that answer through experience.

"Rikku, he told me you're pregnant. He told me, and his eyes lit up. His eyes never lit up when I told him I was. I never expected that much. I never expected him to pay for everything, but I'm taking advantage of it. He's trying to do, for this baby, what he's doing now for Telan, and what he's going to be doing for your new baby."

"He's a good guy like that. An asshole. But a good guy." I finally looked her straight in the face.

"Don't hate him for being that good guy, then. Hate me for coming over that night. Don't hate him for doing what a good father should do."

"I could never hate him, Adena." My anger was calming, but not indefinitely. I could see the swell of her stomach, and for some insane reason, it made me feel immature for being so upset.

"I know. But you can hate me, and I'd be okay with it. I don't know that I want this baby, but I knew Gippal would, so I came back. And once it comes, I don't know what's going to happen. But I know he wants it. And I know he wants you, and Telan, and the new baby, too. He doesn't want anything to do with me. And I'm okay with that. I just want this baby to have _someone_ who wants it." Her eyes were slightly pleading, as if she'd been waiting to say that for a long time. Someone to talk to, because all she had was Gippal, who'd been stressed out for months, hiding her away so that I wouldn't be stressed, so that I wouldn't react badly. And I felt guilty. Confused.

Confused, because now I didn't want to hate her, either.

* * *

I sat in the kitchen when he got home, and I watched from the open door as he set Telan down on the floor and smiled at her, unzipping her fuzzy jacket and hanging it on the coat rack, letting her loose as she shakily crawled toward the pile of toys in the corner of the living room. He watched her fondly, and it was weird to watch him and think about that love in his eyes and how it was different when he looked at me, the same when he touched my barely swelling abdomen… unknown when he looked at Adena's large middle. Non-existent when he looked at Adena.

"I talked to her today," I said calmly, and he turned to look at me, his loving expression guarded, just as hers had been earlier.

"You went to the Moonflow?"

"Yes."

"You walked."

"Yes."

"Rikku, it's raining like hell out there! You should've taken a hover."

"And you should have told me about her months ago."

He bit his lip.

"I talked to her. I was mad at her, at first. But we talked for a long time." He tried to meet my gaze, but something in me was still too angry to look him in the face. "Did you know she doesn't really want the baby?"

"She just mentioned that the day we were in Bevelle."

"So she was never enthusiastic about it?"

"Not really. She just sort of… stayed quiet. And when she did try to talk about it, I told her to shut up."

"Why would you do that?" I asked, my words sharp.

He shook his head, pulling his eye-patch off, rubbing the covered eye and blinking furiously before taking a few steps toward me. "Because I was angry and I didn't want to hear it."

"Then why didn't you tell her to get rid of it while she had the chance, if you didn't even want to hear about it?" It was a horrible question, really, but I wanted to know his answer.

His eyes blinked down to where my hands rested, folded over my abdomen, and he shook his head. "I thought you knew me well enough to know I wouldn't even think of that as an option."

"You wouldn't have had to hide anything from me."

"I'd rather have to hide it forever than kill it." His eyes darkened as he spoke. "I'd never ask you, and I'd never ask her. I'd never want to ask, anyway."

He walked away from me, angered and took a seat next to Telan in the living room. She offered him a slobbery block, and he took it, spinning it in his fingers.

I knew my question was stupid. He'd never do anything to his children… mine or otherwise.

* * *

I stared at Rikku from the doorway of the bedroom. I doubted she'd want me to sleep next to her anytime soon. She had Telan with her, sleeping on her chest, and I just wanted to curl up with them and have everything go back to normal. I laughed a little at myself for wishing… how long had I been wishing without results? Too long.

I wished I could talk to Rikku about it. I wished I could talk to anyone. But Nooj wouldn't want to hear it. Yuna would be disgusted. Tidus would be pissed. Paine would be disappointed. And Baralai… Baralai touched _my_ Rikku, and that was unforgivable. But at least Baralai didn't get her pregnant.

I moved away from the door as Rikku sighed, her fingers brushing through Telan's blonde hair as she slept. She wouldn't be happy if she woke up to find me there. Retreating down the hall, I glanced into Telan's empty room, at the sleeping bags and blankets I'd set on the floor for a temporary bed. For a moment, I puzzled over how many cribs I would need to add to the room. How many rooms I would have to add to the house. And then I tore myself away because it wasn't something I should be dwelling on.

I walked through the living room and into the small office, sitting at my desk with a sigh. The stack of papers that waited there seemed so trivial. I remembered when, last time we'd been angry with each other, Rikku had come in and tried to make things okay by helping me sign them. She wouldn't come in to sign them now. No, this time it was my turn to make things okay.

* * *

_I'm so sorry this is taking forever! Plots are horrible to redo and adjust to and force yourself to go through with! College stress and homework and my laziness are also horrible. You can beat me with a stick! Thanks _**FairyIce**_, for everything! You rock my socks off, and you always fix me when I need fixing, LOL. Thanks to all you readers for being so patient with me. I love you all!_


	12. Not Enough

_**Journey's End  
**_**_Chapter 12: Not Enough_**

* * *

_Time has this strange tendency to move at different paces. It's kind of like how the wind blows the sand in different patterns, sometimes. How one ripple might look like an ocean wave, another like a flower, and another like nothing but a pile of plain-old sand. It crawls when you want it to move faster. It speeds up when you need it to slow down. It stops when you least expect it._

_I hated how time was crawling. I wanted it to move faster, I wanted this hideaway and pregnancy to be over. I wanted everything to right itself. But time is funny. Time does what it wants, and it controls everyone else while it does so. _

_Time's cousin, kind of like me and Yunie, you could say… well, Time's cousin's name was Consequence. Consequence has this strange tendency to throw everyone's stupid mistakes back in their faces. Yep, that's Consequence. Or, that's the side of Consequence I'm familiar with, anyway. It also holds people accountable for every action they make. In my case, most actions have fallen into the category of 'stupid mistakes'._

_Sometimes, I think that sleeping with Gippal in the first place was a stupid mistake… but most of the time, I don't. Only when I'm having a really bad day. No matter how bad or good my day is, I always think that running away from him was the stupidest stupid mistake I've ever made. Other stupid mistakes include drinking myself silly when I was twelve and getting caught by the Oasis patrols from Home, insulting a maester and getting myself thrown into this big pit of scariness that's also known as the Via Purifico, and eating a suspicious piece of cake that Barkeep put on the table and getting sick. Among other things. _

_Time and Consequence are nearly always on the same side. They get all Trigger Happy on the poor little people. And it makes me wonder, sometimes – when I'm on the receiving end of those bullets – why we don't think about the consequences time will bring along. Why we go on with life until life bites us in the ass and then the painful hindsight makes us actually acknowledge life. And we keep acknowledging it, until life itself is satisfied, I suppose, and then the whole stupid process starts again. _

_And even when I know all this… I still tell myself that everything is going to be okay once the baby's born. That I'll work things out with Gippal, and that we'll grow old together, somehow, with no problems and no heartache. Would you call that stupid, or optimistic? I don't know what I'd call it. _

_A dream, maybe. _

* * *

"I can't believe you! You let her find out from a stranger? That only makes it worse! And I'm nearly six months pregnant, besides! You should have told her!" Adena stood behind her kitchen counter, as far from me as she could get. And I couldn't blame her.

I didn't want to have to deal with me, either.

"I tried." My voice sounded weak to my own ears.

She tossed her hands in the air. "Stop. Don't you do that."

"What?" I asked, leaning against the door. I didn't know how much more of this I could take. Rikku ignoring me, locking me out of the house… Adena glaring and getting angry when I was in her presence. Barely any contact with Telan, and no one to talk to.

"Stop making pathetic excuses. Admit it."

"And where will admitting it get me?"

Two weeks and Rikku and I had barely spoken. But she and Adena had. Often. And while I knew it often turned to angered shouting matches, it was still something. Something more than a plate of cold food left in the kitchen at the end of the day.

"I don't know."

I opened the door, stepping down to the stairwell. "I should've told her. And what did that do?" The anxiety that I hated hadn't eased. Nothing had changed. It wasn't enough.

* * *

_Bevelle. A beautiful city, full of beautiful, righteous Yevonites. All of them honored, all of them welcome. Except me. _

_My initiation into the Crimson Squad would be private. I should have been glad that they were letting me in, after all. But just because I wasn't Yevonite didn't mean I didn't know the prayer, didn't mean I couldn't show respect. I deserved to go through the ceremony with the rest of them, inside the palace. _

_I waited outside the doors as the rest filed in, saluting my commanding officer clumsily. He was an understanding man, clasping my shoulder as he walked past, recognizing the hard look in my eye. "Just think of it as bein' special, kid."_

_I ignored him, looking straight ahead at the bay. The constant doubt among the masses of Spira made me edgy. I had no one to talk to… none in my local training group would look at me. I guess they were afraid my blonde hair and tanned skin would burn their Yevonite souls to hell or whatever the hell they believe in. I often asked myself why I'd ever left Home. Sure, I'd gotten to see Bevelle, the city that no Al Bhed ever walked in. But was it worth it? _

* * *

I stepped off the hover at the end of the Highbridge, waving my thanks to the driver as I tossed my bag over my shoulder. I was done being invisible, done with being the bad guy. I had to make everything okay again, for Rikku, for Adena, for Telan… and for myself. And I had to start somewhere. I had to forgive before I could be forgiven.

Bevelle was different than it used to be. Different, now that I took the time to notice. No stares, no disapproving head shakes when everyone else got a prayer. Now it was all kind smiles, with small children from the cloisters asking you if you'd like to buy a flower. People bowed to each other in the streets, and while it was still too formal for my taste, it made me feel more welcome. And it was nice to be able to walk through the streets and look around, instead of hiding behind walls and doorways so I wouldn't be spotted and mistaken for a Youth League soldier.

When I reached the main entrance to the palace, I nodded to the guards. The acolytes within prayed at me when I passed, which was a change. I still thought New Yevon was just as big of a crack of shit as the first old Yevon was, but I had to deal with it. If people wanted to cling to the past, that was their problem, not mine.

I'd been clinging to the past. I'd been acting like a Yevonite, holding grudges, hiding actions. It wasn't like an honest Al Bhed. It wasn't like me. So I sighed and knocked on the large door, waiting for a priest to open up.

"I'm uh… I'm here to see the Praetor."

* * *

I waited in his office, tapping my foot on the sprawling stone floor incessantly. He had a great view of the Lower City and the shipping area. I was a little jealous. My office had no view. Just solid stone walls, cold to the touch no matter what time of year, like steel bars that were holding me in.

My tapping foot began to annoy me. No longer served the purpose of distracting me from my thoughts. I wondered if Rikku even noticed I was gone. It'd been days since she'd last made eye contact. She didn't speak to me unless she had to. It was like she was getting angrier as the days went by. Like I couldn't hold on to her anymore.

The door opened and shut quietly behind me, and I quickly tore myself away from my thoughts. I stood and turned to face him.

We stared at each other for a long moment, tension so thick you could cut it with a butter knife flowing between us. His eyes were guarded, full of regret and uncertainty. I knew mine were the same. Yevonite and Al Bhed… but no different, in the long run. Still people, both of us. Still friends, underneath it. We nodded to each other, I think, because we both knew that. He took a deep breath, holding his hands up.

"Gippal… I didn't know it was you, I wasn't trying to… well, I only called to make sure…"

"I know. I uh-" I paused, brushing my hair back. "I came to say thanks. Because she'd still be in the dark, if you hadn't saw us. So, thanks."

Baralai had a strange expression on his face as he took a step closer to me. "I'm sorry about before, I should never have touched her."

I shook my head. "No. You know if I could tattoo my name all over her, I would." He smiled weakly. I guess it didn't sound like the joke I'd intended it to be. "But I'm not going to keep holding it against you. At least you didn't get her pregnant." I laughed, a bitter sound. Not the kind of laugh I liked. Not the kind that made a smile stick to your lips. The kind that accompanied a frown.

"Nope. That's your job." Both of us paused, staring at each other once more. Baralai looked as if he wanted to smack himself for even saying it. And for a moment, I wanted to smack him, too… but then my laugh came back. Bitter, at first, and then angry… too loud, and uncontrollable. And for a moment, when I felt the tear drops on my face, I thought it was because I was laughing too hard.

And I kept laughing too hard until I was out of breath, until I was lightheaded. Baralai grasped my forearm tightly, reminding me of the day I'd woken up, a bullet wound through my torso on fire. When he'd healed much better than I had… when he and Paine had held me down while the doctors and mages did what they could and sweat and silent tears rolled down my face from the pain.

He was telling me, in that way of his, that it was okay to cry here. I wasn't in my prison of an office anymore, I was in his wide open and welcoming one. Far away from home and all my troubles. And it was okay to let it go.

"Have you talked to anyone about this, at all?" he asked, after a long while, as I was wiping my most recent silent tears away.

"No."

"How long have you been trying to cover it up?" I had to remember to thank him, later.

"Two… three months? I don't remember… since my engagement party." I stared down at the floor, shaking my head. "We never even planned the wedding… and now she won't even look at me."

"It'll right itself. Everything always does."

"How?" I started tapping my foot again, an anxious habit.

"I don't know how, but it will." He grinned, obviously trying to lift my mood. "I have a plan... You love the girl, you marry the girl. You have your babies. And somehow we'll convince them both that they slept with the wrong guy. And look at that, friend… you just got me a kid and a girl, and I didn't even have to do anything."

He grinned at me, and I laughed lightly, despite myself. The first real laugh I'd had in a long time. "And they're just gonna believe this, are they? They're Al Bhed girls, they argue."

"You got me a firey girl, then."

"Great plan, genius." He cuffed me on the back as we stood to exit the room.

"If only it would work, huh?" Baralai asked, closing the door quietly behind me.

"…yeah." I followed him down the hall. Noticed, for the first time, that Bevelle was a place for windows, not stone.

I watched the diamond, sparkling in the faint light of the room. Telan was sound asleep in her room. Save for the sounds of her soft breathing on the baby monitor, the house was silent.

Gippal had been gone for two days, and he hadn't left a note. He'd taken a large stack of clothes with him, and none of them were work clothes. And all I could think about was how badly I wanted to throw the ring he'd given me at his head, much like I'd thrown the vase at him all those month's ago after I'd caught him and Adena in the first place.

That, and how much I was worried about him, disappearing without a trace. How it was about time he took his turn to run away. He'd done a good job of holding himself together and hiding her, though I would never tell him that. He deserved a break, time to figure out what he was going to do. Time for us to calm down. Time to make decisions that could potentially change everything.

I swallowed, looking out the little window at the rain. We'd all have to deal with the consequences of our actions in due course. We'd all have to find a way to live with them. So I watched the rain and put my ring back on, because there was nothing else for me to do. Time would decide the outcome, and all I could do was wait.

* * *

_Hey everyone. I'm back at school, and I'm going to work on another chapter this week in my spare time. Please let me know what you think, not just about the plot, but also about the dialouge, characterization, believability, etc. It would be a big help! Thanks!_


	13. Plead

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 13: Plead**_

* * *

I watched the candlelight flicker on the walls from across the walkway. The rain was heavy, the thunder almost constant. It was one of those nights when the limited electricity in Djose wasn't even a thought. One of the nights where Rikku would light candles and look at me and tell me they set a romantic mood. One of those nights that always ended in a very unromantic tickle attack. The nights when Telan slept between us because, just like her mama, the thunder scared her sometimes.

I hoped Rikku wasn't in there, scared because the constant flashes of electricity from the sky were only getting more frequent, and the thunder was only growing louder. Scared because I'd left her alone.

I was shivering.

I hoped that Yuna had called her already. Called her to tell her that I'd gone to talk to them while I was in Bevelle. I'd told them about Adena, I'd told them about everything.

I hoped that she knew I was getting what I deserved, a cold shoulder from Tidus and Yuna. Anger from every corner. I hope she knew that I was disgusted with myself. I hope she knew that Adena was disgusted with me. I hope she knew that I was going to do what I had to do because that's the kind of guy I was.

I tightened my fists against the cold.

I hoped she knew that I regretted never sitting down to help her choose a final place for the wedding. That I hated that I'd never kissed her while she was looking at wedding magazines. Hated that she'd stopped looking at those magazines a long time ago, pushed them to the side, and I hadn't even noticed.

I hoped she knew that I loved her, no matter what. That I'd always loved her, and nothing would ever change that.

* * *

She was walking down the hallway when I walked into the living room, Telan on her hip, a duffel bag over her shoulder. Both of them had jackets on, the ones that I thought were adorable because they both had the fur lining on the hoods. The ones that I liked because Telan looked like a miniature Rikku when she was wearing it. And at first, I smiled, because the sight was familiar.

But then the reason behind the duffel bag and the jackets hit me.

I dropped my own duffel in the middle of the room, just watching her. Taking her in while I could look at her. Before she left. Before she took the babies with her and left me for good.

She took a few steps toward me before she paused, staring back. Just watching me.

"I… I guess you're going, then," I said, my voice a little shaky. Telan squealed at me, holding her hands out as Rikku readjusted her on her hip. I took the few steps toward her and took her. "Gimme a hug, angel, there ya go…" I'd tried to freeze my heart for so long… I was never successful. I was even less successful when my baby girl rested her head on my shoulder and sighed deeply. Like she was comfortable. Even less successful because her jacket was puffy… because it would protect her from the rain better than I could.

Rikku opened her mouth as she rested her hand on Telan's back looking up at me, but I interrupted her. "I understand, you don't have to say anything." I placed my hand on top of hers… the first physical contact we'd had since she found out. Her hand was burning against my cold skin, but I didn't allow myself to dwell on it. "I'm sorry I was gone for the last few days… I went to talk to Baralai. And… I figured it would be better for me to tell Tidus and Yuna what was going on, I didn't want you do have to do it."

I hugged Telan a little tighter when I felt her grab the front of my shirt. Just like always. Just like the days in the hospital when I would walk her back and forth down the hallway to try to stop her tears. Rikku was going to take her again… and I deserved it, so I wasn't going to fight it.

"Gippal-"

I motioned to the bag. "It's really bad weather out… You should probably wait until it calms down… I'm going to worry about the three of you enough as it is, I don't want anything to happen in this storm." She looked confused, as my hand started shaking over hers. I squeezed tightly, because I didn't want to let go, not now, not ever. But I had to. I couldn't expect her to continue to love me.

She dropped the bag on the ground as hot tears began to roll down my cold cheeks, reaching up to pull my eye-patch off and push my soaking hair back. "Gippal, what on earth are you talking about?"

"It's really stormy out, I just don't want you to go… not right now." I squeezed her hand tighter, barely aware that I was nearly crushing her hand with my grip. "I don't want you to go, at all." I closed my eyes as Telan began to squirm, not wanting to let her go even though that was her 'put-me-down' signal. My breath came quicker, and more tears rolled away from my eyes. My little house was going to be empty again, just empty rooms with no color, a crib with no baby, a living room with no toys, a bedroom that wasn't lived in. A dull ache in my chest began to pound. "I should have told you, Cid's girl," I said softly, falling back on that old nickname for the first time in quite awhile. "I just wanted you to be happy, I never wanted to do this to you. I don't want you to go away again, but I deserve it this time, I ruined everything… I just want you to be happy."

I didn't realize that I was rambling. I didn't even realize that I was crying, shaking, until she gently ran her thumb over my cheek, speaking soothingly. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay… let me hold the baby, Gippal. It's okay. Let me hold her, just for a second."

"But I…"

"It's okay, just let me hold her…" Unwillingly, I handed Telan over, and Rikku quickly stepped around me, putting her down on the living room floor near a pile of toys. I leaned back into the wall, breathing deeply in an effort to control myself.

I'd finally broken, and as much as I wanted to stop it, I couldn't. She was leaving. The girl I loved was leaving… and it was all my fault.

She returned to me just as quickly as she'd taken the baby out of the area. Reached for my hand as I slid down the wall with my head buried in my hands. "I want to be there," I said, breathing as deep as I could. Avoiding the sight of her duffel bag on the ground next to me. "I want to see you, and Telan, and the baby. I want to be at the hospital again, when you have it… I wanna be there for her birthday… I wanna be there for _your_ birthday…" I looked at her, her face a little bit blurry through my tears. Leaned into her light touch against my cheek, squeezed her warm hand as she knelt in front of me. "I don't want you to go, Rikku, I love you…"

"I'm not goin' anywhere, Gippal…" she said calmly, her voice both calming and slightly panicked.

"I messed up, I know… I love you, please don't go away again…"

"Gippal, I'm right here. Ssh," she said, pulling me to her, wrapping her arms around me, flinching as she felt my cold skin. She felt like fire. "You're like ice… let me get you a blanket…"

As she started to pull away, I pulled her back, not wanting to let her go. "Don't go."

"I'm coming right back, it's okay. I'll be right back, I promise." She was quick, darting into the bedroom, coming back with a heavy blanket from the bed. I tried to take deep breathes as she tucked the blanket around me. "I'm not going anywhere, Gippal, it's alright. Everything's alright."

"But you're packed… and you and Telan are wearing the jackets…" I took her hand again as soon as she joined me under the blanket, not wanting to let her go for even one moment. It'd been too long since I'd touched her. Really touched her. Really held her hand. And now she was leaving.

"I didn't want to be alone in the storm. I was taking her to Brother's, is all… it's okay, we're not going anywhere. We're right here, look- she's drooling on those blocks you got her. And I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. You're gonna be there, Gippal, I promise. Me and Telan aren't goin' anywhere." She had a few tears on her face, too, and I reached a shaky hand to wipe them away.

"Don't cry, Rikki." My relief was evident in my voice, but my breath was still coming too quick. My body was still shaking, despite the warmth of the blanket. I felt disconnected, like I wasn't really there, somehow. "It's my fault, you shouldn't be crying."

"It's no one's fault… ssh, calm down. You're scaring me." She pulled my hand from her cheek, squeezing tightly.

"I c-can't," I whispered, unable to stop the dull ache in my chest, unable to stop the sobbing that was starting to give me a side-ache. I held her gaze, held tightly to her firey hand. "I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetheart, but you've gotta calm down. Just breathe, okay? It's okay, everything's gonna be okay…" I just looked into her pretty eyes, holding onto her while I shook, while breathing became more difficult and the hallway looked like it was shrinking. Looked at her until I was no longer aware of… anything.

* * *

I stared at him and pulled the blanket on my chair tighter around my body, thankful that Brother had come to take Telan an hour ago. Thankful that he hadn't made comments when I told him what was going on with Adena. Both of the nurses in the small Faction infirmary had finally gone home, as had the doctor. I was lucky that the weather had been so bad, the night before… all of the infirmary staff lived near Luca, and with the waters so choppy and the winds so strong, they'd been unable to get home. I hadn't known what to do when he'd been struggling to breathe, clutching at his chest, unable to calm down. I thought he was having a heart attack… and he was so cold… so cold…

He was still fast asleep. The doctor had mentioned that he'd sleep for a long while, and I knew he needed it. He'd hardly slept in the last few months, running on only a few hours a night. And now I knew why. Now I realized how hard it was for him to keep the secret, how hard it would have been for him to tell me about Adena.

I didn't want to throw the ring at his head, anymore. I didn't want to do anything but make sure he was okay. I never wanted to see him shaking and crying again. He was too strong for that… he hardly ever cried. He never had unexplained chest pains.

I'd called Baralai, Yuna, Paine, Lulu… even Adena. Everyone had offered to come over in case I needed them, but I'd told them no. I wanted Adena to stay inside unless I needed her, for the rest of the day, but since Brother was leaving town that night and I wanted to be around to make sure Gippal was alright, I'd already asked her to watch Telan. It was one small step for the two of us. I was allowing her to have contact with my baby. Allowing her to take a test drive and see how she liked it. I hoped Gippal would appreciate it. I hoped I wouldn't regret it.

* * *

"Rikku?" His voice was hoarse, and as I sprang forward in my chair, wiping the sleep from my eyes, I couldn't help smiling. Smiling, because I hadn't believed the doctor when he said he'd be fine.

"Hey…" I reached for him, and he immediately grasped my hand, his skin much warmer than before, though his grip was no less tight.

"You're still here," he said softly, his eyelids looking much too heavy. He glanced around the room, not moving more than he had to. "Where… where is here?"

"Infirmary." He looked a little bit confused, so I leaned toward him and brushed his messy hair from his eyes. "You had an anxiety attack last night…"

He narrowed his eyes, shaking his head just slightly. "Oh no…"

"I thought you were having a heart attack or something. You really freaked me out, Gippal." With a gentle smile, I crawled onto the bed with him, my previous anger and hesitation forgotten in my happiness at seeing him okay.

"I'm sorry, Rikki…" he whispered, absently tucking the blanket around me as I crawled under. "You- well… I thought you…"

"I'm still here. And that's where I'm staying." His arms were weak, but they were still around me. He hadn't held me like this for a long time, excluding the night I told him I was pregnant. He'd been to anxious about Adena to hold me like this.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head on my shoulder, curling unconsciously around me. It reminded me of a cat desperate to be petted, and so I gently ran my fingers through his hair, trying to be soothing. "You deserve better than me," he said, his voice quiet, his body still.

"I love you, and in my book, that means that there isn't better than you."

We were quiet for a really long time, so long that I thought he'd gone back to sleep. Finally, he blinked up at me, his expression confused. "Are all the workers doing okay?"

"I closed the Faction for a week… bad storms… and you need time off." I didn't care if he didn't want to hear it. I wasn't going to let him say otherwise. But he didn't argue, he just settled back on my shoulder. "And once you're ready, we're gonna go home and go back to bed. I want you to relax, and I want to relax a little, too."

He sighed his agreement, playing absently with a strand of my hair. I didn't say anything else, after that, because he fell back to sleep. But I thought plenty. Thought about how we were Al Bhed, and how we could adjust to anything.

* * *

_Hey everyone... much quicker than last time, haha. Hopefully I'll be able to do this again soon! I hope it was okay... please leave commentary, what I could've done better, what you liked or didn't, etc. Detailed reviews are good. LOL. Thanks!_


	14. Tired of the Weather

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 14: Tired of the Weather

* * *

**_

_I used to watch her as she brushed her hair in front of the mirror, taking the time to first get out all the knots and kinks. To give the problem strands a yank and put them back where they should be. I'd study her as she systematically split her blonde crown into little pieces, and wove them into smooth works of art. Each section had a different twist, something new and exciting to offer. She always used to say that she hated how braids always looked the same. Always the same pattern, like arrows pointing to the ground, forcing the hair to be straight and obey gravity. Always used to say that she was the only person in the world who knew how to make spiral patterns, how to make a twist like a round staircase, how to insert rectangles and triangles into her designs._

_I didn't even mind that it took her ages to get ready, because all night long I'd have a pretty hairstyle to look at as well as her pretty face. _

_I asked her if I could help once, and she was skeptical. Said she didn't want to give away her secrets. I told her that she didn't have to worry, because I'd probably make a mess of it anyway. And so, she patiently sat in the middle of the bed while I sat behind her, imitating her actions and separating one chunk into three smaller pieces. Starting the typical boring 'obey-gravity' braid. _

"_Not like that," she said, reaching behind her head to guide my hands through the motions of the spiral pattern. Twisting her hair about my finger, weaving it through the normal braid in strange places and pulling it back down into the pattern. And finally, when she pulled the strands through a bright green bead and tied a temporary knot in her hair, I looked it over. _

"_It's messy."_

_She shrugged. "You'll get the hang of it, with practice." _

* * *

"How was she?" I asked quietly, opening the door to the infirmary so that Adena could come inside. My knuckles white on the doorknob as I saw Telan sleeping soundly on her shoulder.

"She was good. Very good. She really likes those blocks, doesn't she? I tried to play with her with all the stuffed animals, but she kept going back to the blocks. And the gummi ring things." She looked uncomfortable as she balanced the baby and the diaper bag. I noticed that she was holding onto Telan with both hands, like she would fall and break unless she held her tightly. My grip loosened a bit.

"She's still got teeth coming in. I guess the blocks make her gums feel better?" I took the diaper bag from her, setting it down by the playpen I'd brought up from Gippal's office. "Come sit down, she's probably getting heavy…"

"Do you want her? I didn't know if you'd want me to wake her up or not…"

"If you don't mind holding her, I don't mind letting her sleep a while longer. She wakes up the minute someone passes her over." It was weird, I thought, to be chatting idly about Telan's habits to the woman I thought I'd hate. The woman I only felt a strong dislike for at certain moments.

"Yeah." She sat down on the couch, and I perched on the edge next to her, watching her as she settled down. Seeing how uncomfortable Adena looked. We were silent for a few moments before she smiled weakly. "She didn't push me away, but she looked at me funny. Like I was weird tasting baby food or something."

My own lips smiled weakly back. "That makes me feel a little better."

"I thought it would." She glanced over to Gippal's sleeping form, her eyebrows creasing with concern. "How's he doing?" she asked, catching my gaze.

"He's only woken up twice, and he hasn't eaten either time. I think he still feels edgy." I shrugged and bit my lip. "I can't blame him, though." I wanted to say that he had the worst end of this situation. To tell her that he'd been stressing out about her for too long and that was what pushed him over the edge. But I knew that she knew that already. The guilt on her face reminded me of the guilt I'd felt when Yuna had brought Gippal to the hospital. And as much as I wanted to speak my mind, I didn't want her to have to feel that guilty. I noticed that her grip on Telan was still firm, and I pointed at her hands uncertainly. "You don't have to hold her that tight, she's okay."

She was silent as she loosened her grip on the baby. "Sorry, I just didn't want her to fall or anything…" I could see that she was uncomfortable, and I stood up to carefully pluck Telan from her shoulder.

"You wouldn't have let her fall." Telan squirmed a little in my arms, whining as she opened her eyes and looked around. "Sssh," I said soothingly, rubbing my index finger softly along the bridge of her tiny nose. "Good morning, sleepy…" She yawned wide, and I grinned as I walked her toward Gippal's bed. "Wanna go lie down with Daddy? I bet he'd like to see you, he's not feeling so good." I gently placed her on my shoulder and steadied her with one hand while I pulled up the protective sides of the infirmary bed with the other. I settled her next to Gippal, covering her up with a spare corner of his blanket before turning back to Adena.

"I wish I was that good with her," she said absently, placing a hand on her bulging stomach. It dawned on me that all three of Gippal's children were in the same room, and I bit the inside of my cheek so hard it hurt. It shouldn't bother me. But it did.

"You're not her mother," I said calmly, not knowing if I said this to comfort Adena or to comfort myself. "When yours gets here, you'll be just fine."

"If you say so." She pushed herself up off the couch and made her way to the door. Before letting herself out, she looked back, frowning a little. "I'm sorry this is so awkward…"

"It's bound to be awkward. I don't like it but there's nothing I can do about it." I followed her to the door and attempted a smile. "Thanks for watching her."

"You're welcome. If you need me again, you know where I am." She smiled back and waved slightly as she started to walk down the hall. I nodded and closed the door behind her, leaning against it as soon as it was shut. The cool wood against my forehead was as refreshing as a cool breeze in the desert.

_You'll get the hang of this… it's just gonna take a little practice, that's all. _

* * *

I stuck my tongue out at Telan, squeezing her little fingers as she giggled at my face making. Her laughter made me feel much better. My daughter could still laugh at me. She still thought I was funny. I hadn't changed in her eyes. I was still her goofy daddy.

I wanted it to stay that way.

I glanced across the room at Rikku. Her back was to us, her head against the door as she breathed deeply. Like she had been drowning and finally broken the surface. She'd just been nice to Adena, nicer than I would have ever asked her to be. She needed time to calm down.

I'd seen her leaning against the door like that before. When she'd tried to tell me about Telan all those months ago. When she'd felt disconcerted and upset and I hadn't realized it. I frowned, tickling Telan's chin to keep her smiling. With a sigh, I rolled onto my back, setting Telan on my chest as I made room in the bed. "Rikku," I called softly.

She turned to look at me, her hair spilling over her shoulder as she walked steadily toward me. "Sorry, we were trying to be quiet…"

I shrugged as I patted the place beside me on the bed. "I eavesdropped for a little while."

She stared down at me for a long moment before she sat down and pulled her knees into her chest. Her hair hid her face like a curtain of gold, and I frowned even deeper. She was silent.

"I wish I could be that nice to her. I don't know how you did it."

I looked at her hands, since I couldn't see her eyes. Watched as she clenched and unclenched her fingers. "Telan fell asleep on her shoulder."

"She falls asleep on Karaa's shoulder all the time."

"Karaa isn't her."

I didn't know what to say to that. I just reached for her hand, prying her fingers open. "You were the better person. You didn't get angry where she could see you. It's okay to be angry now. At her, at me…"

"I can't stay angry at you. No matter how hard I try. And I can't stay angry at her, either..." She looked up at me with shining eyes, and I sighed heavily, running my thumb over her cheek. "She's just as scared as I was. And she's trying. I can't hate her for that."

"No, but if you did, it would be okay." I kissed Telan's forehead as she cooed and wiggled in my arms, and I tugged on Rikku's arm. "Let's relax before we go home tonight, okay? I don't want to scare you again, and I don't want you to get stressed over all this. No more than you already are."

She smiled a little shakily before lifting the blanket and crawling underneath. We didn't say anything else. She simply rubbed her finger along the bridge of Telan's nose, putting her to sleep once again, and I ran my fingers through her hair. Neither of us felt like talking anymore. The reassurance of sitting together was enough.

* * *

_She smiled at me as we relaxed on the blanket that we'd spread out on the riverbank. I was using one of her arms as a pillow, running my fingers over the thigh she'd wrapped around my waist. _

"_What're you thinking about?" I asked her as I glanced up at the sun. We still had a few hours before dark. A few more hours to just lie next to one another. To touch one another. A few more hours with no responsibilities. _

"_The clouds and how that one right there looks like a cactuar." She pointed, and I turned my head to look. _

"… _a fuzzy cactuar, maybe."_

"_Well… it's a cloud, it can't be pokey."_

"_Yes it can."_

"_No."_

"_Yes."_

_She laughed at me and shoved my shoulder lightly. I shook my head and glanced back up at the cloud. "Now it looks like a blob."_

"_A fuzzy blob, right?" she asked, still grinning. _

"_Right."_

_With a sigh, I looked at her again, resting my head on her forearm once more. "You're a comfortable pillow, Cid's girl. If I'm not careful, I'll fall asleep on ya."_

"_I don't mind." She grinned and brought her free hand to my face, running her index finger down the bridge of my nose. I blinked lazily at her.  
_

"_Whatcha doin'?"_

"_Brother and Vydran used to do this to me when I couldn't sleep… Mama used to do it to Brother when he was little. Said it helped him sleep, I guess. It always worked on me." She smiled and continued. _

"_What was her name, again?" I asked, breathing deeply as I relaxed. _

"_Telan. Why?" I felt her shift her leg ever so slightly, and I began to trail my fingers over her thigh again.  
_

"_Telan was a smart woman… I like this technique. I like it a lot."_

_Rikku laughed quietly as I tickled her leg. "Yeah. I'm gonna use the trick on my kids one day."_

_I grinned and nodded, moving my head up to kiss her fingertip lightly. "I'm sure they'll like it, too."_

* * *

_Yeah, so... not my best work. But it's something, right? Finals are over, thank goodness. Hopefully I'll get more done this week. Thanks for sticking with me!_


	15. Breathe

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 15: Breathe**_

* * *

I stepped out of the shower and stood on the towel I'd set on the floor for a moment, looking at my face in the mirror. Watching the water trickle down my cheeks like rain, like teardrops. My hair was cold and tangled against my back. I shivered in the cold air. Shivered and stared at my reflection in the foggy mirror until my hazy face began to become clear and goose-bumps covered my body.

Sound came back to me, then. Sensation returned. I reached hurriedly for the towel as I heard Gippal call my name. Squeezed the remaining liquid from my knotted plait before wrapping myself in the soft terry-cloth.

He wasn't in bed where I'd left him. I sighed as I searched for my robe in the closet, jumping a bit when I heard soft footsteps behind me, callused and gentle hands running down my bare arms. Pulling my towel away as they draped the robe over my shoulders. Lingering over my stomach as they pulled the sides close and clumsily tied the ribbon around the middle. Relaxing as soft lips grazed the side of my neck, tender and hesitant. "Why aren't you resting?" I asked distractedly, turning to face him, my hands wandering toward his shoulders, barely conscious that I'd directed them there.

"I've been resting for days, it's your turn," he whispered, running his thumbs over my cheeks, wiping the water droplets away. "You smell nice."

"Thanks… I'm okay. Please don't strain yourself," I said quietly, trailing my fingers up and down the strong line of his neck.

"I made you breakfast." He nodded absently toward a tray on the night table as he leaned his forehead against mine. "I hope it's okay. I didn't try to flambé it this time."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I didn't want to set anything on fire."

"I mean the whole breakfast making thing." I shivered as he brought his hands to my waist, guiding me toward the bed and the night table. A different kind of shiver than the one I'd had in the bathroom.

"I wanted to. Can't I let you rest once in awhile, too?" he asked, reaching for the tray as I settled myself on the bed. "I thought you might enjoy breakfast in bed."

It sounded nice. Sounded like something I deserved. Something I'd earned, with all this insanity, with making sure he was resting at a constant rate. Something I needed.

"I would, I just don't want you up and about more than is necessary."

"Making you breakfast_ is_ necessary," he whispered, setting the tray in my lap. "You look tired. I want you to rest, too. You need it more than me."

"No, I don't." I took a bite of toast, meeting his eyes.

He nodded as he brushed my wet and tangled hair from my face. "Yeah, you do."

* * *

The dark circles around her eyes needed to go away. Her weariness needed to go away.

I used to compare her to the sunlight. Warm and golden, soft and yet burning all at once. Now, I'd compare her to moonlight. Cool, pale – still soft, but somehow fading. Closer to the earth, and yet more distant than the sun.

She was still shining, underneath the weight of the situation. Still there. Still within reach, but unattainable.

I set Telan in her crib as I looked at Rikku, sleeping soundly in the rocking chair. Gently pried the baby's fingers off of mine as I pulled the blankets over her tiny body.

With a sigh, I kneeled next to her, rubbing my thumb over her cheek as I brushed away stray strands of hair.

A long time passed. She didn't move. I didn't blame her… the circles under her eyes were evidence enough that she needed the sleep. I took a deep breath, tracing patterns on her chin as I watched her with a careful eye.

I whispered, softly, so I wouldn't wake her up. "I feel like I'm losing you, sometimes…" I reached for her free hand, squeezing it… holding it tight, as if that one motion would keep her within my grasp and sight forever.

* * *

I kept my eyes on Telan as she napped between us. Occasionally glanced at Rikku. I was lucky, I thought, to have had this time with them. Time to give Rikku little apologies with my actions, little bits of proof that I wanted our family to stay intact. That I didn't want Adena to come between us. That I wanted everything to work out, in the long run. Time to play with Telan and crawl around with her. To be amazed at how quickly she was growing, learning. To watch her sleep and regret that I'd spent so much time wrapped up in my mistakes and spent so little time with her.

I kept his eyes on Telan because she was the only thing in my life that seemed to be both staying the same and changing all at once. She would still hold onto my shirt with her little hands as she always had, but she didn't need me to hold her bottle up anymore. Didn't need me to entertain her as much as she once had. She would still rest her head on my shoulder when she was tired, but she could fall asleep without anyone coddling her. With two babies on the way and a life that should feel full of change, I felt frozen. Stuck. Stagnant. Cemented into the situation. Cemented into the uncertainties. But Telan seemed to be the exception.

She took a quick breath, starting as she slept. Both of us reached out a hand to steady her. We caught each other's gaze, smiling as I set my hand on her little tummy, as Rikku rubbed the bridge of her nose. Telan got comfortable again for a moment before rolling over onto my outstretched arm, using it as a pillow. Very gently, so as not to wake her, I lifted her onto my chest, resting her head on my shoulder as I comfortingly patted her back.

"She's tired, I guess," said Rikku softly, scooting a bit closer to me.

"Yeah, well, she chased me around for a really long time this morning. All that crawling has to take a lot out of you." I grinned and winked at Rikku, making her laugh.

It was the first time I'd heard her laughter in a very long while. Times that seemed so far away, memories I might have imagined. I smiled at her, reaching my hand out to touch her cheek. "... I missed that."

She shrugged. "Yeah." With a nod, she rested her head on the pillows. "Me, too."

We were quiet for a while, staring up at the ceiling. I smoothed Telan's hair, bouncing her lightly as she began to whimper again. "Hey Rikki?" I murmured.

"Mmm?" she answered, looking in my direction.

"Remember that night on Besaid, before I proposed? When we were talking about time, and how it was moving too fast or slow or whatever?" I was slightly uncomfortable.

"Yeah, why?"

I cleared my throat, finding one small spot on the ceiling very interesting. "I've been feeling stuck lately. Like time isn't movin' at all."

She nodded after awhile, taking a deep breath. "I can relate to that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Silence came over us once more as Telan jumped again. We both went back to staring at the ceiling.

"Gippal?"

"Yeah?"

She glanced over at me. "I'm tired of feeling stuck, too."

* * *

I stood in the rain as it poured in sheets, watching the waves crash into the rocks off the coast. With a shiver, I glanced back at the temple, watching as puddles grew larger with the most recent rainfall. People skirted around them as they walked off the twin bridges and into the courtyard, holding down the hoods of their jackets to stay dry. I watched as some travelers hurriedly approached the rental outpost for the hovers at the fork of the road. The man behind the counter smiled as he took their money, and the hover driver started up one of the covered transportation devices, waving everyone over and allowing them to settle inside before closing the doors and slowly beginning the trip to the Moonflow.

Everything at the Faction was back to normal, despite the continuing storms. Business was slow, due to the weather in the surrounding areas. The Celsius hadn't been able to take off to make rounds for a week, but the schedule for pick-ups and deliveries was growing larger by the moment. Employees were laughing together during lunch breaks.

I glanced back out at the ocean, watching as a tiny stream of sunlight broke through the never-ending string of dark clouds on the horizon. And I sighed as I pushed myself off the wall and turned my head away from the crashing waves, feeling refreshed by the ocean spray and the rain drops. I watched as workers took boxes of parts that had been put into storage inside for use until shipments arrived from Bikanel. Looked at the heavy jackets that shielded them from the rain just as well as any jumpsuit had shielded them from the sun in the desert. Listened as they laughed at each other merrily.

They could work through anything that was thrown at them. They could work through rain or shine, Sin or Calm… I smiled thinly as I thought about the Al Bhed, and how they were survivors. As I thought about how I was proud to be one of them.

* * *

_Okay, so this is the editted version... I realized the other day that I'd totally switched tenses for the second half of this story. Third person equals a no no. I apologize for that slip-up to everyone who read this before August 24, 2007. Thanks guys!_


	16. Your Hand

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 16: Your Hand**_

* * *

_The two young children giggled as they ran toward the water hole, glancing over their shoulders with squeals of mock-terror as their baby-sitter chased after them. Rikku's clumsy five-year-old fingers pulled her hair away from her eyes as the desert wind whipped it around her face. Gippal tugged on her hand to make her run faster. "C'mon, they're gonna get us!"_

"_Think they found Brother yet?" she asked, giggling as one of the teenage Al Bhed behind them tripped in the sand. _

"_Dunno… c'mon, we gotta lose 'em."_

"_Daneah won't jump in the water to get us. We could hide there."_

"_But she'll be able to see us!"_

"_But she won't come in! So we can swim for as long as we want!"_

_Gippal tugged harder on her hand, sprinting as fast as he could through the desert sand. _

"_Hey! Stop running! Come back here!" Daneah called out dispiritedly. Rikku and Gippal quickly looked over their shoulders and stuck their tongues out at her, giggling as they approached the water. _

_Gippal let go of Rikku's hand as they came over the top of the water hole and continued to run right off the rocks and into the water. _

"_Gippal, no!" came Daneah's anguished cry. _

"_Rikku, come on! It's perfect!" Gippal called out as he surfaced, his shaggy blond hair sticking to his face. _

"_It's too high!" she called, looking down at the slight drop into the water uncertainly.  
_

"_It's smaller than it looks, come on!"_

"_I don't wanna…" She looked behind her as the babysitter came ever closer. _

_Gippal waded over to the rocks and propped himself up on them, reaching up to her. "Gimme your hand."_

_She tentatively reached down and grasped it, squealing as she lost her balance._

"_Jump!"_

_It was less of a jump and more of a fall, but she threw herself off the rocks all the same. As the cool water wrapped around her body, she giggled, bubbles leaving her mouth. _

_When she surfaced, Gippal was right next to her. She heard Daneah yelling, but she ignored her. "That wasn't so bad, after all!" she said cheerily, clumsily pulling her tangled hair away from her face. _

_Gippal spit some water into her face and she squealed in protest, blocking her face with her hands. "Told ya," he said, a smug smirk on his face._

* * *

My desk was clean for the first time in months. There were no stacks of paper for me to take home, nothing that would interfere with my free time. I glanced out the window. Another miserably wet and windy day looked back at me, occasionally lit by a stray bolt of lightning. Nothing different. Nothing special.

I glanced at the clock, raising my eyebrows as I read the time. I'd finished my work and left my desk clean for the first time in ages with half an hour to spare. Telan wouldn't be down for her nap yet. Rikku would be trying to get her sleep and trying to start dinner. With a bit of a grin, I grabbed my coat from the back of my chair and pulled it on as I left my office without a backward glance.

I waved at the employees as I passed them, feeling quite a bit lighter than I'd felt in a long time. A few of them looked surprised to see me out of my office… usually I stayed late, closing up long after everyone else had gone.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Karaa called out as I walked toward the front desk.

I held up my hands, shrugging. "Home. I'm done!"

"Since when do you get fed up with your work and decide to leave early?" she asked, cocking her head to the side. "You're a workaholic! That doesn't happen!"

"I'm not fed up," I replied with a grin. "There's just nothing left for me to do. So I'm going home!"

"You finished all of that paperwork?" she asked me, her voice skeptical.

"Affirmative. How's my inbox looking for tomorrow?" I leaned against the desk, signing my name onto the timesheet I usually ignored. Making sure that the time was written in big, clear numbers. Obnoxious numbers.

"Rather empty. I don't believe you. Finishing all that junk, and early to boot." She glanced at my signature on the time sheet, shaking her head. "You're seriously done."

"Yep. Seriously done." I picked up the little date stamp from behind the counter and waved it in front of her face. "So approve it. Stamp my sign-out for the first time ever so that I can be proud. And if you still don't believe me, go look at my office. It's clean as it was the day this business started. And all the papers are filed by incoming date for you, waiting in the outbox." I gave her a playful smile.

Karaa's jaw dropped, and she reluctantly snatched the date stamp from my hands. "You filed?! You're early, you're filing, and you've got a smile on you face. What's wrong with you?"

I winked as I walked away. "For the first time in a long while, my friend, I can truthfully answer that question with the word 'nothing'." As I stepped out into the rain, I chuckled at her echoing mutters, thinking that maybe something about the day was different and special after all.

* * *

I walked into the house and hung my coat in the closet, shaking my hand through my wet hair to get rid of some of the moisture. Telan's whining echoed through the entryway, followed by Rikku's calm voice. I walked quietly into the living room, glancing into the kitchen at the half-finished meal on the counter. "Hey," I said calmly, smiling at my fiancée. A real smile. A relaxed smile. To my fiancée… it felt so nice to call her that, once again, even if it was only in my head. Nice to acknowledge it and not push it aside to make my life seem less complicated.

She looked up, her features a bit startled. "You're home early," she said softly, patting Telan's back in an effort to calm her. "What's the occasion?"

I shrugged, kneeling next to them near the couch, looking down at the fussy little girl in Rikku's arms. "I finished everything I needed to do."

"No way, you never do that. Not without bringing a case full of paperwork home, at least."

"I know… but I really did finish. Karaa didn't believe me, either." I brushed Telan's hair back, grinning at her fondly. "She's awfully fussy today," I said, glancing at Rikku as the baby squealed unhappily and pushed my hand away.

With a nod, she gently patted Telan's back again. "She hasn't slept all day… this is the first time she hasn't wanted to take a nap. She wouldn't even let me lie her down in the crib. I've gotten absolutely nothing done. She's hard to entertain like this." She gave me a tiny, stressed looking smile, holding my gaze hesitantly.

"I'll take her. I haven't really been around to put her down for a nap all that often. I miss it… and you could use a break, you look exhausted." I held out my hands, getting to my feet. "Come see Daddy, baby girl!" My grin faltered a bit as Telan begun to squall and squirm. "Damn, she's not happy…"

Rikku passed the wiggling infant to me with some difficulty, sighing in relief once I took hold of her. She began to calm down for me instantly, and I thought I saw something similar to jealousy flicker over Rikku's features. I glanced at her curiously as I patted the baby's back. "You okay?"

She nodded a bit absently, pushing herself off the couch. "Yeah. I'm fine."

Telan rested her head on my shoulder with a loud sigh. I grinned and gave Rikku a tiny wave as I began to walk slowly down the hallway. I bounced Telan gently to soothe her whimpers.

I passed her room, humming softly to her. I never had the time to sing to her, anymore, it seemed. But now I did. Right now, I could hold her close, and rock her back and forth, let her wrap her fingers around my shirt without prying them away because I had somewhere to be. Somewhere that, in the moment, seemed more important. There was nowhere more important than here. Nothing more pressing than those little fingers holding onto me. Nothing more precious than the fact that my daughter clung to me as I rocked her to sleep, because she trusted me. Even after I'd been completely absent in mindset for months. Even after I'd been so distracted I'd carelessly plucked her fingers away and set her in her swing chair, a device that was a poor substitute for actual arms that lovingly rocked her to sleep. She still trusted me, and she still liked the sound of my voice, and she still calmed for me quicker than she calmed for her mother. And I could still secretly pride myself in that.

She brought her other hand to her mouth, sucking lightly on her fingers as her eyelids started to sink heavily. With a sigh, I nudged the door of mine and Rikku's bedroom open with my foot, glancing around for her pacifier. I spotted it on the nightstand, and slowly walked over, patting her back. Carefully, I reached down and adjusted her in my arms, pulling her tiny hand away from her mouth. She began to whine again, in objection, but I quickly placed the soft end of the pacifier at her lips. She opened her mouth and began to suck on it as I smiled softly and wiped her drool off her little fingers.

"No more eating your hand, angel," I whispered, rubbing her back in tiny, soothing circles as I walked back and forth across the room, listening to the faint sounds of Rikku making dinner from the kitchen. "It's not good for those pretty teeth you're getting. And I know you're all cranky 'cause of those pretty teeth, but eating your hand will only give you wrinkly fingers." The clatter of pots and pans reached my ears, and the baby jumped a little as the sharper sound of dishes in the sink came down the hall. "Ssh, angel, it's just Mama…"

I walked over to the door as I bounced her lightly, closing it so that the sounds wouldn't startle her. With a sigh, I began to make slow circles around the room, occasionally walking in and out of the bathroom to look at Telan's face in the mirror. Her eyes were heavy, but she was fighting sleep. I grinned as I started to hum again… she was stubborn. Rikku fought sleep now and then, too… it was just as adorable as it was when Telan did it. I stopped to look at the pictures on the walls as I shifted my weight back and forth, feeling her jump now and then when she realized she was falling asleep and struggled to keep her eyes open. I'd never realized that Rikku had put up some photos of us when we were children. Photos in which she looked disgruntled because I was holding my fingers up like antennae behind her head. Photos where we were helping with machines in the front courtyard of Home. There was one of the two of us on the salvage boat our first time out, another in which I had my chin on her shoulder and my arms around her waist as she giggled. An entire collage paid homage to the pilgrimage, group photos taken privately as well as a few very famous images that were well known to the public. Another collage was made up of pictures of my friends and I during the days of the Crimson Squad; I assumed she'd gotten these from Paine, because I sure as hell didn't have any.

I felt Telan go limp in my arms at the same moment that I felt the pacifier roll down my back. With a sigh, I grinned and walked about the room a few more times before glancing in the bathroom mirror to make sure she was asleep. I carefully opened the door once more, keeping a hand over Telan's ears as I walked down the hall to her room to drown out the noise from the kitchen. Very gently, I walked down the two tiny stairs into the room and crossed the room to her crib. After fussing over her blankets for a moment, I set her down and covered her up, setting a little stuffed moogle within reach for her to hold on to. "Sleep tight, Telly," I whispered as I turned the baby monitor on.

I folded the blanket that Rikku had left crumpled on the rocking chair and set it back on the blanket rack before I crossed the room and carefully shut the door behind me. With a sigh, I walked back to the master bedroom to grab the portable end of the baby monitor. Turning the switch on, I listened to Telan's calm breathing for a moment. I smirked to myself… it hadn't taken any longer than fifteen minutes for me to get her sound asleep. "Who's got the magic touch? That would be _me_," I said proudly, shuffling toward the door as I tucked the monitor under my arm. I felt my foot connect with something small on the ground, and glanced up in time to see Telan's dropped pacifier roll under the bed.

I set the monitor on the floor as I knelt down next to the bed, shoving my hand underneath to grab the pacifier. I'd been prepared to come in contact with a slightly drooled up piece of plastic, but instead, my hand ran straight into something very hard. I buried my face in the bedspread as I yelled so that I wouldn't wake up the baby, shaking my hand out as pain rippled along the hand I'd fractured when I'd hit the wall a few months back.

With a groan I sat on the floor, and leaned against the bed, examining my hand closely. My knuckles were bright red and stinging, and it hurt a bit to move my fingers. "Damn it," I whispered, shaking my head in frustration as I bent over and pulled the dust skirt up. I growled as I looked at the bedpost I'd jammed my hand into. Just beyond it, though, something caught my attention. Next to the innocent little pacifier was a single packing box, resting against the wall beneath the bed. Hissing as my hand stung, I tenderly pulled it out, reaching back under for the pacifier as an afterthought.

Timidly, I pulled off the lid of the box as I shook the pain out of my hand once more. A notebook rested atop the pile inside, and I picked it up with a glance at the contents underneath. The first magazine was familiar… Rikku had been looking through it with Yuna one afternoon after work. I looked at the face of the girl on the front, at her happy smile and the pearly white dress she was wearing, and quickly reached into the box once more to sift through the other papers and advertisements. Pamphlets for flowers… seating arrangement charts that had been left empty… fabrics, color samples, napkins – most of which I'd never seen – were haphazardly thrown together. Were hidden inside this little packing box. There were notes on the front covers of a few of the magazines, listing page numbers of interest or stating Yuna's wishes for Rikku's compliance and cooperation in the magazine perusing. I stacked everything inside once more, pulling the napkin samples and fabric charts to the top so they wouldn't continue to be crushed and disfigured.

Reaching for the notebook, I flipped it open. The first page was full of tiny drawings and varying versions of engagement announcements. A final one was circled, short and simple, stating the date of our engagement and wedding invitations that would be following shortly. I turned the page in slight confusion, wondering if she'd ever sent those out or had them printed. The word 'guests' was written in Rikku's messy scrawl on top of the page, followed by the names of our closest family and friends. Yuna's writing, which I recognized from the various notes on the bridal books, listed obscure people that I knew but didn't really care for, such as Clasko, Lucil, Elma, and even Rikku's doctor from Luca. I flipped the page again, finding a new guest list, all in Rikku's writing, reinstating those she'd listed before with added mentions of Faction members and some people whom I assumed she knew from the pilgrimage. 'Gippal's additions' was written along the center of the page, but I'd never written anything on that piece of paper, never added anything to it. Because she'd never shown me.

In truth, I didn't really have anyone I wanted to invite. The only people I knew that weren't dead were those who'd already been listed. Rikku's friends and my friends were the same people. Karaa was the only Faction member that jumped to mind to add to the list, but Rikku had taken care of that already, as well. I flipped back to the previous page, staring at Yuna's handwriting. Due to our relations and sometimes prominent positions in Spira, Rikku and I really should have considered inviting all of these obscure people. But all the same… Rikku had rewritten the list, which indicated that she didn't want people who didn't truly matter to her at our wedding. And I agreed with her.

And then a thought came to me, unbidden. Why was everything shoved in this tiny box under our bed, hidden away, and untouched? Why hadn't Yuna been sending new books lately? I frowned as I tossed the notebook back inside the box and replaced the lid, thinking that I'd rather have our wedding be an intimate occasion assuming that it was still happening at all. I placed the pacifier on the nightstand where I'd found it and then picked the box up, not paying attention to the pain in my hand as I did so. After placing the baby monitor on top of the box, I left the room and walked down the hall.

Her back was to me as I entered the kitchen. I watched her quietly as she sifted through the contents of the cabinets, pulling out a few cans of vegetables. With a sigh, I dropped the box heavily upon the kitchen table, listening to the echoing thud as she turned around in surprise. I noted that her eyes glanced uncomfortably at the box before she looked at me and turned back to the counter. "Is she asleep?" she asked nonchalantly, fumbling with the can opener as she glanced back over her shoulder.

"Yeah." I pulled out a chair, but didn't sit in it. She poured the contents of the can into a pot and set it atop the stove to heat. I took a few steps toward her, and as she reached for the can opener a second time, I touched her shoulder lightly and pointed to the box. "What's that?" I asked, my voice as nonchalant as hers. "I found it under the bed."

She blinked a few times before she shrugged and busied herself with the can opener again. "Yuna brought it by awhile ago… it's nothing important, really." She bit her lip as I stared at her, my gaze a little harder than usual.

"Nothing important," I repeated, my tone one of incredulity. She glanced up at me and nodded innocently, shrugging once more.

"Just some magazines and things…" she said calmly, pouring the can of corn into another pot, setting it on another burner.

I was quiet as I walked back to the table and stood in front of the box, fishing through it for a moment. I dropped a dress magazine onto the table, and she looked toward it and hesitated, hurriedly tossing the empty cans into the trash bin. I dropped a florist's catalog on top of it as she put the can opener away. Fabric samples followed as she wiped down the counter. And when she finally turned to me, I picked up the notebook once again, and flipped it open.

"Just some magazines and things, hm?" I asked, pointing at the covers of the books I'd laid out.

She reached for the fabric samples, trailing her fingers over them for a moment before looking into my slightly angry gaze. "Yeah."

"So the thought of us getting married is… how'd you say it? 'Nothing important, really'?" I asked, my voice cracking a little in disbelief.

"I didn't say that," she murmured quietly, setting the samples down as she reached for the notebook in my hands.

"Well, that's what it sounded like to me."

She shook her head. "It sounded to me like I said the magazines and stuff weren't important."

"Yeah, well, how the hell are you supposed to plan a wedding without them?!" I asked, a bit more loudly than I'd planned.

She just shrugged, staring down at the various scribbled engagement announcement plans in the notebook.

"Did you even send those out? Do people even know we're supposed to be getting married, yet, Rikku?" I asked, the hurt in my voice surprising me.

"The important people know. I was about to send the announcements out when you started acting strange. So I decided it would be better not to send them." Her tone was flat, now, her eyes carefully devoid of emotion.

I stared back at her. "So I started acting funny and you stopped planning?"

"No. You started avoiding me. You started getting edgy, and you started getting addicted to your job, which is really saying something seeing as you were always busy with work in the first place." She dropped the notebook heatedly on the table, turning back toward the stove to stir the contents of the pot. "It wasn't like you were helping me plan it, or anything. Like you even noticed when I said I wanted to talk about it. One conversation, Gippal, that's the most we've talked about it since you proposed. One conversation about the wedding in three months of being engaged. You didn't notice I'd put all the stuff away until now… So what was I supposed to think?"

I was silent as I watched her stirring furiously, her back to me. Silent, because she was right, and I didn't know what to say.

"It's hard, you know… I have no idea what's going on right now. Why should I even get my hopes up about marrying you if I don't even know if it's happening? It's better left alone." She shook her head as she checked on whatever was baking in the oven, going about the business of finishing dinner as if the conversation wasn't anything important. "It's better left in that box until you figure out what you want." Maybe the only way she could keep it from hurting was by pretending it wasn't important.

"Figure out what I want?" I asked quietly, finally sitting down so that I wouldn't be tempted to turn her towards me. If she didn't want to look at me, I wouldn't force her.

"You've got children. And they're much more important than marriage." Her voice wasn't so flat now. It was more like a mixture or dread and jealousy, neither of which had ever been so thick in her voice that it changed it. Made it lower, more gravelly - made it less… Rikku.

"But I want you. I know that already, I've known it for years. I want to marry you, I want a family with you."

"But the family isn't just with me, Gippal. You've got Adena to think about, too." I didn't like the dead sounds emerging from her mouth, words so devoid of hope…

"I don't want Adena. She's not my family. The baby… yes. But she's just it's mother, Rikku. Nothing more. I'm in love with _you_. You're my family." I could practically taste the sincerity on my tongue, and I hoped she heard it, too. "We'll figure something out for the baby, but… I want you, Rikku. You and only you."

She stopped stirring now, leaning heavily against the counter as she flicked the burners off. "I really… I can't talk about this right now." She looked at me with tears in her bright green eyes.

I stood up and walked toward her, picking up the notebook once more as I did so. "Rikku… we need to talk about this. I'm telling you the truth, okay? I know what I want. And I don't know what to do about the situation with Adena and the baby, but we'll figure something out. It'll all be okay, you know? We..." I struggled to come up with something to say to her, something that had meaning. "…we're Al Bhed. We can adapt to anything." I brushed her hair off her shoulder, knowing that it had sounded much more stupid than I'd planned.

She turned to me and buried her face in my neck as I wrapped my arms around her frame, holding her tightly. Her tears burned as they fell against my neck, and I smoothed her hair, whispering comfortingly in our native language to soothe her.

I was so wrapped up in our embrace and her tears of relief and pent up anger that I jumped when the timer went off on the oven. Reluctantly, I let her go, watching as she wiped at her eyes with the oven mitts before pulling the baked pasta out of the oven and setting it on top of the stove to cool. She was calm as she separated the dish into portions, as I watched her put some of the pasta and the vegetables onto two plates.

I watched as she sat down at the table, across from where I'd been sitting, and distractedly glanced at the box full of bridal magazines as she stabbed the pasta with her fork. I followed, reaching out for her hand. "Riks… I'm sorry. I should have helped with the planning and I should have been more interested. I was just so concentrated on keeping you happy by not telling you about Adena that I just… I stopped caring about everything except what was happening right then, you know? This wedding is important, Riks, to me and to you, and I never wanted this to happen, you know? I know things have been screwed up, but I never wanted you to feel like you had to pack all the plans in a box and hide it away. I'm _so_ sorry."

She dropped the fork onto the plate, fresh tears coming to her eyes. I swiftly moved around the table and wrapped her in my arms again, a little bit shocked because she wasn't usually a crying mess, even about the important things. She wasn't the typical girl who dissolved into tears constantly. But then again, she _was _pregnant, and she'd been holding the emotion in for so long...

"Your hand is swollen," she muttered, pulling back slightly to examine it. She sniffled as she ran her fingers over my puffy red knuckles, pressing here and there, pulling back when I whined. "You broke it last time you got really angry at me," she said, looking up at my face as even more tears rolled down her cheeks. I could see the question in her eyes: 'are you really angry again'?

I sighed and kneeled next to her chair, resting my injured hand in her lap. It hurt… but not enough for me to notice. "It was an accident. I dropped Telan's pacifier and it rolled under the bed… stuck my hand under and smacked it on the supporting leg… it's not broken again, I don't think, it only stings a little." She looked down at the floor, but I pulled her chin up to look at me again. "I was mad when I found them, a little. And kind of freaked out that you were gonna take that ring off your finger… but I didn't understand, that's all. I get it now. I understand why you put everything away." I gave her a tiny grin, ducking my head a bit to see her face. "You okay? You're cryin' an awful lot… and that's okay, I just…"

She nodded, reaching up to wipe at her face. "Every little thing sets me off, lately." She grinned weakly back. "Are you sure your hand is okay?"

I grinned. "Mmhmm… and you're sure you're okay?" She nodded her head again. "Well… we talked. And we can get planning again now. There's a lot to decide, and I'm going to make sure I help you this time."

"I don't even want to plan," she said thickly through her tears. "Yuna kept trying to get me to do something huge, and I don't want to. I just want something nice and quiet. Something little. I don't care about stupid traditional stuff. And I don't care what kind of flowers look good together, can't I just pick one kind and be done with it? And all the dresses… I don't even know what to pick, I won't fit in half of them soon anyway. And if we wait until after the baby is born… we'll have to wait until it's at least as old as Telan is now, because she'll stay with other people without fussing now, and a new baby won't. It's just too much to think about unless it's small. Yuna's expecting us to have this big foofy ice cream cake kind of ceremony and I just don't want it!" She took a deep breath as she stopped talking and reached for my hurt hand a little guiltily, as if sorry for changing the subject and rambling. I didn't mind. She sounded like she'd wanted to say all of this for a long time, and in the light of everything else that had occurred, had remained silent.

I smiled a little as I brushed her tears off her cheeks, glad for her outburst, because her voice was back to normal now, not filled with malice and uncertainty. It was overwhelmed and frustrated, but still relieved, and she sounded like herself once more. "We'll do whatever you want, Cid's girl…" I said soothingly. "Something little, just the people we want. No foofy ice cream cake ceremonies. It's all going to work out, you'll see, it'll be just fine." I knew we weren't okay, yet. Not all the way. But things were getting better.

"Thank you for coming home early," she whispered, hugging me tightly as she sniffled against my shoulder once more.

"You're welcome," I whispered softly back. "Anytime."

* * *

_Hey guys... thanks so much for waiting for these updates for so long, I really appreciate it! This chapter was hard work to get out, but... I did it! I spent alot of time on it, and I hope you enjoy! I'm back for my second year of college now, so for the next few weeks I probably won't be updating (but that's nothing new, right?). Please read and review, the more feedback I get, the more inspired I get... and no, that's not one of those "I'll only post another chapter if you review this many times" things. Which are stupid. ANYWAY... Thanks soooo much for being patient, and I really hope you like the chapter! Thanks **FairyIce** for fantastic editing and helpfulness and just like... fantastic everything._


	17. Locked Some Fire Away

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 17: Locked Some Fire Away**_

* * *

"You called?" I stared at her from the entryway of the shop, taking a few steps closer to the worktable she sat at. She was writing distractedly in the sales ledger, checking price listings from a chart beside her. During a momentary pause, she glanced up at me, flexing her fingers around the pen. Her knuckles were white, as if she's been holding it too tightly. 

"I called." She sighed, looking back into my cool gaze a bit sheepishly. "I- well… I… I've got a question."

"I came all the way here for a question?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, my tone a bit biting. "You could have just asked me over the CommSphere." I had a lot to get done before the storm rolled in that evening… I could have been working while I was wasting time coming to the Moonflow to answer a simple question. _I could have just said no_, I thought to myself. But for some reason, I hadn't wanted to. For some reason, I'd agreed without questioning my reasons for doing so.

"Gippal would have been lurking in the background when he found out it was me on the phone, and I'd rather talk about it in person. Without the protective lurking thing." Adena reached down to close the ledger, looking a bit reluctant. I glanced down at her swollen belly uncertainly as her eyes traveled to my own slightly extended abdomen. Together, we silently considered what was coming between us. Together, we silently met each others eyes once more. I took a deep breath.

"Alright. Well, we're in person now." I shifted uncomfortably where I stood. "And he's not lurking." Talking to her was only a little bit easier now. Still uncomfortable in many ways.

"You can sit down, you know," she said, noticing my weight-shifting. I reached stiffly in front of me to pull the stool out from beneath the counter.

"You can cut to the question, now…" I mumbled under my breath.

She ignored me. "Where's Telan?" she asked, an attempt at small talk.

"Do you remember Karaa?" I answered hesitantly, taking a seat on the stool. "She was new when we were working together, I think."

"Vaguely. Dark hair, yeah? Really petite?"

"Yeah. She's one of the training mechanics now, and Gippal's secretary…"

Adena grinned a bit, leaning forward. "I thought that was your job."

"I don't really have a specific job. I'm sorta like Gippal, I do everything," I said, trying to make myself more comfortable. Trying to puff up my self-esteem. "Anyway, Karaa jumped on the opportunity to baby-sit, so she's got Telan right now."

She nodded, fiddling with the pen cap as a distraction. "That's good that you've got someone who's willing to take her like that."

"Yeah. I don't like to leave her often, but it's probably good that she's used to staying with other people on a short notice." I glanced around the shop, which was devoid of customers due to the incoming storm. "So why don't you want Gippal lurking?" I asked casually, leaning toward her with interest.

"Because I've got this feeling that he still doesn't want to talk about the baby. And I'd rather make sure he won't get angry that I called you up to talk, instead." She shrugged, giving me a tired smile.

"Don't worry about him," I said, feeling momentarily sympathetic. "If he tells you off, I'll tell him off. You don't need that." I bit my lip as soon as the words escaped me, shocked at myself for actually saying the words even though I knew they were true. Then I gave her a tiny grin.

"Thanks, Rikku," she said softly. "It's just that I don't have anyone here, really. And you're the only one I know of who's gone through this whole thing already…"

"I get it. You don't have to explain." I took a deep breath, making myself a bit more comfortable on the stool. Trying to imagine that it wasn't Gippal's other baby that we were going to talk about, because for some weird reason, not thinking about it made me feel better. "So, what's going on?"

She glanced at me gratefully before looking down at the table top. "It… well it's not moving around as much as usual. It's been that way for about two days… I didn't think much of it, but it's just-"

I nodded. "-weird not to feel it once you get used to it."

She sighed heavily, meeting my eyes again. "Yeah."

"But everything feels okay, right? Nothing feels _wrong_? Its just not as squirmy as usual."

"Right."

"Okay. Well… count how many times you feel it moving all day. If it's less than about fifteen, then I'd say you should go to the doctor tomorrow just in case. But if nothing feels wrong, you should be fine. The baby might just be tired, or sitting in a different position than you're used to." I bit my lip again, realizing how old saying all of this made me sound.

"So you think the baby is okay?" she asked, her voice sounding a bit relieved, but also a bit regretful. I chose to ignore the second emotion.

"Most likely. Telan used to have her little mood swings all the time. Sometimes they just don't feel like moving, they get comfortable."

"Okay. That – that makes me feel a little better," she said with a slight grin. "I was starting to worry…"

I shrugged. "Well, that's a good thing. It's good to be on your guard." With a glance around the store, I grinned at her. "You should shut the store down for the day and go rest. Take a lazy day."

She nodded with a guilty little grin. "Yeah, I was thinking about it. All the transport ships have been told not to come to port, anyway, and the ferries aren't running."

"Exactly. Lazy day." We laughed lightly for a moment, the sound echoing in the empty store, making me think of memories I would have rather left dusty and unnoticed. She caught my eyes as the giggling died down, smiling softly.

"Thanks for coming, Rikku… it means a lot to me."

"You're welcome," I answered, shrugging as I suppressed the urge to say 'any time' as I normally would have done. "It means a lot that you asked."

"Well, I want you to be involved, too, y'know? I might not…" she paused. I stared at her quizzically for a moment. With a shake of her head and a flap of her hand, she smiled again. "You're handling this much better than I thought you would."

"Well, we're all trying, and it's hard. But I think we're doing okay, for now." I attempted to smile back. "And just so you know…" I paused for a moment, forcing myself to say the words that caused my chest to ache a little. "I think Gippal wouldn't mind talking about the baby now. He never got to do that with Telan, you know? It's his kid, he'll be excited about it. He'll take interest. It'll be his first time through all this weird pregnancy stuff. You should talk to him about it."

She nodded with a frown. "But I want him to get involved with _your_ new baby, too. You deserve that. Neither of you got to go through it together the last time, you should have all your firsts this time around. You're going to be with him for the rest of your life, you know? That's important stuff."

I nodded, biting my lip hard to keep myself in that understanding mode, because she was there, she was on that wavelength, and I couldn't get all weepy on her. Couldn't show my weaknesses when I was trying so hard to put on a strong front. "We will. But you deserve it, too. We'll have the firsts with our baby. You'll have the firsts with yours. He'll just get double the firsts, that's all."

We were quiet as we nodded, comfortable in one another's presence for the moment, neither of us mentioning the doubt in her expressions or the remorse in mine.

* * *

I walked through the mud, staring at the crossroads ahead. _Every time I go to see her… it always ends in rain._ Puddles scattered along the road, filling recent tire tracks, filling deep gouges in the hard-packed dirt. Murky little pools, full of oil from passing hovers, full of dead matter from the surrounding plants… murky water, once clear, now grounded and impure, now polluted with particles of clay, pieces of filth, the presence of a passersby long gone. _Why does it always end with rain?_

The fact that it was always the season of rain in Djose wasn't really relevant. That rain was always different when I left Adena. Either soft and gentle, so light it could barely be called rain, so light it made me question the heaviness in my chest, or violent and unsteady, unsteady like my heartbeats when I was trying to hold it all in, violent like my anger, violent like my urge to let it all out…

But I couldn't, I was restrained, restraining myself, restrained like the rain as it struggled in spurts to plunge from the swollen clouds to the already soaking earth. Struggled to make the ground that much more wet, that much more nourished. I was holding myself down. Placing straps around my shoulders, over my eyes and my mouth, around my legs – all to keep myself from turning, to keep myself from speaking, to keep myself from running away. Because I loved running. Things went wrong, and I ran. I plunged away, plunged like the raindrops from a violent cloud. But today, I was making the effort to change that. To not run. To be as restrained as the raindrops in an uncertain cloud.

Double the firsts, I'd said. And why had I said that? How would it benefit me? Why? What was there for me in double the firsts?

_Nothing_. There was nothing in it for me. But for my relationship, for my children, for my lover… there was everything. Support in all directions… except for mine. All directions except up, because I felt like I was standing above the situation, looking over it like the cloud, like the cloud was restraining the bits of itself that were longing to get away, yearning to take a long fall, hoping to hit the ground hard, needing to settle in a puddle full of murk just to lose itself for awhile.

Double the firsts. _"You're handling this much better than I thought you would." _Couldn't show – can't show my weaknesses. _"You're going to be with him for the rest of your life, you know? That's important stuff."_ Double the firsts. Weight-shifting on an uncomfortable stool. _"You're handling this…"_

And as I reluctantly turned the corner, taking the road to the left as the road to the right called out to me, reached for me, begged for me to run… I let out a sigh instead of a scream, a compromise instead of a refusal. At least it always ended in rain. At least that much was predictable.

"_You're handl-" _No. I'm not.

* * *

Coming home early had become a sort of standard since I'd managed to do it the first time. I put Telan down for her nap, helped with dinner… sometimes I brought work home and relaxed with Rikku as I finished it. Talked about Telan, the new baby, talked about the wedding…

And while I loved being a so-called family man, with my kids and my girl, and my house and my job – I couldn't remember the last time Rikku and I had had a conversation that didn't have something to do with the unit. Couldn't remember the last time she'd been not only my girl but my best friend. Couldn't remember the last time we'd just talked about something random, without the shadow of Adena just out of reach.

The raindrops sounded a bit louder for a moment as the front door opened. I heard her sigh as she closed it, listened as the lock clicked into place. Everything was quiet for a long moment, and I glanced in the direction of the entryway with concern. Finally, she sighed again and began to move around. I could hear the rustle as she hung her jacket in the entry closet and pulled her boots off to let them dry. "Anyone here?" she called out, her voice soft.

"In here," I answered, flicking the switch on the stove. I stepped over to the sink and poured the pasta into the strainer, grinning at her through the steam. "Where've you been all day, stranger?" I asked calmly, shaking the strainer a bit to get all of the water out.

She walked over to me as she adjusted her sweatshirt, looking skeptically at the sauce on the stove. "You're cooking?" she asked, her tone a bit disbelieving.

"You sound so shocked." I laughed lightly, tugging on her sleeve a bit. "I _am _capable of making a decent meal, thanks so much."

"Yeah, I just… I just wasn't expecting to come home to you cooking, that's all."

I watched her closely as I pulled the strainer out of the sink and poured the pasta back into the pot. "Where are you coming home from, hm?"

She shrugged and gave me a tiny, somewhat distracted grin. "Oh, you know… around." She glanced around the kitchen before giving me a quizzical look. "Telan's sleeping already?"

I shrugged. "I dunno, Brother offered to take her for the night. I hope she's not giving him a hard time already."

"He offered to take her?!" she asked, her voice confused. "Are we… going somewhere? Or something?"

I shook my head, pouring the sauce over the top of the pasta. Pointing the wooden spoon at her for a moment, I winked. "Nope. But apparently there's a good movie on the sphere tonight, and I thought that we could have a nice quiet night in. And I even made dinner."

She leaned against the counter, watching me stir the sauce into the pasta with a slightly vacant stare. I frowned a bit. I'd been trying to do something nice, something that would cheer her up and make her familiar glow come back, if only for a little while. "Anyone in there?" I asked, waving my hand in front of her face. She blinked rapidly, meeting my eyes for a split second before pushing my hand away. With a small smile, she reached into the cabinet and took down two plates.

"I want a lot, it looks good."

"Of course it does."

"Well, you know, you made it, so that's quite a feat…" She grinned at me as I scooped some of the spaghetti onto her plate, making sure it was an extra-large helping.

"Hey now… I cook well enough. Better than you, sometimes."

She raised an eyebrow at me as she reached into the bread box and walked over to the refrigerator to grab the butter. "You're in dangerous territory, boy."

I held my hands up with a shrug. "I only speak the truth."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. But mine always looks good, even if it doesn't taste the best." She winked as she spread a hearty mound of butter over a slice of bread, setting it on the side of my plate when she was done. "How many do you want?"

"Four?" She nodded. "And… you have a point." I set the cover on top of the pot to keep the leftovers warm with a sigh.

"I win!" she chirped, her vacant look of a few moments ago quite forgotten. And I wondered what she'd been thinking about. But this was supposed to be a good night. A happy, calm, relaxing night.

"No, you don't! It's not a competition…" I mumbled, pretending to be grumpy as she set the last few slices of bread on my plate.

"I still win."

I sighed in faux frustration as I leaned in and pecked her cheek, tickling her side at the same time. I chuckled as she curled up against the tickling with a squeal, sustaining the motion for a few more seconds before stopping to make sure she didn't drop the butter knife on her foot. "I'll let you win, just this once, how 'bout that?"

"I'll let you think you let me win just this once, how 'bout _that_?" she retorted, teasing a bit.

"Ooh, feisty. I like that." I took my plate over to the table, grinning widely. For a moment I scanned it… should I have put candles out, or would that have been way too cheesy? Would she have liked it or would she have thought I was trying too hard? Probably the second option, in both cases…

"I know you do," she said, sitting across from me at the little table. She took a bite of her bread and chewed thoughtfully, glancing out the window at the rain. We were quiet for a few minutes as we ate. I got up to pour some juice, handing her a glass with a grin. She took it, nodding a thank you as she worked on a mouthful of pasta.

"You were hungry," I said just to start the conversation up once more, watching the mound of spaghetti on her plate as it decreased in size.

She nodded, setting her fork down for a moment to take a sip of her juice. "I forgot to eat lunch… this is really good, Gippal, thank you so much."

"You're welcome. Why'd you forget lunch? That's not good, Cid's girl." I clucked my tongue at her in a joking manner, though I was serious. Pregnant women shouldn't forget to eat.

"I was busy," she said softly, shrugging as she looked out the window again. "You think Telan's gonna be okay without us in the storm tonight?"

"Don't worry, Brother knows how to handle her. She'll be happy as a clam." I reached for her hand and shook it lightly, grinning reassuringly. "No more forgetting lunch, okay?"

She nodded absently, shivering as lightning flashed through the sky. "Did you know they canceled all the boats into the river ports for the next two days? We might have to shut down the business again…"

I waved my hand around lightly. I didn't really want to talk about these things tonight. Not at all. "I've already set it on half staff… only the people who live around here will be working until it passes. And I already took care of all the phone calls about delays and all of that." I reached across the table for her fingers, brushing them lightly before I picked up the salt shaker. "So, movies… the good one I heard about is a comedy, but I'm sure we can find something else if you're not in the mood for comedy tonight. Horror? Documentary? I'll even be happy with one of those girlie romance ones, but it's a limited time offer…" I winked.

She gave a small shrug. "It doesn't really matter…" She took another large bite of pasta, chewing thoughtfully. "What's the occasion, anyway? We never just sit down and watch the sphere, anymore."

I winked again, glad that she'd taken the bait and followed my subject change. "That's precisely the occasion, love."

She grinned at me despite the lingering suspicion in her gaze. "If there's more bad news to break you should just break it, you don't have to butter me up first."

Normally, I would take a huge amount of offense to that statement. Even now, an angry tingle worked its way up my spine, but I did my best to ignore it. Instead, I thought for a moment… was I only thoughtful enough to cook and plan a nice night when I had bad news? When I had to say something a little less than pleasant?

"There's no bad news. And I'm not buttering. I just want to have a quiet night alone with my girl. Is that such a horrible thing?" I hoped my voice sounded teasing rather than hurt.

She was quiet for a moment, staring at me uncertainly. Then, she finished off her helping as if we hadn't just been in risky conversational territory. "No, not such a horrible thing. Just not normal, lately, that's all."

"Yeah, I know, but I've been attempting-" I started, the hurt leaking into my voice despite how much I tried to keep it out, despite how much I tried to hold the words in to avoid an argument.

"Shush," she said rather abruptly, reaching across the table to squeeze my hand before she got up. "I know." She pointed at my plate, cocking an eyebrow. "You finished?" I shook my head no, and she stood up shortly. "You want seconds?" I shook my head again, and she nodded before walking over to the sink.

I watched as she unceremoniously dumped her plate inside the sink and turned to the leftovers on top of the stove, reaching up into the cabinet for a bowl to place them in. She placed the cover on the still steaming bowl of pasta, sighing heavily as she carried it to the refrigerator. I glanced back to my plate, eating quietly and quickly so that we could get out of the kitchen more quickly. Sometimes I didn't understand kitchens. The one room in each house where everyone came together to share meals… it was supposed to be a happy room, right? Most of the time it was. Other times, it was the place where people went when they needed a good cry, the place where people fought, where they cooked away to vent some unspent anger. A room where emotions swirled and lingered, hid in the corners. Even tonight, in such a short time, we'd been through confusion, teasing, happiness, slight anger and upset… I couldn't really make sense of it. I decided that it must be a bizarre kitchen thing as I stood up to put my plate in the sink as well.

She had pulled out another bowl, full to the brim of dessert, and I grinned a bit, hoping this would end the little kitchen-y round of weirdness that had just taken place. Make it a happy, proverbially sunny room once again, with a sunny atmosphere.

She grinned at me, and I was glad to see that the suspicion in her gaze was gone. "You made pudding, too?"

"Nope, it just appeared magically. Because that lovely appliance there heard-tell that you were craving pudding this morning," I said, indicating the still open refrigerator as I leaned past her to close the door. She rolled her eyes at me as she pulled the cover off the bowl. "Yes, I made pudding, too. Because _I_ heard that you were craving pudding this morning from a little bird named Karaa who heard from a little birdie intern. I hope you're still craving it, because if not, I went through all the trouble of learning to make it from scratch for absolutely nothing."

She reached into the cabinet for two regular bowls. "It's vanilla…"

My eyes widened a bit as I sighed heavily, scratching the back of my neck. _It's the thought that counts, right?_ "I, uh… shoot, I guess I wasn't thinking. I mean, girls like chocolate, usually, right? I just know you like vanilla and I didn't even think about choclatey-ness, and… well, at least I tried? Do I get points for trying? It didn't even cross my mi-"

I went silent as a cold, slimy something hit me in the face. She laughed, twirling the now empty spoon of pudding in her fingers. "Shush," she said again, grinning as I moved closer to her, reaching up to wipe the pudding off my cheek with a disbelieving expression. "I know. You get points for trying, and you get points for knowing that I prefer vanilla to chocolate any day. So stop rambling."

I grinned as I stuck my now pudding drenched finger into my mouth, thinking to myself that I hadn't done that badly after all. I pulled the spoon from her fingers and began to serve the pudding into the little bowls, glancing at her only momentarily before scooping some out of the bowl with my fingers and smearing it all over her face.

She squealed loudly as I laughed, and smacked me on the shoulder. I turned and ran for the other side of the kitchen as she took her own scoop from the bowl and took aim. I wasn't fast enough… with a satisfying _splat_, pudding ran through my hair, dripping onto my shoulders as I stood erect with disgust at the texture.

And it wasn't long until we were chasing each other around the kitchen, drenched in pudding and laughing so hard we were out of breath. _Yep_, I thought as we leaned on each other, wiping pudding-mixed-tears from our eyes as we continued to laugh. _It's a weird kitchen thing._

* * *

We sat on the couch, our hair still damp from the shower, wrapped up in blankets as we calmly ate what was left of the pudding. While waiting for the comedy he'd been talking about to come on, we'd flipped past a special called _Summoners of the Past_. He'd insisted that we watch for awhile. When they started flashing through pictures of Yuna's party, I looked down at my pudding with disinterest as he stared intently at the many photos that had been taken by civilians or undercover reporters.

"You look really pale in that one," he said, pointing toward the corner of the screen. I glanced up for a moment, contemplating the image for a moment before realizing where we were. The Highbridge… Wakka, Tidus and I were soaking wet as we ran with Yuna and the others toward salvation.

"Yeah, we'd just gotten out of the Via Purifico… I got messed up by these weird cannibal fishies that were down there, and then once we got out, Seymour tried to kick our butts, so that didn't really help… can we look for the movie now?"

"We've still got twenty minutes."

"Okay, let's watch something else, then."

"Nuh-uh." He squinted as a new picture came over the screen… Tidus and Yuna walking in the center, the rest of us walking in a wide circle around them as we traveled through the Calm Lands. "You've got your protective face on."

"Ugh, change it!" I groaned closing my eyes and leaning my head against his shoulder.

"I like knowing where you were and when… it's nice… oh, see, while you were in Gagazet, I was back in the hospital because I was having really bad complications with my incredibly sexy gunshot wound."

I blinked up at him, sighing heavily. "Was that when you had to have surgery because of the shards of the bullet?"

"No, that was a few days after you guys mutilated Sin. I got to watch Yuna's little speech on the sphere while I was in recovery." He grinned cheekily, offering me a spoonful of pudding. I took it, closing my eyes as I savored the taste and continued to ignore the historian's voice as it droned on from the sphere. He'd done a good job on the pudding… on the whole dinner, in fact. He'd distracted me from everything else, which, I think, was his goal.

"Okay, well, now that you know where I was and when, you can change it."

"I don't _want_ to," he whined, hugging me tightly around the middle as he watched the program. I glanced up momentarily, groaning when pictures of the Celsius started to flash before my eyes.

I lunged forward for the remote, laughing in triumph as he tried to swipe it out of my hands. "Now they're going to start doing all that recent history speculation stuff, and I don't want to hear it. We're changing it now. See look, there's a picture of _you_ all beat up right after Vegnagun. You like your pride being wounded while the whole world watches you grimace in pain?"

He groaned and buried his head in my neck. "You have a point… okay… change it."

And I scrambled to do so before they started talking about current events, because I really didn't want to know if the media had word about our predicaments yet, and I really didn't want to know what they would say about it all if they did.

I finally found the movie channel, which was showing a preview for the comedy we were about to watch, and I settled back against his chest, getting comfortable as I tossed the remote out of reach. He scoffed in protest, leaning to the side to reach it, and I kicked him lightly, holding up a spoonful of pudding for him. "No channel surfing during commercials, mister, I know you too well to let you have that thing back."

He chuckled as he licked the pudding off the spoon, and I smiled up at him. And it was nice, this night in, just the two of us, without our problems and the greater issues of our lives having to be involved.

* * *

I groaned as I heard the CommSphere go off, pushing myself out of bed instantly because it might be Brother calling about Telan. I hesitated by the door, a bit unsteady and disoriented from the sudden movement, and I glanced back at Gippal, who was sleeping soundly, shivering a bit as the cool air hit his bare skin. With a sigh, I moved quickly back to the bed, covering him up and grabbing a thin blanket from the foot of the bed to cover my own bare body.

I closed the door behind me so that the noise of the CommSphere wouldn't wake him. With a sigh, I sat down in a recliner and picked up the sphere, pressing the button to allow the call to connect.

Adena's face appeared in the sphere, and I bit my lip, my forgotten anxieties of that afternoon returning. I was a little bit shocked to see her face again so soon… but at the same time, I knew that somehow, I'd been expecting it.

She gestured at my blanket. "I… I didn't interrupt anything, did I?" she asked tentatively. Her voice shook with nerves, and my brow furrowed with confusion. Why would she call this late, anyhow? Sure, she could try to avoid Gippal this way, but…

"Just sleep, but… it's fine. What's wrong?" I asked, wincing as I mentally slapped myself. Why was I unable to disconnect, to get back to my bed and my fiancé and forget about her all over again?

"I… I still don't feel right. And I need to get to Bevelle to make sure nothing is wrong, but all the transports are down…" She looked away, and I could tell that she was embarrassed to have to call me about the issue. "I didn't have anyo- I just… I don't want to tell him, I don't want to scare him. And I don't want to risk him not being scared at all, you know?" I bit my lip, because for some reason, that statement made me feel guilty.

"Yeah."

"But you think everything's okay?" she asked, avoiding my eyes.

I nodded. "Yeah, I said so earlier… I think it's fine. But if you don't feel right, you should get to your doctor, just in case."

"…do you think the Thunder Plains will still have transports running?" she asked quietly.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes, glancing at the bedroom door. "I don't know. Call the Travel Agency and ask… if not, then - well, I can try to borrow the airship from my brother, but I don't know if that will work. If you have to, the infirmary doctor here at the temple is pretty good, I'm sure he could help, somehow." I felt like I was trying to be her friend again, and at the surface level, it sickened me that I could even think of it. But underneath, I was a little bit proud that I _could_ try.

"You don't have to try to get the airship, that's way too much trouble… I just – I'll just come to the infirmary doctor. But I still don't want Gippal to know, not unless something is wrong. He's not as stressed out, lately, right?"

"Right," I murmured in response.

She nodded decidedly. "Then I won't make him stressed out again." She gave me a tentative smile - it came out as more of a grimace. I'm sure my own return attempt wasn't much better. "I'll call after he leaves for the temple in the morning, okay?"

I nodded and reached for the button once more, breaking off the call. I placed my head in my hands in confusion, blocking out the light as I tried to block out everything else, again. Absently, I noticed that the rain was falling heavy on the rooftops.

* * *

_Happy Belated Holidays! Please review... I've started the next chapter, hopefully I'll have enough inspiration to get it done this week. Thanks guys!_


	18. There Are Bridges You Cross

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 18: There Are Bridges You Cross**_

* * *

_There was this one time when I thought I had everything figured out. When I thought I had all my priorities straight, all my philosophies formed… when I thought that all of my beliefs were steady and solid and permanent. There was this one time when someone told me "that's the way the world is, kid" and I listened – I thought the world was only one way for as long as I could remember. _

_There was this one time when I wondered why some of my friends were trying to convince me that the world was a whole lot more ways than one, why they had everything all mixed up and higgledy-piggledy in their heads. Why I was suddenly feeling so conservative in a land full of liberals._

_There was this one time that I realized that I'd always thought I was different than the rest of the world. That I realized that I thought just the same as everyone else, breathed just the same, lived just the same with breath in my lungs and feeling in my heart. _

_And then there was this one time when I knew I had nothing figured out. I had priorities and back-up plans, hopes and dreams. I had beliefs, but they were liable to change… and I realized just how many ways there were in the world. Too many to count, really. _

_I'd been capturing summoners, interfering with their journeys because I believed in something different and more tangible than they did, interfering because that's the way my world was and I thought it was right. I got my butt kicked one day, and I ended up becoming a guardian. _

_After that, there were a lot of times when I knew I'd never have anything figured out, not really. A lot of times when I thought about growing up and what it does to you… started looking at all the different paths in front of me because I was finally aware that they were there to explore. Finally aware that they didn't only lead one way._

* * *

She called me in the morning, right as I was sliding Telan into her footie pajamas because it was cold out and she was grumpy – I didn't want her to have to deal with real clothes when she was grumpy. Gippal was gone, just as she'd planned. Kind of like what I'd done, she said, when I'd left the first time. I didn't think so, but I'd let her think it if it made her feel better about sneaking around behind his back.

She was going to travel by hover, since the Djose Highroad was the only road that still had limited operations in the area during the storm. She'd be here within the hour. I had to take care of some things before she got here. I didn't want to, because it was the only way to ensure that she could get away with sneaking around behind his back. Because if I helped her, I was sneaking around, as well.

* * *

I stood in front of the doctor's desk, bouncing Telan softly as she whined and chewed on a teething ring. "Someone is on their way here to see you… the worker at the outpost over in the Moonflow settlement? I don't know if you know her…"

"No, I haven't met her, yet." He glanced up at me curiously. I'd already politely refused a seat. I was too jittery to sit.

"Well, you might have met her before… she worked here not too long ago. Adena?"

"Yes, yes… I think I remember her. Sort of looks like you, but her face is more round, and she's taller, correct?"

I nodded. "She's pregnant and she can't get to her doctor in Bevelle because of the storm."

"Bevelle? Ixion! Why would an Al Bhed girl go to Bevelle for medical care?" He glanced up from his paperwork for a moment.

"She – well, it's out of the way, see? And if you don't want someone to find out about your condition in an indirect manner, you… you might choose an out of the way place." I looked away from him, watching Telan chew on her toy so that I didn't have to look at the doctor's expression.

"I suppose," he murmured, setting his pen down. "And why does she need to see me now instead of waiting for the transports to open again?"

"She's worried because she isn't feeling movement as often as she usually does. Says it doesn't feel right."

I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye. "Alright… I'll do what I can. Send her up when she arrives, I don't have anyone else to end to this morning." Telan reached forward with a squeal, pressing her little hand against my cheek. I caught her fingers gently in my lips and she giggled.

"Thank you, sir… could you make sure Gippal doesn't find out she's here?" I asked, my voice trembling a bit. "She – she didn't want to tell him. Not unless something is wrong."

His eyes softened as he stood up and walked around his desk to stand next to me. He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder in sudden understanding, pressing a finger against Telan's little nose as she laughed, blissfully unaware of my unhappiness. "I won't say anything. Not to Gippal, not to anyone." I nodded thankfully, biting my lip. Hard. "Rikku, do you need to talk? This has to be difficult for you…"

I shook my head, still avoiding his kind eyes. "N-no, thank you. I'm fine. I'll-" I sighed as I turned away and nodded, pausing in the doorway. "I'll send Adena up when she gets in."

* * *

I handed the baby to him, barely listening as he rattled off about business meetings. "-oj and I had a conference call earlier to negotiate two more airship docks, like the one in Bevelle, to be constructed at Mushroom Rock and Kilika. It's going to be a huge money maker, I might be able to buy some more properties down in the village. You know, rent them out or let the employees practice their own specialties out of them, and take a percentage out of the earnings as the rental price for the space. I know that intern Karaa's going around with is a really talented artisan, I'm sure we'd make a decent profit out of his iron work. It'd be a win-win situation, I think… _You_ could even use one of the spaces to do all of that forge work you like to do, with the customizations and all of that. And you know a good weapon when you see it… we could even make them, we have enough good quality scrap metal to melt down. We could probably produce some decent alloys with what we've always got in stock. Just think, if you were doing that, you wouldn't be wasting your talent with welding and paperwork everyday… what do you think, Riks?"

I glanced up to catch his eyes and gave him a quick smile. I gestured to Telan distractedly. "So, I'll come and get her before your meeting with the blitzball officials start? Is that alright?"

"Yeah, that's perfectly fine…" I flashed him another quick, fake smile before walking to the door. "Rikku, did you hear a word I just said? About the shops and things?"

I met Gippal's gaze once more, thinking quickly. "Yeah, yeah, sorry… I - well, I think it sounds interesting. It might work."

His expression was uncertain as I opened the door and slid out into the hallway. "We'll – we'll talk later, then…" he said quietly. I nodded before closing the door.

* * *

I met Adena outside, just past the bridges. The hover outpost was still out of sight. "So? What's going on?" I asked as I approached, taking a deep breath of the cool air to calm my nerves.

I didn't know what I wanted to hear. I couldn't hope for something bad… it was Gippal's baby. He wouldn't take bad news lightly. He never spoke to me about the baby – I guess he thought that I didn't want to hear about it. Which was true. But I could still see that there was an attachment there, building slowly. Whenever Adena's name came up, I could just tell. It wasn't an attachment to her, I trusted him on that count.

I couldn't hope for something good, either. I pretended and pretended… but still, I was not okay with the situation. I had not come to terms with the fact that there was this other life forming that had nothing to do with me. And I didn't know why I'd never thought that it was possible for him to be involved with anyone else. It just wasn't a thought that had ever crossed my mind. We were Gippal and Rikku. Everyone had said we were the perfect couple for as long as I could remember. And I guess it had just blossomed in my mind that no matter what, that's the way it would always be. Just Gippal and Rikku. With tiny carbon copies of us running around one day. But carbon copies of _us_. Not of Gippal and someone else. Not of me and someone else. Just _us_.

The air chilled my lungs.

"It's fine. Everything's fine." She stared at the ground, leaning against the side of the cliff behind us as she stared out at the ocean, at the gulls hovering in one spot, riding the winds. "It's just normal, like you said."

I followed her gaze to the ground. "That's… that's good."

"You really think so?" Adena asked, her tone heavy. She kicked at a rock listlessly.

"I – I guess so." The rock came slightly out of her reach, and I stepped on it with my toe for a moment. Pressing it into the dirt. "I don't know." I kicked it back.

She bent down to pick it up, twisting it in her fingertips, staining them red-brown. "I don't know, either. Things would have been easier if-" She paused and twisted the rock some more. Her eyes rose to the ocean once again, the pause stretching into a long and awkward silence.

"He mentioned that he was going to visit you tonight. For supper, I think," I said quietly. A gull cried out as a strong gust threw it out of its stagnant hover. We watched it fight for balance, avoiding the crashing waves below. "He hasn't gone for awhile… that's probably my fault. I'm sorry." And as the gull steadied itself, I couldn't fathom why I was apologizing.

"Don't say you're sorry," she said darkly, finally catching my gaze with a strange emotion in her eye. "He shouldn't have to come to see me at all." She tossed the rock out into the water with a shocking amount of force. "I should be the sorry one."

I leaned against the wall, too. Our shoulders touched, just barely, and I listened to her breathing. Listened as she tried to quiet it, as she bent down and threw another rock and it sped up again. As it turned to quiet sniffling, and then sobbing.

I'd sobbed like that, before, plenty a time. Not for the same reasons. But I knew that all I'd wanted when I sobbed like that was for someone to tell me that everything was going to be okay. Somehow. Her shoulder leaned against mine a bit more heavily, and I knew she wanted the same thing.

I remembered the day she'd whispered comfortingly as I cried into her shoulder. As I admitted verbally for the first time that I suspected I was pregnant. I remembered the day she'd held my hair as I sat on the cold bathroom floor, my hands on the toilet seat to hold me steady. I remembered the day I came back from the doctor and she'd been there, waiting for my solemn nod to confirm my suspicions. I remembered that she'd been the first person I'd gone to when I discovered that I couldn't tell him. And I had the strangest urge to –

I looked over at her, her red-brown stained hands covering her face as she tried to calm herself, as she slid down the wall onto the dirt path, crying into her knees. I did that, too, when I was upset. My stomach knotted and I bit my lip to fight off the moisture in my own eyes. I had to be the strong one.

I kneeled down next to her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. Ran my fingers comfortingly through her hair. She leaned her head into the crook of my neck, her body shaking as I held onto her tightly. "It's gonna be fine, 'dena, it's gonna work out…"

Her muffled voice reached my ears. "I wanted something to go wrong… I wanted this to – to fix everything. I didn't _want_ it to be fine."

I nodded, watching the ocean roll. "I know you didn't."

"I just want it to be over!"

"You've only got a few more months, Adena, and it'll be over. It's not that long, I promise. It'll be over before you know it…"

She clutched me harder. "I don't… I don't mean being pregnant, I just – I just mean _everything_!"

I nodded again, biting my lip harder. "I want it to be over, too."

"… I'm so sorry, Rikku," she sobbed. Her tears trailed down my shoulder, soaking into my shirt. I could feel the day's first drops of rain hitting my back.

"Ssh," I said softly.

* * *

_It's short. But it's a quick update. Happy 2008, everyone! Please leave a review!_


	19. A Thorn in Your Sweet Side

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 19: A Thorn in Your Sweet Side**_

* * *

"_I don't want to grow up," she said to her father, a characteristic pout on her face. Her small fingers brushed her hair away from her face as she sighed in annoyance at the desert wind. "Ever."_

"_Everyone's gotta grow up, Rikku. It's just the way it is. Cactuars, chocobos… everything grows up." The older man looked down at his daughter in amusement. _

"_I'm not gonna. I'm gonna stay a kid forever. Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ev-"_

_He shrugged and kissed her small forehead before he turned around to walk back into the workshop. "Don't waste all your playtime thinking about growin' up, kiddo."_

_She crossed her arms as he walked away, narrowing her eyes as she called after him. "I'll show you, Daddy! I don't wanna grow up, and I'm not gonna!"_

* * *

"These are really big! Are you sure this is what we're supposed to buy? Telan's were smaller than this," I stated uncertainly, holding up a pair of footie pajamas that looked a little too big for a new baby, in my humble opinion. I glanced up at Adena, biting the inside of my cheek for what seemed like the fiftieth time in the past hour. I wasn't the only uncomfortable man in the baby boutique, but I felt like I was the only one who wasn't wrapped around the woman he was with. The only one who wasn't offering some sort of bodily contact while wandering from aisle to aisle and adding items to their shopping bins. "Telan's were _way_ smaller than this."

"Telan was early," she said softly. "They would be smaller, at first, if she was early."

"Well, how do you know that-" I gestured hesitantly to her belly with a shrug "-won't be early, too?"

"I don't. But wouldn't it be better to shop for the more likely situation that it'll be on time rather than preparing for what could go a little bit off course?" Her cool logic made me sigh before I held up the little set of bright blue pajamas to give them another round of consideration. "It's what the lady said was normal newborn size, Gippal. Just call Rikku and ask her if you don't believe me, I'm sure she'll know."

I shook my head absently, folding up the clothing and setting it inside my bin as I reached for a purple pair and a green pair as well. One baby could never have too many pairs of footie pajamas. "I don't want to bother her, she's busy training some interns on weapons customizations so that when she can't work for awhile someone can bring in the extra profit. And I believe you, I'm just used to what Telan had, that's all…"

"What do you think of these?" she asked, holding up a plastic bag full of rolled up, cotton one-piece onesies.

"I think they're a little bit too white. Just asking for spit-up stains. I say these ones," I said, reaching down into the large bin full of onesies for some bright primary colors.

"But we don't know if it's a boy or a girl," she murmured uncertainly as I tossed a few packages into my basket, and a few more into hers for good measure, because one baby could never have too many onesies, either.

"That's why I didn't get pastels. The brighter ones are okay on boys or girls. I think."

"Okay." She shrugged and walked slowly away, turning the corner of another aisle as I stayed behind, sorting through piles of infant clothes all by myself.

And for a moment, I felt a surge of anger, bubbling up my spine like boiling water as I glared at the ground. Anger because I was here, and I was trying, and I'd been trying for a whole day to no avail. Trying desperately to get her to be a little bit excited. Trying to get her to look like she cared, because for some reason, I was here instead of in the office. I was looking over cribs and bassinets instead of looking over charts and delivery schedules. I had set a price limit that would have had other women running as fast as their swollen legs could carry them around the store, grabbing useless items simply because they could waste the money on them. I had made an effort to become involved, to take her to a fancy lunch and to take her shopping in Luca, and to bring her my ideas for names. I was angry because I was doing everything in my power to cheer her up and to help her get a bit enthused about the whole baby situation. And nothing I was doing was working.

And to be honest, I felt a bit emasculated, too. Because no self-respecting man goes ape-shit over really cool new pacifiers, and I did, and she didn't even giggle. I'd publicly robbed myself of my masculinity on many occasions since we'd entered the boutique, and not one laugh had escaped her lips. I knew she was hormonal, but really – a woman who was eight months pregnant should be a little bit excited, or nervous, right? A little bit… something?

I pushed the anger aside and followed her down the aisle. She was leaning heavily against a row of diapers as I approached her, her gaze completely absent as she stared at the packages. I noted that we were alone in the aisle as I walked up to her, and I decided to try that whole bodily contact thing the other men were doing so well with. The whole comforting touch thing that I wouldn't have hesitated to act on with Rikku.

My hand was light upon her shoulder as I squeezed softly, reassuringly. "Hey… you okay? Want to go find somewhere to sit?"

She blinked rapidly, looking back at me and then shrugging out from beneath my hand. "I'm fine, I don't need to sit. I think diapers can wait, right?"

I frowned at the change of subject before I took her shopping bin from her hands to try to relieve her burden a bit. To try to be all chivalrous and honorable. "Yeah… they can wait."

* * *

I heard her walk through the front door. Closed my eyes and listened as she told Telan to play with her toys and to try not to hit her head on the coffee table this time. The kitchen door opened and closed quickly… she must have set something down on the counter. One of Telan's toys sounded off, the calls of excited chocobos echoing through the quiet house. I heard her pause as she noticed the light streaming out of Telan's bedroom. "Gippal?" she called out uncertainly. I didn't have to answer her as she appeared in the doorway.

"I had a little bit too much fun today," I said calmly as I pointed at the corner, where a new crib that matched Telan's rested, full of new accessories and bright onesies and footie pajamas. "If you don't like any of it we'll take it back. I just figured that I was there, and it was time to start stocking up, and there were all these really cool new pacifiers and stuff…"

A strange look crossed her face as she walked into the room and toward the crib. Silently, she picked up a package of burping towels. She glanced at me, and back to the crib. Turned her back to me as she searched calmly through all of the items. I frowned, because she was emotionless. Just like Adena had been. And all day, I'd been counting on Rikku's typical exuberance to cheer me up. "We can take it all back if you want," I said again, quietly.

She picked up the package of burping towels once more, turning to me with a tiny smile on her lips. "We already have plenty of these, you know… so maybe we can take _these_ back. But everything else can stay." I grinned hesitantly, nodding, and her smile grew wide. "You didn't have to do this, Gip."

I shrugged as I patted my lap. Once she tenderly sat, I pulled her closer and set my cheek on her shoulder. "I wanted to. I hoped you'd be happy."

"I am," she said softly, kissing the top of my head. "Thank you." We both paused as Telan squealed excitedly from the living room.

"I'm sorry I didn't wait for you to come with me," I mumbled, taking comfort from her closeness. Breathing in her smell.

"It's okay," she said softly. "We have to wait until we know if it's a boy or a girl to decorate and stuff, and we'll do that together. Besides, you just got the staples, you know? One baby can nev-"

"-ver have too many onesies or footie pajamas." I grinned against her neck, and she laughed lightly.

"Exactly." She quietly ran her fingers through my hair as I held her tight, reaching over for a package of the new pacifiers I'd found. She inspected them quietly while I just wrapped myself around her. "These are way better than the ones Telan has," she said with a grin, tapping the packaging. I nodded and took a deep breath. She stayed quiet, but I felt the tension increasing in her shoulders. "So how'd it go?" she asked after a while, unable to hold the question back any longer.

I sighed heavily. "Can I honestly talk to you about this without you getting upset? Because I want to talk, but I don't want to say anything that makes you sad, either."

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know," she answered, sighing as well.

I was quiet for a few more moments, taking in the clean smell of her hair while I got my thoughts in order. "I missed you today," I said slowly. "I missed you a lot, and I think that's why I decided to buy all of this stuff."

"Did you get the same stuff with Adena?" she said, lifting my head off her shoulder so that she could look at me while we talked.

"Mostly, yes. But I thought the pacifiers were really cool and I got excited about them, and she didn't even care." I groaned a bit, reaching up to rub my forehead. "And I got really excited that they had all this new stuff that was really fun to play with, and I was being an idiot about it to try and cheer her up, and she didn't even care."

A smiled graced Rikku's lips once more. "Did you completely geek out like you did when we shopped for Telan's stroller?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed, frustratedly waving my hand around. "And I even exaggerated to try and make her do something other than frown… I mean, if it were you, you would have been laughing. She just stood there, Riks! It was… I don't know, I guess she was thinking about somewhere else she'd rather be or something. It was horrible." I shook my head and rested it back on her shoulder, resisting when she tried to lift my head again. "I was surrounded by people all day and I was lonely."

"She's still having a hard time with this, too, you know." Rikku shrugged. "It's hard to walk around all day with swollen feet, feeling like a really large balloon that's been inflated to full capacity. And it's hard to walk around knowing that at any moment that whole balloon could pop, because you don't want it to pop unexpectedly if you're not ready. Does that make sense? I don't think she's ready to pop the balloon yet."

"I don't think any of us are," I whispered. She nodded, leaning her head on top of mine. "I just… even if you didn't think I was funny, you would have laughed so that I knew you appreciated the effort. I tried. I tried really hard, today. And she didn't appreciate it at all."

"I appreciate it. For me, and for her. And I appreciate you talking about it with me now, because we haven't really been able to do that. I'm not okay with it, you know that… but I'm glad that you trust me enough to talk about it, now."

I kissed her neck softly as a silent thank you. Stayed quiet for a few more minutes. "She wouldn't even let me feel the baby kicking," I muttered, giving voice to what had bothered me the most. "She wouldn't even let me have that. It's like she doesn't want to acknowledge it herself, and she doesn't even want me to acknowledge it anymore."

"Accepting that it's there is like accepting that it's real. She's scared, Gippal."

"No, she's not, she's not anything! Not scared, annoyed, angry, happy, depressed, nothing. She was like a shell. She was just walking and talking without actually feeling anything." I glanced at Rikku's face.

She was staring at the wall as if she wasn't really seeing it. "I know that… I've felt that."

"But you're not feeling that now. You are scared and annoyed and all of those things all at once, and you walk around like this big ball of feeling that's always changing colors, you know?"

She lifted an eyebrow and smirked. "Did you just call me a big ball?"

I waved my hand at her, appreciating her attempt to lighten the mood. "No, no - you know what I meant."

She pulled my hand away from her waist and set it on the side of her now visible belly. I had a fleeting memory of the day Telan had been born, when I'd first seen her after all those months, much larger than this at eight instead of five months. With a small grin I rubbed her skin lightly. She just pressed my hand down a bit. I looked at her quizzically until I felt a very tiny movement against my fingers. Not too strong… but there.

"She didn't want you to touch her so you could feel the baby, but I've been waiting all day so you could touch me." She grinned softly and looked over at the crib again. "Five and a half months is a long time to wait… Telan started kicking hard enough for other people to feel at about four an a half." She sighed heavily. "And I never got to do this. So feel all you want."

So I did.

* * *


	20. A Minefield I Never Heard Of

_**Journey's End  
**__**Chapter 20: A Minefield I Never Heard Of**_

* * *

"_So, Rikku… do you have to do that stupid thing where they teach you how to breathe right and stuff that's all popular in Luca and Bevelle these days?" Tidus asked, chewing on his apple. _

_I glanced at him as I tossed some lettuce into the salad bowl, watching as Lulu chopped some meat to cook. "I don't _have_ to." I shrugged, breaking a particularly large leaf into smaller pieces. "Why do you say it's stupid?"_

"_Well… breathing is breathing, right? I mean, it's not going to help you at all. It's just going to make you angry and annoyed. Right, Lu?" He glanced up at her as she scooped the meat into a bowl and began on the next piece. _

_She looked back up at him momentarily. "It might. Maybe the breathing is more helpful on a mental level, as a form of distraction? I don't think they're necessary, but those breathing classes are popular for a reason."_

"_I think it has something to do with bonding." I tossed the rest of the lettuce leaves in and started slicing some mushrooms. The sound of the ocean on the beach mingled with the muffled conversations and laughter from the center of the village. I breathed deeply – a form of distraction, as Lulu had said. _

_Tidus threw himself onto the couch, propping his head up with a pillow. "How will the baby bond with you while you're pushing it out? That makes absolutely no sense. Breathing is not bonding."_

"_No… for the parents. You know. Cuddling. Breathing. Being calm. Bonding." With a sigh, I chopped a large mushroom in half. Both of my friends looked at me curiously as the knife landed heavily upon the cutting board. "Luca's too far away, anyway. I think the classes are stupid, too, honestly…"_

* * *

"Did you ever imagine we'd be here now? A few years back, during the pilgrimage? Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, we'd be sitting here? Surrounded by all of this? With all these… these _problems_ that people _shouldn't_ have to deal with?" I wrapped my coat a bit tighter around my body as a cool wind blew through the empty stadium. Yuna was quiet for a moment, but I didn't say anything more. She was going to answer me. She just needed to think about what to say.

I never imagined this. I never thought I would see Bevelle, let alone have friends who lived there and a private suite reserved in the palace that remained untouched save for my very intermittent use. I never thought I would know my cousin well enough to save her. Never thought she would be sitting here next to me, watching her boyfriend coach his very own blitzball team.

I never thought I would love so fully. I was Rikku - a spirited girl who was so defined by her own bubble of happiness that she didn't need to be attached. I never thought I could lose sight of who I was by loving somebody else. I never thought I could lose myself, because my _self_ was so, so strong.

I never thought that I would get the chance to grow up, because I was going to die. That was Spira. Death came quickly, so you died passively, or you died fighting. And I wanted to be one of those that fought for something that I believed in. For one life to be as full as possible until that inevitable end came. For the life of a cousin. For the little pieces of my broken family that remained, a shattered truth which revealed my reality. In all my wildest dreams, I never thought that I would settle. My desire for a large family had been a dream that would never come true, a dream that enriched the tiny bit of life I had left. Time was limited. Happiness was limited.

Yuna turned toward me, her hair waving in the breeze. She just looked at me for awhile, silently appraising my expression with her strange eyes. "I never imagined," she whispered softly, finally breaking the relative silence. "But I dreamed. I yearned for it. For a life of my own." She shrugged. "I never let myself second-guess my decision to become a summoner, because a life of my own wasn't important. I knew that my father became a summoner so that I could have a life. So that I didn't end up like my mom, you know… so I could have the chance to grow up. And I couldn't waste that. I grew up, I saw the world. I saw that hundreds of children would have the chance to live if I died for them. I didn't know what we'd find along the way… I convinced myself that I was doing the right thing. And we did, all of us, but… every night when I went to sleep, I dreamt.

"I saw the life I might have had. Sometimes I was weaving linens back in Besaid. Sometimes I was traveling to see the world. Sometimes I had a family. After I met Tidus, I would dream about watching him play in a big stadium. And when he kissed me in Macalania, I would dream about our wedding and our babies. After I met you, I started dreaming more… extravagantly. I let the dreams go technicolor. I thought about them while I was awake. I'd dream about you and Uncle Cid and Brother finding a way to save me. I dreamt about what would happen if Sin just vanished the same way it always showed up - suddenly. And if it never came back."

She looked at me sharply, then. "I dreamt about having stupid problems, like wondering about what fruit stand to buy breakfast from or which cobbler could make me the best pair of shoes for the cheapest price. And I dreamt about having bigger problems, problems like yours. Problems that weren't about people dying all over the place when there was nothing you could do to stop it. Adena and you and Gippal… the whole situation is only hurting _you_. You and the people close to you. Not hundreds. You know?" She sighed, because it was probably clear on my face that I didn't see it that way. "I never imagined you and I would be sitting here, Rikku. I never imagined that I would get to rock your children to sleep. I never imagined that I would get the chance to see Tidus again. But I dreamt that I would. And everything worked out okay. You dreamt that you could save me, and everything worked out okay." She shook her head. "You're the one who taught me how to dream, Rikku. How to really dream, and how to want something for my own. And somewhere along the way you stopped dreaming. You lost that optimism that made you so _different_." A sigh. "I don't know how to help you dream again. You've got dreams for Telan and for the new baby, but those don't really count. And you've got dreams about what could have been, but what could have been will never be and you need to start realizing that."

I barely processed the tears streaming down my cheeks. I hadn't expected that my simple and somewhat bitter question would have an answer like this one. I hadn't expected the advice hidden within the analysis. "I know I lost it, Yuna, I know. I've just been trying so hard to keep from falling apart that I lost touch…"

"With yourself," she whispered calmly, shifting a sleeping Telan to her other shoulder so she could rest a hand upon my knee. Always comforting me. Always offering answers and explanations even when I didn't deserve them.

We were quiet as the sharp sound of Tidus' whistle echoed back to us from hundreds of different angles around the empty stadium. He turned to wave at us, and Yuna waved solemnly back, standing up to make her way down to the locker room.

"I'm going to get her out of the cold, okay?" she asked, watching me nod as I continued to let the tears roll down my cheeks.

"Thanks Yunie."

She nodded, walking a few steps toward the aisle before pausing. With a deep breath, she turned back to me and pinned her steady gaze upon my faltering one. "Listen, Rikku… I know you're having a rough time, what with the whole mess - you're surviving right now, I get that. Just trying to roll with the punches. When things got hard on the pilgrimage… when I let myself dream about the could-have-been's too much… I tried to find a way to turn it around. Yeah? A way to make sense of it. I was facing death, but I had the opportunity to save people. I got the opportunity to grow as a person because I cared enough about all those people to give myself away for them. I want you to try and think of this as an opportunity, okay? An _opportunity_. Not _just_ an obstacle."

I bit my lip as I watched her walk away, carefully cradling Telan so that I could have some much needed time alone to think.

* * *

I was still sitting there when Tidus called an end to practice an hour later. The baby was kicking and I was getting queasy, and once he arrived the whole situation was so familiar that I thought I'd gone back in time. This time around, though, I wasn't curled up in a ball in some tiny private place on an island - this time he'd found me crying in an empty blitzball stadium with cold stone benches. In a place that somehow managed to make me feel more alone than I'd felt the first time around.

"Hey stranger," he said softly, kneeling in front of me like he had so often back on the island. "Yuna took Telly inside, right?"

I nodded and closed my eyes to stop the tears, turning my face into the light mist that was beginning to leak from the cloud cover.

His well-trained eyes watched me carefully for a few moments, and then he moved behind me on the bench, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. "Put your head back, Riks… the cold will help. Need me to rub your back?"

I shook my head no. "I'm okay."

"No, you're not, you're a nice shade of pale green. Relax, it'll stop… you know you always feel better when you're calm." He pressed his hand to my forehead, shaking his head before rubbing lightly. "You're clammy, missy. I should take you inside…"

"No, no, I'm fine. I want to stay out here a little longer. If you - well, if you don't mind." Because it felt almost normal like this, almost comfortable. And I knew when he squeezed my shoulders a bit tighter that I didn't have to explain why. He already knew.

"How often are you like this, Rikku? Honesty, please."

"Tidus, I-"

"Honesty. Now." But his voice was gentle.

I sighed heavily, breathing in the cold air to settle my stomach. "A lot in the beginning. It just started up again about a month ago. It's not as bad as it was with Telan, really, it's not."

He groaned, leaning his head onto my shoulder. "That's not saying much, Rikku, you were sick almost every day with her until you hit the seven month mark. And then a few weeks later you went into labor. Not good."

"Four times a week, tops. I'm better at handling it this time, it's not as violent. And I'm around six months now. Really, it's better this time."

He began to rub my shoulders anyway, wincing as he felt my tense shoulders. "And is Gippal helping you out?"

I hesitated. He was, of course. He'd relax with me at night and make sure Telan was tucked in before he came to bed. He'd talk to me about baby names and hold me close so he could feel the baby kicking as we slept. His spare moments were spent in drawing floor plans for the new nursery he wanted to add to the house. "Yeah, he just… he's usually at work when I get sick, and at night if I feel bad I just go to sleep."

"Is he still up at the hospital?" he asked softly, kindly.

I bit my lip, bracing myself for that little bit of jealousy that always showed its ugly face when he was with _her_. "Yeah… yeah, he's still there."

He reached down to my face, and it wasn't until he wiped a tear away that I realized I'd started crying again. "I think you should talk to me. We've got nowhere to be… just lots of empty time. And I'm all ears."

"And I'm just a big round mess that leaks around the edges," I whispered angrily, wiping furiously at my face.

He pulled my hands down very gently. "Leaky messes are the best kind."

* * *

Adena spoke to the doctors with a very strange directness, a mechanical quality. I watched her closely, studying her. I'd add in my own essentials when I felt like it was necessary. Mostly, the details I had to add were the humanistic ones. The ones that had nothing to do with machinery, form-signing, and timeframes.

I was more concerned with the baby. Supplying the clothes he or she would come home in, because I vaguely remembered Rikku being very concerned about that before she and Telan had been released from the hospital. Other details, like what would happen in the event that the delivery didn't go as planned. Discussing options like a cesarean birth versus a natural one. All the risky stuff I'd never known about with Rikku and Telan the first time around. All of the risky stuff that didn't even affect Adena as she continued to chat to the doctor about the inconsequential.

Only three weeks left, if she went the whole way. Only three weeks. That was the only time she grimaced, the only time she showed a little bit of emotion. A little look of regret that made me go a bit stone faced as well. But she kept on talking. And I continued to watch her, both fascinated and uncomfortable – I'd never really seen a human act like a machine before, and her attitude was intriguing at the very least.

* * *

"_Nineteen. I'm just going to be nineteen!" I shook my head incredulously._

"_I know. And that's why I'm telling you not to get pregnant again. Not until you've put a good six years between this one and your next attempt. Even then, only with the consultation of a physician and a lot of thought." The kind doctor looked out over the Luca Bay, shrugging. "You're only going to be nineteen. This is dangerous. You can't push yourself so hard. You're still young yourself, and you need to take the time to be young. Take the time to let your body adjust so that you don't kill yourself and rip apart your family in the process."_

"_I wasn't planning on this, you know that. And I've been stressed out about Gippal and the whole situation," I protested, slumping a bit in my chair. _

"_I know. But I want you to start thinking about making sure this doesn't happen again without being planned. I'm worried about your health, Rikku. You didn't come in enough for us to catch it last time, but after talking to that friend of yours, the midwife, and seeing you this time around… I don't want you to risk this again. This condition is very serious, Rikku." She sighed and ran her hands through her hair, tugging at her identification cards. "On a personal note, I cannot watch your father and loved ones fall to pieces again while I try my best to save your life and get nothing in return."_

_I looked away, feeling rather ashamed of my lack of planning. A little bit ashamed of a lot of things._

* * *

"The doctor said it's called pre-eclampsia," I groaned, burying my face in a pillow as Tidus and Yuna both looked at me with horribly stern expressions on their faces. "You know, one of those new-fangled terms for things." That didn't make them look any less scarily parental. "And she also said that because it's not as bad as it was last time, I'll know better if there's an emergency and I need to go in. I'm fine, okay?" A shabby attempt at convincing them that this was nothing to worry about.

"You should be at home. In bed. And I should be there bringing you soup and taking care of Telan for you. You should _not_ be _here_. Okay? You should not be going to work and trying to handle all of this craziness by yourself. You should not be doing everything you're doing, Rikku!" Yuna hissed angrily, rubbing her forehead.

"She said to take it easy, that's all… I'm not on bed rest or anything."

"Yet!" Yuna cried out, glaring at me as she paced next to the bed. "You almost died last time, Rikku! And your daughter was born early. How can you knowingly risk yourself and your child again? And the rest of us? You know how terrified we all were!"

"Yunie, he finally asked me to come with him. Okay? He wanted me to be here today, for him. What was I supposed to do?"

"Sit at home in bed and knit!" Her voice was still frustrated, but her expression was a bit more understanding.

"I don't know how to knit," I said softly.

The three of us looked up as a familiar angry yell echoed through the large private apartment that Tidus and Yuna shared. I pushed myself up reflexively, but Yuna shoved me back down to the pillows. "No. You stay. I'll get her. There's a few jars of baby food in the diaper bag, right?" I nodded gratefully as Yuna trudged angrily down the hall to retrieve Telan from the playpen.

Tidus was quiet for awhile as the two of us stared at the ceiling, listening to Yuna's soft voice as she calmed Telan down and talked to her about her frustrating mother and the advantages of peas and carrots or squash flavored baby food.

He didn't turn to face me once he started asking questions. "So you haven't told Gippal about this?"

"Naw, I didn't want to freak him out. He's got enough to worry about as it is."

He raised a quizzical eyebrow. "Well… don't you think he'd rather be worried about his baby and his fiancée than be completely caught by the wayside if something happens?"

"Nothing's going to happen." I grinned facetiously as he turned to stare at me, but it faded quickly. He wasn't having any of that. "Well, that's the plan, anyway."

"Good plan. Except that you're not actually preparing for stuff that might go wrong, Riks."

I rolled my eyes at him and then closed them so I wouldn't have to see his bright blue glare. "Alright, Vydran. When did you take over Ti's body, hm?"

"Rikku…"

"I know, I know, I gotta tell him. I will. I'm just trying to adjust to it on my own first. Y'know?" I slowly opened one eye to test the proverbial waters, and I found concern in his eyes. Quickly shut my own again.

"What do you mean, adjust to it?" he asked softly, glancing at the open door as if he could see my hesitation. "Want me to shut the door?" he whispered, propping himself up. Trying to act all secretive as if this were a sleepover and we were telling secrets about the other kids. It helped, a smidge. I didn't even have to nod – he'd already sprung off the bed and quietly shut the door.

"Thanks… I hate when she gets all motherly on me. I can handle myself, obviously. I'm doing fine." I groaned into the pillow, trying not to think about just how tired I was and how all I wanted to do was sleep for a few hours.

Tidus messed absently with his blond spikes, glancing at me occasionally as he mulled over his next statement. "She's just worried, Riks. I am, too. I won't go all Cid-ish on you again, but… we've been here already." He flipped his hands at me, the physical embodiment of his loss for words.

"I know." I was quiet as I traced patterns on the bedspread, gathering my thoughts. "Remember… remember what I told you? In Guadosalam, during the pilgrimage?"

"About your mom?" he asked, his expression a bit confused.

"Kind of? I mean… she's part of the reason… but I'm talking about when I said I wanted a big family." I felt uncomfortable. I didn't want to say it out loud because that made it real.

"Okay, yes… remembering. So none of the kids would ever be alone, right? Like you were."

"Yeah." He had a good memory… but I'd known that, already. "I always thought I'd be here by now. Y'know, with kids and all that. I didn't see it this way, though…"

"Well, you can never predict reality, Riks. You can only hope it works out according to plan." His concerned look was more pronounced now.

"I know." I traced patterns again. "My birthday's next week. Nineteen. And my doctor… well…" He waited patiently as I tried to find the right way to say the words. "She pretty much said I'm an idiot if I have any more kids in the near future because these first two times through have been so screwed up." I shook my head as I bit my lip. "It's stupid of me to get upset, I know, I just… well, I never thought I'd live long enough to see it happen, so it was okay to dream. And then we beat Sin and it was possible and I let myself dream too much. So now I'm trying to adjust to something new." I shrugged. "And she said that this baby will probably be early, too… and that if I'm not really careful something might go really wrong. I'm worried about losing it. I haven't had the right mindset to get too excited about it, but I don't… I just wouldn't be able to handle myself if something-"

There was compassion in his bright blue eyes. "It's gonna be fine, Riks, okay? You're not going to lose your baby. You're gonna rest up, like the doctor and Yuna said to. You're gonna let us help. And I know you're proud and all that, but it's better for you and the new baby if you let us help, yeah?" He waited for me to nod before going on. "And regarding the big family thing… At least you've got two babies, yeah? And Gippal? I mean, you've got a family. You've got your dad and Brother, too, remember? And us. And when Yuna and I have kids you'll have nieces and nephews. And I know Wakka and Lulu aren't blood, but you've got Vidina, too."

I thought about it silently for a long moment before catching his gaze again. He was right, of course. Knew the right thing to say at the right time. "I guess maybe everyone gets their wish, right? Maybe just not in the way they expected?" He nodded, a small grin of encouragement on his face.

I had to force myself to put my thoughts into words. Had to force myself to stop staring at the ceiling and look at Tidus' face to see his reaction. "So maybe this whole situation with Adena and the baby is just… well, part of my wish? Extended family? I mean, I'll be in its life if I'm with Gippal, and I'll help raise it. So it's… this is all really good. It's not horrible. It's just not what we expected. Right?" And I thought Yuna might be proud of all my positive thinking if she'd been in the room to hear me.

* * *

Tidus was waiting for me outside as I walked down the empty streets toward his and Yuna's apartment. His breath made trails in the cold night air, and a strange expression was on his face. One that I wasn't familiar with at all.

"How was it?" he asked bluntly after taking a single glance at my face.

"Horrible."

"Why?"

"It's like she doesn't care about anything. She spaced out the whole time. Kept asking if Rikku would be stopping by so they could talk. But why would Rikku stop in, it's not like they're friends anymore." He didn't react to that, and I hesitated before continuing. "One of the nurses asked if she'd picked a name yet and she admitted that she hasn't even looked. I know I was unsupportive at the beginning, but really? She doesn't even want to help me name the kid. What kind of mother does that?"

Tidus leaned his head to the side, watching as I kicked at the stairwell in frustration. "Not the kind that you're used to, that's for sure." He shrugged. "She'll warm up when she sees the baby." He didn't sound very confident about that.

"And if she doesn't?" I implored, glaring at the ground as if the offense belonged to it rather than to Adena.

He just shrugged again.

We were silent for a long moment, and true to my nature, I struggled to break the silence. "Hey Ti… why aren't you wearing a coat, man? It's freezing out here." I kicked at a rock that sat in the center of the otherwise pristine walkway.

"I… well, it just reminds me of home. Zanarkand was like this a lot. The cold doesn't bug me, much." His expression became a little more conflicted as he looked down at his hands and then motioned to the stairs. I took a seat across from him, not ready to go inside despite the freezing air. "I sort of like it here. It's the closest city to home… same climate and everything. Sometimes it would get so cold that the water would start to freeze around the bridge poles in the water. Crazy, all the details you can get from living in a dream…"

I watched as he stared out over the sparkling water of the bay, far down at the end of the walk. "Maybe instead of 'dream' you should call it a 'memory'. It was real, at one point. Maybe not while you knew it…"

He shrugged uncertainly, meeting my gaze. "Do you mind sitting out here with me for a while? I need to talk to you about Rikku."

The abrupt topic switch caught me off guard, and I felt my brows furrow together. "Sure… what about her?"

"I'm a little worried. Actually, I'm a lot worried. How much do you know about her pregnancy with Telan?" His eyes held mine, and it was like ice. It occurred to me that the term 'a lot' didn't really cover how worried he was, and that didn't help me to feel better in the least.

"She never really wanted to talk about it. Said that she was sick now and then, but that's about it. She's a small girl, I'm sure that didn't really help what with carrying to full term and all of that…" But I didn't continue because under Tidus' knowing gaze, I began to feel ignorant.

"It's kind of hard for me to talk about this. She's my best friend. Yuna thinks I'm stepping out of bounds in talking to you about all this, but I told her to shut it since she stepped out of bounds in telling you about Telan in the first place." And that explained his expression. "Anyway, when Rikku first came to Besaid, I thought that she was making herself sick. She was crying all the time, and listless. Always thinking about you… waiting, I think, for one of us to slip up and tell you what was going on, or for you to come find her.

"It took me two weeks to realize that it wasn't normal for her to be so sick. She was too skinny because she wasn't keeping anything down, and she was always holding onto her midsection like she was in pain. She was staying with me, by then, in the extra room I built for her. Yuna and Lulu were too obvious about their worrying, and she didn't want them to keep watching her. Lulu had me watch her, instead, and I was better about it. She was doing too much, as always. I found her in the bay one day, trying to salvage some vehicle she'd found in the deep water. I made her promise me she'd stop doing that… holding her breath for so long wasn't good for the baby. She was always climbing the old ruins by the dock, and I found her there more than once, sick and weak at the top, clutching her belly like something was wrong.

"She refused to go to the mainland to see a doctor. Lulu's the active midwife on Besaid, and she told her to rest and take it easy. And even when she took the advice, she was still sick every day, like clockwork. Every day for five months I'd wake up to the sound of her being ill in the restroom, and every night after dinner she'd get so dizzy that she had to lie down and go to sleep to make it stop." This fact alarmed me right away, and I could see that Tidus had been waiting for this sign of recognition.

"For the past month or so she's been getting really dizzy and tired in the evenings… I thought she was just tired from taking care of the baby all day."

Tidus continued talking. "Lulu put her on bed-rest for awhile, and then everything seemed to balance out. About three weeks before she went into labor she felt better. Energetic, and always hungry. Lulu calmed down, because this was finally normal. I was worried because she always seemed to have a fever and her color was a little off… she was having some headaches, which was new, and her joints were swelling. The old village women said it was normal, but I didn't think so, and I watched her more closely. She was having some vision issues. Nobody really thought anything of it, but I was worried.

"She started walking down to the beach every night, and it seemed to make her happy, so I let her. The night she went into labor, I noticed that she'd been gone too long. When I found her she was holding onto her stomach again, and all the way back the pains only got worse. Lulu was really confused, because she wasn't actually having contractions until very late. It was something else. And then after the birth, the coma… and when they came home, the indifference she had toward Telan… it was all very strange and unsettling, but then she went back to you and she was better.

"And then today I find her in the stadium with that all too familiar yellow-green tone in her skin, sick as a dog and fighting it as usual, dizzy, clammy, and seeing spots. We brought her and the baby back here and made her lie down. She had a headache, and she was exhausted. She still has a fever. She told us about her doctor's visit the other day, and I'll let her talk to you about some of the stuff when she's ready, but… well, here's the overstepping bit. I called her doctor to get the whole story earlier, because I know her too well and I know she wouldn't let us know how bad it really is so we wouldn't worry. She hasn't told you at all, judging by the look on your face."

I tried to cut in, but his icy eyes silenced me. "Man, I know you're already stressed enough as it is, and she doesn't want to make it worse, but this is serious. And I'm sorry that I interfered or whatever, but… bluntly speaking, I was there for the first time and I know what to look for. With Telan, she had a full blown case of this syndrome called pre-eclampsia, and she had all of the symptoms. She didn't get diagnosed because she was too stubborn to see the doctor often enough for them to catch it. Everything - the headaches, the sickness, not gaining enough weight, high stress levels and blood pressure, vision problems… it all connects to this thing she's got. Sometimes, when it's really bad, the blood can even turn toxic, which is why her coloring was off at the end of the last pregnancy. The problems during the birth, and everything that happened afterwards… it was all because of this. Even the post-partum issues with the baby… all this. And she's got it again. Not as severe, currently, but bad enough because she has all the symptoms again."

"She hasn't told me anything about this… I thought it was all normal, I mean… why would she not tell me?"

"She's got a problem telling you these things, obviously." I knew he was right to tell me all this out here, away from her, where the heat of my anger would warm me instead of burning her. "Gippal, I know you're mad, but I thought it would be best for you to know. She and Telan could have easily died. She almost did, already. I can't lose her… neither can you." I nodded in agreement, pinching the bridge of my nose and kicking the stray rock all the way down the long street.

Tidus stood up and his eyes melted a little bit. He clapped me on the back in understanding. I heard a cry from upstairs, and looked up to see Yuna's silhouette in the window, Telan squirming in her arms. My love for the little girl grew immensely in that moment, as I realized how easily I could have lost her when I didn't even know I'd had her. How easily both of them could have been gone, forever. How easily Rikku could still go, and how stupid I'd been to not notice the signs. "No more babies," I whispered heavily, shaking my head, angry at myself.

Tidus sighed. "Yeah, the doctor thinks that's a wise thought, but… Rikku's pretty torn up about that, that's why she hasn't talked to you, yet." He shrugged and glanced up at the window. I shivered in spite of my heavy coat. "Listen, Gippal… you guys should stay here for the next few weeks, until your baby with Adena comes. You'll be on call when it happens, and while you're at work, me and Yuna can be here to keep an eye on the situation with Rikku. And we'll come help you both as soon as you go back to Djose. Two babies and a stressed out, sick pregnant woman will be too much for you to handle on your own."

"Adena will be there to help," I murmured absently, staring up at the warm glow of the apartment windows. "We won't be handling two kids by ourselves."

Tidus led the way toward the door, silent. But his knowing gaze was back.

* * *

_Much thanks to Jen, without whom this chapter, and probably this whole story, would never have been completed. Thanks to all the readers who have stuck with me through the process. More to come. _


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